my first guest has been gently skewering
politics for decades with his secret
comedy weapon
ragtime piano music your parents
probably have
some of his old records like oh say can
you c major
and state of the tune yun well
please welcome one of the best political
song paradis
tip rivers hey tip hello conan
tip rivers present hey and speaking of
presents how about that present joe
biden dropped on syria recently
what's the return policy on that gift
huh don't get me started
okay well great that's exactly the kind
of
lightly sharpened take on politics
you're famous for
tip okay i'm very excited to hear what
you have for us tonight
well sir as the tip of the iceberg said
to the titanic there's a lot more where
that came from
how about our own beloved national
anthem but a little bit off-kilter
wow i can't wait let's hear it okay very
good
here we go oh
say did you see for the election stolen
by antiques
[Music]
should we surround the white house with
crossbows
to remove sleepy joe and
install eric troll
no okay uh wait a minute no i'm i'm
i'm not sure i can get behind that one
tip and eric
trump really i mean come on you know
donald is going to be very busy with the
construction of gitmo 2
once he locks up the clintons and the
obamas and ellen degeneres
and you know conan you know who did get
behind
that little song well it was the small
and mostly elderly crowd at the
cpec conference this weekend they
enjoyed it a lot your songs used to be
hilariously gentle
and balanced it wasn't the kind of
right-wing stuff that
gets you booked at the conservative
political action conference
oh code don't get me started on that den
of swamp creatures no no no no
this was cpac with a q the celebrity
pedophiles according to meticulously
researched facts assembled by
q let's just hear another song and
please
don't make this song one about the
election being stolen okay
oh no problem conor and i have hundreds
of songs that is no problem at all
how about something patriotic would you
like to hear something patriotic i would
yeah
okay good here's a song about one of our
great revolutionary heroes you ready
and away we go green
coma marjorie armed with your
a15 of the i sing
you follow cue and you
think gays should not spawn
lasers cause winter storms on
this we are green you know hey stop
stop tip stop stop stop no
do not sing a song about her she's an
awful person tip
i'm starting to think you're an awful
person too that was just i mean that was
low oh did you think that was low
because i actually felt that i was
singing a little above my range
i'm making a joke for heaven's sake i
was perfectly in tune tip
tip i gotta say i think we're done here
come on conan
it's just me the same old tip rivers
who's given you so many years of
soft chuckling okay we're pals you and i
don't get so
angry let me go out on a high note okay
something uh that has nothing to do with
politics at all how about how about
something inspiring how about
all good old amazing grace would you
like your amazing grace no amazing grace
yes
that actually sounds nice that's great
fine then we'll go out on a high note
away
we go amazing
race of caucasians
our heritage in peril
i see now the waves won't stop
till every white is sterile
go get me started conan these liberals
are neutralizing our genitals they
really are and they're stealing our
prescription
pills too do you know that i didn't know
that that's not true tip rivers
everybody no no listen i i had a few
drinks and i went to sleep and i woke up
three days later and all of my ambien
were gone
you know what we have a great show we
have a great randall park
is going to be here he's in one division
park is definitely in on it no he's not
even
anything tip he is in on dispersing the
odorless gas that sterilizes white
people like
that okay we will be right back tip
you're out of bounds you're wrong
we've got to get our hands on that
odorless gas and we've got to spray it
all over hollywood and sterilize all of
them okay
you're done i'm true with you tim you're
not coming back you won't be back on
you'll never be back on sure i will
you'll forget
just like last time or the time before
all right you'll probably be back on in
three weeks
but three weeks tops