- Hey everybody, this is Roberto Blake.
Helping you create something awesome today.
Welcome back to the channel.
So, I know today's video is a little bit different.
I know normally on this channel we talk about business,
we talk about how to make money online.
Or, we even talk about how to grow an audience
in social media.
But, those are things that actually have been able to do
over a period of time
by working on myself as a person.
And, today I wanna talk about a struggle
that I still deal with sometimes.
Which is, the things that go with being an introvert,
and also why it makes me feel like it's hard
to relate to people.
I think one of the hardest things
about being in social media and being on YouTube
is that I actually don't feel
like I'm a relatable person.
Or, that I have a lot of relatable situations.
And yet, I keep putting myself out here.
Now, I know some of you are shaking your head
about me being an introvert.
But, I want you to take a step back and remember
that I'm here talking to you on the internet
from the safety of my favorite place,
my home office where I don't actually
have to interact with another human being.
In fact, the majority of my day is spent
having physical separation from other people
even when the world isn't melting down.
I mostly am just a homebody.
And, I'm always working on projects
more than I'm probably interacting with people.
As someone who's lived most of their life in their head,
then I can tell you that taking my thoughts
and my ideas and then putting out into the world
has always been something that has been challenging
for me to do.
And, I've never felt like I relate to other people.
And, my entire life I've only really ever had
like a handful of friends.
Even in my adult life I only actually had like
six or seven friends throughout most of my 20s.
And, to this day I have a handful
of meaningful relationships.
And, that's because I think that
when you are a creative person
and you are more introverted.
And, you really like to think about these abstract things,
it's really hard for people who live
very much in the present
to deal with you
and to kind of see things from your perspective
because for you everything is in the future.
Everything is about what is being built.
Everything is about turning a thought into a thing.
And so, when I'm making videos here on YouTube,
it's actually a little bit easier sometimes
because I am overthinking everything believe it or not.
I still struggle with that.
I still think about every reaction,
every comment, every criticism
and I desperately have to try
not to take those things to heart
for my own mental health and sanity.
But, it's also really hard
because introverted people tend to be more sensitive
to those things.
We're already very hypercritical.
We're already very much in our own head.
We are already picking ourselves apart, piece by piece,
every minute of every single day.
And so, when somebody else does it
it's just seeing our worst fears in our mind
manifested in reality.
To say, see I told you so.
Every bad thing you think about yourself
they can all see it.
There it is laid bare.
And so, that's a real challenge for a lot of people.
And, their reaction to it sometimes
is the opposite of mine.
A lot of people that happens to them
and it makes them a lot quieter,
it makes them a lot more anxious and reserved.
I get the anxious part,
the reserved part for me doesn't happen.
I constantly find myself in a position
where I hate being misunderstood.
I hate acknowledging that somehow
I failed to communicate my idea
in a clear and thoughtful way.
And it just nags at me and eats at me.
And then, it forces me to explain.
Or, to correct myself.
Or, to try to analyze the gap between what I said
and what was heard.
And, this was extremely frustrating for my parents,
for my teachers, every relationship I've ever been in.
All of these things are a quirk of my personality
that I feel makes me wildly unrelatable.
And, it's the thing that makes me
most insecure about myself.
And so, believe it or not for a lot of my life
I just didn't put myself out there with people
I just didn't even try in many cases
to make friends.
I spent most of my time in my childhood
just working in my sketchbooks
and just reading and working on art.
That's really all I cared about
for the majority of my childhood.
I remember that I would rush through my homework
or my quizzes
just to get in another 20 or 30 minutes
of drawing and making comic books.
All I really did for a majority of my life
was work on drawing, later it was digital art,
photography, painting, sculpting, woodworking, handcrafts.
It's really all I lived for.
And, it's what would get me through my days
because I was constantly being either bullied
or I was being completely ignored.
If I was getting attention
it was so I could get my butt kicked at the bus stop.
Or, so that I can get picked on on the back of the bus.
And, if it wasn't that attention
I probably wasn't getting any at all
except for at home.
I was getting a lot of intention from my mom
and a lot of encouragement and support for my art
and my creativity.
You know, my dad took an interest in my school work
and really made it a point that I had to
be perfect at that, thanks.
And so, that's another story that I can tell.
