When Kurt Cobain of Nirvana took his own life at 27, the world lost one of its
greatest artists. In the years since, Cobain has gone down in music history — but what's
the true story behind this beloved grunge icon? This is the tragedy of Kurt Cobain.
When Kurt Cobain was in junior high, he joined his school's wrestling team — not because he
wanted to, but because his father, Don Cobain, pressured him into it.
Unfortunately for Don, the young Cobain hated sports. He also hated hunting, school, his life,
and his hometown of Aberdeen, Washington, which he once claimed was "full of bigoted rednecks."
Cobain had been fiercely rebellious for years. Deemed hyperactive as a child, he received Ritalin
to help him concentrate and then took sedatives to fight the insomnia caused by the Ritalin.
He dyed his hair "wild colors" and, at school, would sometimes spit at "jock types" who would,
in turn, beat him up. Cobain later recalled that many of his peers thought he was gay
because he hung out with girls and had a hard time finding male friends. But, as Cobain later said:
"I'm not gay, although I wish I were, just to piss off the homophobes."
Growing up, Kurt Cobain was ping-ponged between his parents and lived with
various other relatives — mostly because nobody knew quite how to
handle him. His deep-seated hurt drove him to lash out, smoke pot,
and ultimately quit school. He also failed to find a job, leading his mother to kick him out.
Cast adrift, Cobain got by with a little help from his friends. He slept on their couches and in the
backs of vans, landing and losing various jobs intermittently, and even briefly worked part-time
as a janitor at his high school. Then, in 1985, Cobain formed a punk band called Fecal Matter.
Fecal Matter marked a notable improvement in Cobain's circumstances.
He had formed the group after moving in with an aunt whose home doubled as a music studio,
and the band served both as an emotional outlet and an opportunity for Cobain to hone his
songwriting abilities. He would form and dissolve a number of other bands in the next few years,
but Fecal Matter was where Cobain cut his teeth.
Many people see Kurt Cobain as a fragile-hearted poet who shattered under the pressures of unwanted
fame. And sure, that makes for a compelling narrative, but there's far more to the story
than that. Nirvana's ex-manager Danny Goldberg later insisted that Cobain, quote, "definitely
wanted to be famous" and "worked assiduously" to build Nirvana's popularity. Moreover,
Cobain's emotional fissures began showing years before Nirvana rocketed to stardom with Nevermind.
In 1989, Cobain had a nervous breakdown while performing in Rome. Nirvana had been promoting
their first album, Bleach, when Cobain suddenly smashed his guitar, climbed a dangerously high
stack of amps, and threatened to jump. After that, he seemed intent on splitting up the band.
The documentary Montage of Heck suggests that Cobain also attempted suicide as a teenager,
an incident Cobain describes in an audiotape he made in 1988.
Multiple people who knew the musician, however, including Krist Novoselic,
Courtney Love, and former schoolmate Buzz Osborne, have expressed doubts that it actually occurred.
The documentary's creator Brett Morgan later claimed that his goal, in implying this, was to
present a so-called "emotional truth." Whether or not it really happened, though, the facts suggest
that Cobain struggled with suicidal ideation long before his spotlight turned incandescent.
One of rock's most beloved men first locked eyes with one of rock's most hated women at
a nightclub in Oregon in 1990. Within 30 seconds, they were tussling on the floor.
Nirvana had been booked to play the venue, and Courtney Love had a friend with personal ties
to the opening act. Love took a playful jab at Cobain's appearance, who retaliated with a little
flirtatious wrestling. For Cobain, it was lust at first sight. Love then quickly became infatuated
with him after listening to Nirvana's music. They met again in 1991 and discovered they both
enjoyed guzzling cough syrup, with Love later saying that they "bonded over pharmaceuticals."
Before long, they bonded physically too, and in February 1992, they got married on a cliff in
Waikiki. Several months later, Love gave birth to their daughter. The rest is more or less hearsay.
Cobain characterized his relationship with Love as a union of opposites — in his words:
"It's like Evian water and battery acid."
Many call it a case of fly meets spider, with Love as the conniving arachnid. However, Michael
Azerrad, who wrote the Nirvana biography Come As You Are, cast doubt on that assessment. He wrote:
"Kurt had a very strong will and was not easily pushed around. Unless you can do a
Vulcan mind meld with Courtney, I would think twice about second-guessing her motives."
Nirvana's third and final studio album, In Utero,
contains a track that references the 1930s actress Frances Farmer. Kurt Cobain often
likened himself to Farmer, partly because of the constant negative press they both received.
In 1992, rumors emerged that Cobain was at death's door after overdosing on drugs.
The singer mocked the gossip during a British music festival by wearing a wig
and a hospital gown and feigning collapse. When addressing claims made about Courtney, though,
he was far less flippant, telling the audience:
"There's been some pretty extreme things written about us,
especially my wife, and she thinks everybody hates her now."
On September 1st, two days after the festival, Vanity Fair published an article insinuating
that Love got her husband hooked on heroin — and heavily implying that she used the drug
while pregnant with their daughter, Frances. As a result, Frances was briefly taken from the couple.
Horrified, Cobain wrote a letter to his record company boss in which he
decried the Vanity Fair piece as "a crucifixion"
and voiced his desire to leave the limelight for good. As Cobain emphatically put it:
"F--k Nirvana."
Cobain claimed that he chiefly turned to heroin as a method of pain relief.
In a 1992 diary entry, he attributed his heroin abuse to an
"uncomfortable stomach condition" that physicians couldn't identify.
