"You'll see different variations, different colorings
because it's a myriad of scars. It's been going on for years
upon years. I actually don't grow hair in most places because
I've picked them so bad." Lauren McKeaney has picked her skin
since she was little and for a long time didn't know why. "Like
up down my arms is pretty common, always in here here."
Eventually, she finally got an answer: Dermatillomania. Also
known as chronic skin picking, it's a mental illness that's
related to obsessive-compulsive disorder. "In Dermatillomania,
or skin picking disorder, the goal is accomplishment. When you
feel that foreign, perceived imperfection that shouldn't be there.
The goal is to eliminate it. When I've had an urge, when I've had an area
that's been bothering me and I know that if I head home,
there's a hallway mirror on my left side. And I know if I had
moved it before I left, I'll still turn to the left when I
walk in my door to check on that. It still blows me away
that my body will still remember to do these things as part of
just the way that I exist. If you give in to the urge, or if
the urge, you know, it's not something that you can avoid.
And you you are sucked in to an episode. There's definitely a
dissociation. There's definitely a zoning out aspect."
to the point it's noticeable. And even though obsessive skin picking appears
in medical literature from as far back as the 19th century,
Dermatillomania isn't well-known yet in the medical community.
Part of that is because it wasn't added to the manual of
mental disorders until 2013. "It's stigmatized as a mental
illness, sure. But it's stigmatized in a stigmatized
community. When you have Dermatillomania, this isn't like
you maybe flicked off a scab or popped a zit or picked off a
cuticle, it's something that affects your social life, your
your dating life, your career." Skin picking was something so
consuming that McKeaney nearly lost her leg. "The abscess that
I had on my thigh got severely infected, and I contracted MRSA,
which is a life taking bacteria, and I ended up having eight
inches of my thigh cut out, a vacuum put into my thigh that I
wore like a purse 24/7, I was in a wheelchair, then a walker,
then physical therapy. Even though not all Dermatillomania
cases can be as severe, I want people to know that story to
know, to not be ashamed if they have something that's infected,
that they are afraid to go get checked out." That infection
helped her find an official diagnosis. Now she's embracing
her Dermatillomania and started a non profit. "I like to think
that I am thriving, intelligent, awesome woman. And but when
you're in that episode, and you're stuck and sucked in,
there's no worse feeling of defeat. And I think even I had
in running this nonprofit and trying to change the experience
for other people who suffer with this that's been one of my
biggest hurdles to get over is that I am still allowed to help others even though I'm still
struggling with it." Picking Me Foundation is the only nonprofit
in the world like it. I say, see it as a form of self love. And I
think it's because I, after spending two decades doing
everything to make you not look too close or not asked too many
questions. I really hampered and forwarded any self growth. And
so even though I'm totally consumed by the disorder, and in
more in the helping way now, and and managing way now, what it's
allowed me to do is meet myself as this advocate." The
organization holds a variety of programs, including art therapy
and social media campaigns. She's also teaching
dermatologists about the disorder. Dermatillomania
doesn't have a cure, but there are ways to help manage it. "So
certain things like the popper. Some of the small ones I carry
in my pocket, lines at a grocery store, somewhere where you're
setting yourself up. I may feel too up, too low, what can I do
to get my fingers off my body. But it also makes me feel like
I'm doing something for this I'm doing something active and
proactive for it, not just waiting to be cured." McKeaney's
message is one that goes beyond her own disorder one for all
skins. "If you look at an aisle about like a beauty aisle or a
soap self care, I'll check out how many bottles specifically
targeted towards women creams, lotions, concealers,
face, wipes, etc. say for clear skin or to clear your skin.
There's this idea that this porcelain, canvas is what we
should be after and what is most acceptable and that's affected
my journey with my skin and my identity from you know from
middle school and making sure that I had at least nine
different concealers always in an area around me just in case
something happened. I could quickly cover it up and make
this skin clear again. So that you know it was easier for
people to handle looking at me, I guess. But now it's embracing
the dots, embracing that my skin is my skin."