And, other than that, you know,
there was a lot in my childhood that was positive.
I don't want people to get the wrong idea.
But, there was just a lot of things
that were very difficult for me internally
that really build up a lack of self-esteem
in anything other than either getting good grades
or making good art.
Like, those were really the only things
that gave me any sense of value and any sense of purpose.
I either had to prove to people I was smart
or prove to people I was talented
because I didn't feel worthwhile in any other way.
And, I had no experiences from my interactions with people
to contradict that.
And so, as much as I'm an independent person
with strong opinions
that I frequently voice on the internet,
I've always been somebody who had struggled
with the idea of acceptance.
I'm somebody that in my friend group,
in many cases, I was the poor kid.
I was the broke kid
always needing to borrow money for the movies,
or need a ride to work.
That's who I was.
And, that became a large part of my identity
and my insecurity.
And, it made me, again, not really try to build connections
and relationships outside of my friend group,
and outside of people that were in their circles.
Like, that's really where I had
a lot of a lack of confidence.
And, it's something that I still deal with
even to this day in different forms.
I mean, you see me on stage as a public speaker
you think this person has to have a tremendous amount
of extroverted charisma, and unrelenting confidence.
I built up confidence over a period of time
and I've built it largely from making better relationships
and really exploring myself more.
And, putting myself out there and learning
that I can deal with the consequences of rejection.
And, that's something that's very difficult to do
but I'm also glad that it led to me
making videos and content
because those things changed my life.
Those things gave me exposure and opportunities
that allowed me to build and grow my business.
And, build a career as a speaker.
And, to do a lot of other ventures
that I wouldn't of been able to do.
I still feel that I would've been successful
by retreating into my introverted qualities in some level
because it did make me more thoughtful.
It meant that I was heavily into researching things
that I'm passionate and care about.
It meant that I could find a way to focus
on my work without distractions.
There were a lot of benefits
and I still believe that introverted people
can be successful without become extroverted people.
I, bare minimum think that I might be
an ambivert or omnivert at this point.
But, my default setting is still to be an introvert.
I still benefit the most from solitude and quiet time,
meditation, reading books, playing with my dogs
and just working on my craft
is the thing that I probably get the most passion out of.
And, the most excitement from.
But, I also do like talking to other people
because I'm fascinated by people
and their ideas, and how they think.
Sometimes I'm much more involved or intense
in thinking about how does someone think
and what are their ideas?
And, sometimes it means that I might be
not as considerate of their feelings
as I might like to be.
And, if you really look at the content I've made
over the last seven years.
And, if you look at the way
that I actually talk in interviews,
I don't talk about myself that much.
I talk about things I've done.
I talk about my ideas.
But, there's actually not a lot
that many of you know about me personally.
If you think about it,
you probably don't even know what my favorite color is.
Most of you probably don't even know
the names of my dogs.
Half of you probably didn't even know I have dogs.
Even though I constantly post about them in Twitter.
And so, when you really look at it
you can see those extroverted tendencies
in me are very rare.
And, that a lot of what I do comes from
a place of introversion.
But, it also comes from a place of someone
who constantly is trying to confront the things
they don't love or like about themselves.
Believe me, I wish sometimes
that I was much more extroverted
because I do see areas where it would benefit me.
Especially in my interpersonal relationships.
I do wish that I was more outgoing than I am.
I'm somebody who's very risk adverse sometimes.
And, a lot more conservative than I would like to be
when it comes to taking risks.
I take very calculated risks like, making content,
publishing this video.
If it actually goes instead of going into the deleted pile
of for every video I release
there's probably three that I deleted
that I didn't put out.
So, I get very in my head about these things.
I really wish that much like an extrovert
I didn't care nearly as much
about what other people thing about me.
But, I actually do care
and I get very invested in it
because I'm constantly trying to work on myself.
I'm constantly trying to find ways to improve.
And the thing is,
I don't always agree with what other people think about me.
And, that's why I try not to take it personally
and to heart.
But then again,
there is that part of me that is childish and petty,
and so, there is that.
But all joking aside,
when you experience most of your childhood
and even your young adulthood being bullied
like both emotionally, verbally, physically,
you know, at school,
and then not relating to anybody even on the job.
