Heya playa, have you ever been in a situation where someone shows you a little bit of attention
and your brain immediately jumps to "wow, this is a person I want to go out with".
But before you rush into a relationship with them, there are 6 things you need to know
to make sure you're getting into a relationship with a person you'll regret.
For those of you that are new here, my name is Josh and every single week I make videos
sharing tips, ideas, and stories teaching you how to be your best self.
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I'm gonna be real with you here, the reason why you want to jump into a relationship so
bad is because you're desperate.
Maybe you haven't dated someone for your entire life or maybe you're just going through a
dry spell where there's no one that you're interested in or no one that you talked to
or asked out or even no one that's liked you back.
One of the major problems really run into when they jump into a relationship out of
desperation is that they find that they either quickly get bored of that person or that person
quickly gets bored of them.
If you're just using that person to fill a hole, to fill a gap in your own life well
then they're not being placed there because you really want them there or they're qualified
to be there, they're just doing their job and filling that hole.
Picking someone out of desperation because you're lonely or just getting into a relationship
with someone because all your other friends are in relationships and you don't want to
be the odd person out you're gonna realize that's gonna quickly fizzle out.
You're gonna get bored of that person because there are no qualifiers.
There's no reason for them being there other than to kind of fit that role so you don't
feel alone.
The second thing you may want to think about if you find yourself rushing into a relationship
is that things will quickly get awkward because you don't really know anything about that
person.
I've spoken to so many of you guys who decided to get a girlfriend or boyfriend just so they
would have one only to find out that there was nothing for the two of you to talk about.
The conversations were just these awkward pauses.
You're kind of put the cart before the horse if you get into a relationship before you
get to know the person.
The whole point of jumping into a relationship is because you've taken the time to really
get to know that person better.
Otherwise, it's just going to be a lot of awkward conversations like "hey, how's it
going boyfriend?"
"How are you doing girlfriend?" but what do those words even mean at that point if the
two of you can't even have a conversation.
This tends to happen a lot more when you're younger, let's say in middle school or in
high school but it can also happen when you're older.
Maybe you have that first initial attraction to each other and you decide to just jump
into a relationship only to realize, wow, I don't really know anything about this person,
I don't really feel comfortable asking them questions.
And there's really this tension that exists between us that we probably should have resolved
first before deciding to officially be in a relationship.
And that kind of leads into the third point on why you just shouldn't rush into a relationship,
they may not be the person that you think they are.
As you talk to them, as you get to know them better you might realize wow, we have nothing
in common, we see the world completely differently from each other, this really isn't the type
of person I want to hang out with or just be with overall.
But coming to that realization after you've already decided to be in a relationship with
them once again is just a backward way to go about it.
You should really take the time to learn more about that person.
Look, I know you really want to go out with them because you think they're attractive,
you think they're cute, you think they're hot or popular or whatever it may be but there
are more layers to the person than just the physical.
And this is a super important point to remember guys because let's just be honest, the first
thing you notice about that person is that physical attraction.
You see them and you want to be with them, it's just a natural instinct but you have
to tell yourself, you have to convince yourself to look beyond just that.
Remember, people aren't just what you see on the outside, there's a lot more to them
and if that personality is something you just do not get along with, they drive you crazy,
they bother you so much, then don't get into a relationship with them.
On the flip side though, let's say from the beginning the two of you hit it off.
You're joking, you're laughing, you understand each other.
You might think immediately "Wow, I need to be in a relationship with this person.
This person is my soulmate" but, I'm gonna crush your dreams here because chances are
they're not.
Look, over time as you get to know this person better, you may realize that they are your
person but in the very beginning, having those deep instant connections really is just two
sparks fitting together.
It takes time to really get to know someone better.
To see how to the two of you operate when you're alone when you're around friends when
you're around family when you run into obstacles that's how you really kinda determine if this
is the right kind of person to be in your life.
Because over time you're going to run into tons of people you form instant connections
with.
Connections at the moment which make you feel like "Wow this is a person I need in my life,
so because I need them in my life maybe I should be in a relationship with them".
But, sometimes those soulmates perform better as friends, as people you just casually know
or people you just casually see from time to time.
Not everyone performs best in a relationship role so you should really no matter who they
are, take the time to see if they fit.
And as you get to know this person better, make sure you don't fall victim to the fifth
reason which a lot of people do and that's burnout.
Right off the bat things seem great.
All you want to do is talk to this person and text them and hang out with them and spend
time in their world with them.
But doing that so much right from the beginning thinking that hey, let's jump into a relationship
and spend every waking moment with each other is gonna cause burnout.
You're both going to eventually run out of things to talk about, you're gonna get bored
of just being in each other's spaces, you need to kind of just stretch that out a bit.
Let the tension build and let the relationship fester so that you can actually see if this
is the person that's good for the long term.
And I get it, when you jump into a new relationship you're excited, you're energetic you wanna
spend every moment with that person because it's just all good times, but trust me on
this.
Boredom will set in really quickly and you'll kind of feel that burnout because you're gonna
start to realize wow, we're doing everything together.
We're not giving ourselves time to appreciate every moment that we spend.
If you were to space out your time and really just take more time to get to know them, hang
out with them every so often and kind of just allow yourself time to focus on your friends
and your schoolwork and your personal life, all that mixed in is gonna make that relationship
higher quality but if you're just trying to get the biggest bang for your buck and spend
as much time as you can with that person, burn out will happen real quick.
And all of that just leads to the sixth reason why you shouldn't rush into a relationship
and that's because you might be putting too much pressure on your partner from the beginning.
Think about it like this, you barely know this person but you decide to just jump into
a relationship with them and then immediately they say something like "I love you".
You're going to feel backed into a corner, you're gonna feel like woah, that's a pretty
strong thing to say to someone and I barely even know you.
Or imagine if you've only hung out with someone once or twice and you've really only spent
a little bit of time getting to know them.
The two of you don't really know that much about each other but you're willing to see
where it goes and then all of a sudden they start calling you their boyfriend or girlfriend.
Having that label, having that person put a label on your thing might feel a bit overwhelming.
Or let's just say you've gone on one date with someone and immediately they start making
your relationship public.
They start telling everyone that you're their boyfriend and no one else should talk to you,
that can be a lot of pressure to deal with.
And those are just a few of the things people run into at the beginning of the relationship
when things are still rocky and questionable and you don't really know where either of
you stand.
If that person is willing to just jump into the next stage with you, you gotta start putting
labels on things, saying I love you, declaring your love in front of everyone else, that
can make things awkward for you so really take the time to get to know them before you
jump into a relationship.
Don't put your partner through that and hopefully, they won't put you through that either.
Relationships really are an amazing thing to experience but if you feel like you're
jumping into it so you can have someone you may not be going about it with the best intentions.
Now I know, a lot of you aren't even on the brink of a relationship.
You have to find someone that likes you back first but trust me on this, go about it the
right way, go in with a clear mind.
Find someone you can deeply connect with and build a relationship with over time.
I wanna give a special shout out to my patrons and YouTube channel members, the people that
help make these videos possible.
I'll list them up over here, and if you wanna kind of learn more about the beginning stages
of a relationship, how to get into a relationship to really make it last, check out my video
over here.
I think that video is going to be super helpful for you.
Especially if you've never been in a relationship before and you wanna know what to expect.
Check it out guys and I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.