I was reading this article that the gang
is unde 18 sites they'll post pictures
are really hot women and then you show
up on the day and they just robbed and
beat the crap out of you that's gotta be
a bummer
cuz it already sucks when it doesn't
look like the picture I feel like that
would suck extra you show for your date
at 2:00 a.m. at the bridge and hey dudes
are walking toward you and you're like
Kathleen I'm bad in relationship I feel
like I'm disappointing you know I feel
like they're always that you're a comic
you'll be fun I'm fun I've got other
stuff I'm like the Dominican Republic
I'm great for like five days and then
you're like oh this has some problems
that I was not aware of oh that may send
me a little uncomfortable that's alright
some jokes now people get very you know
a guy I did a trump joke the other night
this guy walked up to me goes Trump is
Hitler I was like all right look we
don't know how hilarious Hitler would
have been on social media that's not
right Hitler might have had a strong
Twitter presence you know what I mean
trapped in bunker sad
I saw an article online just hit fun
facts about Hitler that's a great title
I've always said there aren't enough
upbeat pieces on the Fuhrer fun fact
about Hitler didn't pay income tax was
very bad at managing his money and I was
like man it's too bad there wasn't a
group of people that could have helped
Jews you know that joke did not hit
Naples Florida that's uh that's a
terrible City right there
hate it will never go back bomb for four
straight nights there every night my dad
called me to check and he said how are
you I said I'm in Naples and my dad goes
Italy and I was like oh no I'm in
Florida and I'm bombing I was on stage
one night there and I just did some in
New York Jew and someone the crowd goes
oh no that's not a yes or no question
right there that's uh that's my heritage
also oh that's our sound that's cultural
appropriation right there have you seen
the Ivan the Terrible documentary on
Netflix a devil next door this guy
horrible person killed so many Jews in
concentration camps was just living in
Cleveland just had a life a family and
people were saying there's no way this
is really him you know this guy's never
even gotten a speeding ticket and I was
like I think it's him if you're a war
criminal you were very careful at every
intersection right I used to hate people
going like recklessly but now I see
someone going five below and I'm like
you Nazi Pig
and I am in New York Jew you know I am
like a real Jew I complain a lot I'm in
therapy I'm the type of Jew that if you
don't like Jewish people I'm not the one
that's gonna turn things around for you
you know we're gonna be like still a
thumbs down I got a Jewish mom very very
anxious worries about everything I was
walking with him the other day I'm walk
with my mom in New York City we see a
dead pigeon on the street and I said ooh
dead bird and my mom goes don't touch it
I was like what do you think happens
when you're not around you think I'm
just walking around like let me grab
this right here hell yeah
lunch me I have a good mom ever since I
was a little kid my mom would say no
means no and she was talking about
cookies but I put it together I met a
woman after a show in Florida I'm not
bragging but I do pretty well in Tampa
and she said I'll Drive you back to your
hotel but there's no way I'm coming
upstairs I said whatever you want to do
is fine with me
you know when the parking lot were
making out she said all right I'll come
upstairs but there was no way you're
getting laid and I was like am I being
recorded right now this feels like a me
to sting operation so very loudly into
her chest I said that's totally cool
this is Samer al March 22nd 2019 thank
you so much guys crucial