"And they just say, 'oh yeah, irritable bowel syndrome, but I can't fix it.
You know. I don't have anything to fix it.'"
The singer had recently left rehab and apparently felt the need to respond to concerned admirers.
As if trying to downplay his addiction, he wrote:
"So after protein drinks, becoming a vegetarian,
exercise, stopping smoking, and doctor after doctor,
I decided to relieve my pain with small doses of heroin for a walloping three whole weeks."
However, according to his friend Buzz Osborne, the singer told him that, quote,
"there was absolutely nothing wrong with his stomach" and
that he simply invented his ailment as an excuse to keep getting high.
It's worth noting that Cobain was loath to confirm his substance abuse publicly,
largely because he feared his fans — and eventually his daughter — might imitate him. That
might explain why he made a point of discouraging heroin use in another journal entry, writing:
"It was a stupid thing to do and I'll never do it again, and I feel real sorry
for anyone who thinks they can use heroin as a medicine because um, duh, it don't work."
Even casual fans of Nirvana may have noticed the band's biggest hit,
"Smells Like Teen Spirit," at one point mentions guns. Firearms also notably appear in "In Bloom"
and "Come As You Are." While it's obviously a stretch to link these violent motifs to
Cobain's eventual death, it's fair to say that his lyrics often provided insights into his inner
turmoil. It's probably unsurprising, then, that guns featured prominently in his life.
As a teen, Cobain witnessed his mother threaten his stepfather with a rifle before
tossing his stepfather's gun collection into the river. Cobain later snagged the guns and sold them
to purchase his first amp. Firearms also caused strife in Cobain's marriage, as Courtney Love
refused to allow guns in their home. In 1993, that disagreement led to violence, when Cobain
assaulted Love and was subsequently arrested. According to some reports, Cobain allegedly pushed
Love to the floor and choked her, after the pair argued over some guns he had recently purchased.
Love would later deny being assaulted,
but she told officers at the scene that Cobain had attacked her. Nearly a year later,
authorities returned to their home when Cobain threatened to shoot himself.
For years, Kurt Cobain's friends and family watched him spiral deeper and deeper into
both depression and addiction. Things only got worse between 1992 and 1994,
when Cobain faced a number of further troubles.
After his daughter had been briefly taken from him by child services
over his and Courtney Love's heroin use, he finally got her back — and then got back on
heroin within weeks. Over the ensuing months he became embroiled in multiple domestic disputes,
interspersed with overdoses and suicidal threats. According to Krist Novoselic,
Cobain was frequently high in the final days of his life. Novoselic said:
"He was out of his mind on heroin. I remember seeing him those last days and he was loaded."
In March, the singer had seemingly attempted suicide while in Rome. As a result,
Nirvana hit the pause button on a hectic European tour. But instead of heading home, Cobain checked
into a five-star hotel and ingested a load of tranquilizer pills. He lived, but not long after
returning to his Seattle home, he locked himself in a room with a revolver and threatened to pull
the trigger on himself. Authorities later removed the firearms from Cobain's home — but two weeks
later he convinced a friend to help him buy a shotgun, claiming he needed it for home security.
During his final days, those closest to Kurt Cobain fought desperately to pull him out of
his spiral. Nirvana's ex-manager Danny Goldberg sent him to a number of doctors and therapists,
while Courtney Love, Nirvana's members and managers,
Cobain's mother, and other worried relatives staged an intervention.
In a last-ditch effort, Love invited Cobain to join her in Los Angeles for rehab.
None of it worked. For a moment, there was a faint glimmer of hope,
as he traveled to Los Angeles and entered a treatment facility. But he escaped two days
later, apparently by hopping a 6-foot wall. Several days later he was dead.
"The lead singer of the enormously popular rock band Nirvana is dead,
apparently he was a suicide at the age of 27."
On April 8th, an electrician found Cobain's body; lying across his body was a shotgun.
Among the items discovered at the scene was a note in which the singer
revealed that his passion for music had evaporated, famously adding that:
"It's better to burn out than to fade away."
Cobain's final words were reserved for his wife and child:
"I love you, I love you."
Frances Bean Cobain was just 20 months old when her father died. Despite barely having any time
with her father, Frances grew up seeing him everywhere. She later told Rolling Stone:
"I was around 15 when I realized he was inescapable.
Even if I was in a car and had the radio on, there's my dad."
Worse still, Frances ended up marrying a man who was so obsessed with her father
that he attempted to look like Kurt Cobain — and even took possession of
Kurt's guitar when he and Frances divorced. Understandably, years of being inundated
with reminders of a father she couldn't remember took a toll. It probably didn't
help that she lived in 27 homes in 25 years and quit high school in 10th grade, either.
In 2018, however, Frances found a more positive outlet for her troubles;
an art exhibit dedicated to Kurt Cobain's upbringing. Rather than retreating,
she has since embraced vicarious memories of her father, and even frequently quotes
a phrase from his suicide note in an effort to reclaim the power of the words:
"Peace, love, empathy."
One can only speculate about how different her life would be if Kurt Cobain had overcome
his own demons, but Frances herself has a pretty clear idea. She says:
"I would have had a dad. And that would have been an incredible experience."
If you or anyone you know is having suicidal thoughts,
please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction issues,
help is available. Visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
website or contact SAMHSA's National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, please contact the Crisis Text
Line by texting HOME to 741741, call the National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline
at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264), or visit the National Institute of Mental Health website.