I was reading through some of the emails that I got the other day and came across an interesting
question from a guy named Mark from Auckland.
Mark asks, “So it’s been about 2 weeks since my ex girlfriend broke up with me…
needless to say, I’m pretty torn up about it.
We were still friends on Facebook up until yesterday when I noticed that she had ‘disappeared’.
I thought she might have deleted her profile or something, but after a bit more poking
around, I found out she actually blocked me.
I miss her so much and I want her back…
Brad, what should I do?”
Hey there Mark – that’s a really good question you have for me, and I’m going
to be honest, it’s a pretty difficult one for me to answer.
A lot of what you choose to do next will depend on the nature of your relationship with your
ex, and the reasons why you two broke up.
If your ex blocked you on Facebook, it means that not only does your ex not want to talk
to you, but they also may be worried that you might invade their private life.
I’ll be the first to admit that this isn’t a good sign, but you should NEVER get too
worked up about this… and, for a few good reasons.
For one, if your ex blocked you for no good reason, it’s possible that he or she would
be open to unblock you in the future.
A lot of my clients think that they’ll never talk to their exes ever again and tend to
overreact in situations such as this.
But I can safely tell you that overreacting will NOT help you get your ex back.
And number two, it’s possible that the reason your ex is blocking you is because maybe they’re
struggling with the breakup themselves.
Seeing you post on social media will only make it more difficult for him or her to get
over you and move on...so that’s another reason not to overreact to the situation.
And finally, if they block you on Facebook or social media, it doesn’t mean they’re
necessarily not open to receiving phone calls and messages from you in the future – it
may simply mean they don’t want to see you on social media right now.
But unfortunately, I have to talk about the bad news.
If your ex blocked you for a good reason, then trying to get back together with him
or her may be more trouble than it’s worth.
For example, if you went through a bad breakup with your ex, or infidelity with a huge issue
in your relationship, then it’s quite possible that your ex might be so angry at you that
they don’t want to talk to you right now.
This is obviously quite common and I see examples of situations like this everyday.
If your ex blocks you after an extremely emotional and abusive breakup, it’s a good idea to
definitely keep your distance for an extended period of time and do your best to move on.
In fact, regardless of why you think your ex blocked you, you should never, ever make
this a big deal.
Don’t call or text your ex asking why he or she did it.
Don’t pester them.
And also, don’t try and ask their friends why this happened.
In fact, you shouldn’t acknowledge to ANYONE that your ex blocked you.
The best thing you can do right now is to accept the fact that communication with your
ex is not an option and engage in a period of extended No Contact.
And this is exactly the advice that I gave to Mark.
Now, I’ll be working with Mark on a one on one basis because he signed up for my online
personal coaching program.
If you’re interested in signing up to my coaching program like Mark, simply go to BreakupBrad.com/coaching
– there you’ll find information about how my online coaching program works, and
if it’s right for you.
If you’re dead set on reopening the line of communication with your ex, you’re going
to have to wait a substantial amount of time before trying to reconnect.
How much time depends on your specific situation, but attempting to communicate with your ex
within a month of him or her blocking you is totally out of the question.
Once this time passes, you’re going to want to set up a line of communication naturally
-- that obviously means no stalking or following him or her.
I know that sounds silly, but you’d be surprised at how often I have to tell people not to
stalk their exes!
The best way to reestablish communication is by setting up a hangout with a few of your
mutual friends.
So for example, plan a night out with a bunch of friends that you and your ex shared…
and ask these mutual friends to casually invite your ex, just to see how he or she is doing.
Your ex will be much more likely to come out if you’re with a bunch of his or her friends.
Once you see your ex, do NOT make seeing them a big deal.
Your only goal at this point is to have fun and re-engage in casual conversation with
your ex.
Do NOT make things awkward, and do NOT cause any unnecessary drama.
Remember, at this point your ex is probably dreading talking to you for whatever reason,
and you have to do whatever you can to not intensify those feelings.
Take things slow and remember to be upbeat, positive, and friendly.
If you’re feeling as if he or she is still being super awkward with you, then take a
hint and back off a little bit…
you don’t want to make your ex feel regret for coming out.
But, if your ex seems open to chatting, then casually engage in small talk.
Questions like, “How’s your summer been?” or “How’s work treating you?”
are a great way to start a conversation.
Your goal is to simply be friendly with your ex, and that’s it.
At the end of the night, tell your ex that it was nice to see them… and that they should
text you sometime-just as friends.
Don’t be pushy, brash, or rude… let your ex come back to YOU.
The more aggressive you are with your ex, the more it will reaffirm their original decision
to block you in the first place.
Now...before I wrap up this video, you need to know that if your ex blocks you in any
way, it isn’t the end of the world.
Do your best to fight the urge to lash out and contact him or her.
And also, fight the temptation to get angry at yourself or the situation – keep in mind
that this does happen quite commonly and I have helped men and women from around the
world get out of these difficult situations.
Again, head over to www.BreakupBrad.com/coaching if you’re interested in hiring me as your
personal relationship coach.
Thanks to everyone who watches my videos – please take the time to quickly click the “like”
button below this video.
It really helps me out!
Talk to you soon!