What?
I don’t— I don’t think I can do a French Tuck.
I think I’d look ridiculous if I did a French Tuck.
On this show– if I did this?
if I did this?
That doesn’t work!
The way you looked down you know it doesn’t work!
Here’s the thing.
I actually— I’m really open and vulnerable with you guys.
You guys might fuck me up.
You might give me some advice that screws me over and I’m like, “Oh, he said it, alright cool.”
“Tonight I wanna talk about policing.”
And everyone’s like, “I can’t take this guy seriously. He’s got this whole tuck situation.”
“In the age of social media, how much influence do you think celebrities have
on young or even older voters?”
this is from katelyn. is katelyn here?
Hi. what do you think?
How much— how much influence do you think they have?
Yeah.
So you’re optimistic?
I’m pretty, you know when I— when I kinda lost a little bit of hope in the celebrity endorsement?
’Cause I grew up when like, Puffy was like, “Rock the vote,”
and I’m like, “Aw, Puff Daddy said I gotta vote, so...”
No, but remember in 2016, Hillary was in Ohio,
and she had Jay-Z and Beyoncé do a concert there.
LeBron came out— LeBron pretty much owns all of Ohio and I’m like, “She’s got Ohio.”
and then she lost Ohio.
But when LeBron came out I’m like, “That’s it. He… he said it. He has decreed
Ohio goes to Hillary.”
And then when she lost Ohio I’m like, “I guess none of this matters?”
It didn’t work though.
Like what—What? How do you top that?
Who’s bigger than Beyoncé and Jay-Z and LeBron in Ohio?
That’s the Voltron of black excellence.
How do you top that?
How do you not get Ohio then?
I don’t know, who has a bigger blue checkmark to move the needle?
So, that to me was like one of the things where I’m like, I don’t know,
like, this is, this has certain resonance.
But it’s, it’s not the—
Perhaps it’s not the resonance that you need
to collectively get an entire state on board to sorta flip a state.
“What are your thoughts on the Muslim dating app, Minder?”
This is Minder versus Tinder.
So this is from Farah Wakani.
Is Farah here?
What are your thoughts on it?
You don’t have it?
So you’re— You choose– you’ve opted out?
Well, I’m married, so....
That’d be super weird if I was like, “I’m on this dating site too, though.”
“I need hobbies.”
No.
Um, what have you heard? What do you know?
Okay. Do you do apps or no apps?
So why not that app?
It’s just bizarre?
You’ll like, run into like, cousins and stuff?
Is that the weird thing?
Or you like, run into people that your parents know or something.
Is that like…?
Oh, okay.
Why— why limit? You might find love.
How many guys on Minder do you think look like me?
I bet it’s like, 50…you’ll just like, swipe it’ll all be like, poofy haired–
This guy will be on it, you know what I mean?
It’ll just be like varying degrees of beard.
Like, “He has poofy hair but no beard.”
It’s like, almost like Nintendo Wii characters where you’re like,
“He’s got less poofy hair.”
I mean it makes sense there’s a Muslim Tinder.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, Muslims only care about, like, two things.
Like, Palestine and getting married.
Those are like, our two.
“If you were the moderator for the upcoming Democratic presidential debate,
what is one question you would ask the candidates?”
“Do you guys watch Patriot Act?”
They’d all lie.
Then I’d be like, “What’s your favorite episode?”
Then I would make Kamala Harris say something in Hindi.
I gotta check the Indian half.
I gotta check it.
Alright, you guys wanna know the serious question?
“What are you gonna do to make sure that the planet is livable when my daughter gets older?”
Like, that’ll be the serious question.
“Did you see the trailer for Lady and the Tramp,
and what do you think of Disney live-action remakes?”
I’m glad you guys ask the hard-hitting questions.
I’m gonna be honest.
I don’t like the live-action remakes.
’Cause the animals look too real.
I went to go see Lion King and I’m like, “Why is– why is that lion talking? That’s weird.”
’Cause it looks like, it looks like a lion.
It doesn’t look like a cartoon lion.
It was weird.
So then when I saw, like, the parrot—
when Zazu was talking and it was John Oliver, I’m like, “Why is the parrot John Oliver?”
It just freaked me out.
’Cause I thought, like, Zazu would just start talking about Brexit to Simba.
The cool thing about the cartoons was you could see the emotions in the eyes,
you could see like, you know, when Simba was scared or when Simba was happy,
you could see it in their eyes.
But like, this whole– their eyes were always the same.
You know, cause it– yeah. It wasn’t translating to me.
What do you think of the live action, dude?
Eddie, what do you think of the live action movies?
You haven’t seen any with the kids?
You pawned it off on your wife?
“What’s the last lie you told and why did you tell it?”
This is from Rebekah.
Alright.
Alright. I’m gonna be honest, alright.
Last week, I told you guys that Eddie was my friend.
Would you be my friend outside of work?
No, for real?!
And it was a bit and I did it for comedy
and I lied.
And I lied.
Eddie was my friend.
And I lied.
I would ask eddie, our wonderful stage manager–
our wonderful stage manager–
Would you be my friend outside of work?
And I lied.
À quelle vitesse les choses que nous pensons vraies disparaissent-elles autour de nous...
comme des larmes sous la pluie.
And...
The truth is...
Eddie’s my best friend.
He’s my best friend in the whole wide world and no one can take away our friendship.
And here I am, just an Indian man standing in front of you,
and in front of this cameraman that’s blocking our vantage point…
I’m just here to ask you, am I your best friend too?
Don’t lie!
“Do you think the country is shifting towards socialism
because of capitalism failing?”
Um, that’s a great question.
I don’t think I can answer that,
but I just think that any system where you can get fifteen different kinds of Pepsi,
but you can’t get affordable healthcare is broken.
That’s all. That’s all I’m saying, like, I don’t...
I don’t have the answer,
but that’s all I know.
“What was the last thing you Googled on your phone?”
This is from Tiffany.
Is Tiffany here?
What’d you Google?
What is a grommet?
You Googled “what is a grommet?”
What is— What is a grommet?
How did you know what that term was?
If you already know what a grommet is, don’t you know what it is?
Oh people, people in conversation were talking about grommets?
Your friends are really boring.
You’re like, “Grommets like the hot thing everyone’s talking about. I had to Google it.”
I— we wrote down what the past four things that I…
Okay, “current time in Delhi.”
I was calling family.
Uh, the second was, “insomnia.”
I thought I–
I was up really late and I’m like, “Do I have insomnia?”
You ever do that where you’re like, “Something’s wrong with me.”
And then Google tells you and you just freak out.
“Overton window.”
That was really interesting.
Oh and this one too.
“Is it possible to have more than tres leches cake?”
Like, can you have more than tres leches?
Like, can you have just like, ocho leches cake?
Or like, Chad Ochocinco leches cake?
Why do you— Why stop at three?
Give me four leches, give me five.