>> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK.
YOU MIGHT REMEMBER THAT LAST MONTH, I HAD J.J. ABRAMS HERE TO
DISCUSS HIS BROADWAY PLAY: "THE PLAY THAT GOES WRONG," WHICH, BY
THE WAY, IS WHAT THEY SHOULD HAVE CALLED "SPIDER-MAN: TURN
OFF THE DARK."
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S A GREAT SHOW AND THAT NIGHT
J.J. MADE A VERY GENEROUS OFFER TO OUR AUDIENCE.
EVERYONE'S INVITED.
>> Stephen: DO YOU GUYS WANT TO SEE THE PLAY WITH US?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HERE'S THE THING.
J.J. OFFERED TO BRING EVERYONE STRAIGHT FROM HERE THAT AUDIENCE
TO SEE HIS PLAY AND THE AUDIENCE DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT
AHEAD OF TIME SO WE DIDN'T KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE WOULD TAKE HIM
UP ON IT.
TURNS OUT EVERYONE.
( LAUGHTER ) SO THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE
DIRECTOR OF "STAR WARS" AND I SPONTANEOUSLY TOOK 400 PEOPLE
THROUGH THE BUSIEST BLOCKS OF NEW YORK CITY.
IT'S -- ♪
♪ >> STEPHEN AND J.J.'S TIMES
SQUARE ADVENTURE!
>> Stephen: LET'S GO!
>> STEPHEN COLBERT: WE'RE ALL GONNA GO SEE THE NEW STAR WARS.
>> JJ ABRAMS: NO,NO, NO.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT: IT'S ALL TRUE.
WE'RE GOING A SHOWING STAR WARS RIGHT NOW.
>> JJ ABRAMS: NO, WE'RE NOT.
(CROWD SCREAMS) ♪
♪ >> STEPHEN COLBERT: THERE'S
LITERALLY NOT ENOUGH ROOM IN TIME SQUARE FOR THE NUMBER OF
PEOPLE WE ARE BRINGING DOWN AT ONCE.
>> JJ ABRAMS: THIS IS AMAZING.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT: THERE ARE 350 PEOPLE.
I THINK WE ACTUALLY MANAGED TO TURN TIME SQUARE INTO A FIRE
HAZARD.
I FEEL LIKE MOSES SOMEHOW LEADING THE PEOPLE TO THE STUPID
LAND.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT: WHO IS HERE FROM OUT OF TOWN?
ANYBODY HERE FROM OUT OF TOWN SHOULD KNOW THAT THIS IS WHAT I
DO AFTER EVERY SHOW.
I JUST-- I WALK DOWN TO TIMES SQUARE AND I HAVE A GREAT MEAL.
>> JJ ABRAMS: YEAH, WHERE DO YOU GO?
>> STEPHEN COLBERT: OH, I GO TO BUBBA GUMP SHRIMP, OR I--
SOMETIMES I'LL JUST GO TO THE M&M STORE AND START WITH
DESSERT.
STEPHEN COLBERT: PLANET HOLLYWOOD.
THIS MUST BE WHERE YOU EAT EVERY TIME YOU COME TO NEW YORK 'CAUSE
IT FEELS LIKE HOME TO YOU.
>> JJ ABRAMS: I MISS IT.
LIKE, I MISS-- SO I GO THERE-- >> STEPHEN COLBERT: SO YOU FEEL
LIKE YOU'RE BACK IN HOLLYWOOD.
>> JJ ABRAMS: YEAH, IT'S-- I SEE, LIKE, SCHWARZENEGGER'S
LEATHER JACKET I GO, "OH."
I BREATHE EASY.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT: JUST KNOWING IT'S THERE.
>> JJ ABRAMS: YEAH.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT: IT'S LIKE A TALISMAN.
>> JJ ABRAMS: IT IS A BIT LIKE A SAFETY BLANKET.
>> Stephen: WHO WANTS A HOT DOG?
ONE. TWO.
THREE.
FOUR.
FIVE.
SIX.
SEVEN.
EIGHT.
NINE.
TEN.
I'LL TAKE 30 HOT DOGS.
ONE DIET COKE, PLEASE.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT: THIS IS IT.
DRINK IT IN.
THIS IS THE REAL NEW YORK.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT: SWAROVSKI CRYSTAL, WOULD YOU LIKE
SOMETHING?
LET'S-- LET'S GET SOME-- LET'S GET (UNINTELLIGIBLE)
>> STEPHEN COLBERT: HOW MUCH IS THIS CRYSTAL-- APPLE?
>> MALE VOICE: THE LARGE ONE IS $100, AND THE SMALL ONE IS $69.
>> JJ ABRAMS: WE'LL TAKE ONE OF EACH.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT: ONE OF THESE, PLEASE.
THANKS VERY MUCH.
>> JJ ABRAMS: JUST LIKE THIS.
>> Stephen: GREAT.
WE ARE REALLY (BLEEP) MIDTOWN MAN HASN'T RIGHT NOW.
>> JJ: I KNOW TRAFFIC IS NOW HAPPY WITH US.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT: YOU'RE FROM THE CITY.
>> JJ ABRAMS: I'M FROM NEW YORK, ORIGINALLY.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT: WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST ABOUT TIME SQUARE.
>> JJ ABRAMS: JUST THE CLEANLINESS, AND THE NORMAL
PEOPLE.
>> MALE VOICE: I'M THE NAKED COWBOY WITH STEPHEN COLBERT IN
TIMES SQUARE.
HE'S A BIG LIBERAL, BUT TODAY THAT'S FAIR.
>> AND WITH THAT.ù WE ARRIVED AT THE PLAY THAT GOES WRONG, ALL IN
ONE PIECE.
WE'RE HERE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I THINK.
I THINK I NEVER CHECKED ON THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK.
SOUR PATCH!
( CHEERING ) WHOPPERS!
WHO WANTS WHOPPERS?
( CHEERING ) EVERYBODY SIT DOWN!
THE SHOW'S ABOUT TO START!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: "THE PLAY THAT GOES
WRONG" IS AT THE LYCEUM THEATRE.
THANKS AGAIN TO J.J. ABRAMS!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.