Like, when I worked with people
I was friendly with them
but I didn't make friends with a lot of the people
that I worked with over my career
in my adult life working
because it was very hard for me to relate to them
and have anything in common with them.
And, I also, I don't fake those kinds of things.
I really can't be interested in something
that I am not interested in.
And, I really don't have that kind of patience.
And, the other thing is,
I mean, and that's like hard to say,
that's hard to admit.
But, the other thing is that I also am very direct.
I don't like BS.
I try to practice radical candor, radical honesty.
And, that's why I say that sometimes
I don't feel like I'm considerate enough
of people's feelings
because just saying what is on your mind
isn't always a good idea.
And, I know that intellectually
but it's also very difficult and challenging for me
because there's this point where
you just feel that you're being inauthentic
if you don't just cut the crap
and say something sometimes.
Now, in other times you may not of thought that out enough.
The good news about being an introvert is
you can be honest and direct, and blunt with people
but you can also work on your temperament
and you can figure out a way to do that
to be thoughtful.
And, I like to believe that I get it more right than wrong.
But, I think my friends and family
might have something to say about that.
I guess the main thing that I want to help you with is
if you're someone that does relate to this
for whatever reason.
Or, you're somebody who has similar experiences in life,
I wanna tell you that you can be successful as an introvert.
You don't have to change who you are
to improve who you are.
Gaining a little bit of self awareness and insight
to your personality and to your psychology,
having a close group of friends
who can be honest with you and call you on your BS.
Being able to separate like, you know,
people being mean, from genuine good faith criticism
is really hard but is a skill that you should develop.
And spoiler alert,
90% of interactions on the internet
are not gonna be good faith criticism
they're gonna be empty opinions with no context
because they never asked you a single question
about who you are or how you think.
With that in mind, just really think
about where your insecurities lay.
And, don't think that you can't do something
because of your personality.
A lot of you will try to tell me
that you don't have a personality
to make YouTube videos.
I hated public speaking
because I was always insecure and self-conscious
about public speaking
because every time I went up in class
I got made fun of.
Every time I raised my hand
somebody would make a comment behind my back.
So, I actually had no incentive
to put myself out here on the internet.
And, no incentive to be a public speaker
if you think about it as an extrovert,
because my experience with getting attention
is that it's mostly negative.
And, that's been true for more of my life than not.
And so, those things can hold you back
if you let it get inside of your head.
I want you to figure out
how to take what's inside of your head
and put it out into the world in a thoughtful way.
And also, to figure out how you can communicate
and represent yourself well.
How can you find a way to find that confidence
in what you really care about.
Because, the only reason I can make videos
is because I make videos about things
that I really genuinely care about
and have been thinking about,
and want to talk about with other people.
And, that's the only reason that I was able to find
any of my inner confidence
and any of my inner charisma,
because my prior life experiences
undermined that just a lot.
And so, you may have something that you feel
is undermining you, robbing you of confidence.
I want you to try to let that go
and try to think about where your confidence comes from.
And for me, it's making things.
Whether it's art, writing, or making videos on the internet
for whoever to watch.
Like, that is something that has brought out
the best qualities in myself.
Not always in the comments.
And, I think that it might be something that helps you.
If you could just figure out what it is
you're passionate about
and you can find a way to express it
and share it with other people.
You'll find some of the acceptance that you want.
You'll find yourself being more thoughtful
about how you communicate.
You'll be able to consider different points of view.
And, you actually might find some friends
that you have something in common with.
Instead of having to change yourself
based on the people you get stuck in a room with.
Anyway, that's it for this video.
I hope that helps you out.
Question of the day.
What is something that you're insecure about
that you're actively working on,
or that you'd like to work on?
Let me know in the comment sections.
Also, let me know if you like these kind of videos
where I just kind of open up a little bit.
That is, I could probably stand to do that
a little bit more often.
It's been a minute since we've had
kind of a more heart-to-heart style video.
So, just let me know if that's something you want
in the the comment section.
Or, by watching and sharing more of my videos
on the internet.
'Cause that actually helps.
Like this video if you like it.
Don't forget to subscribe.
Check out the other awesome content here on the channel.
As always you guys, thanks so very much for watching
and don't forget,
go out there and create something awesome today.
Take care. (upbeat music)