[music]
Hey what’s up everybody.
It’s Stephan Labossiere
also known as StephanSpeaks.
Today,
I want to give you the top three red flags
in dating.
Now, there’s a lot of different red flags I can name.
I’m not going to sit here and say
there aren’t others that we can add to list
and I really want you to comment below,
and tell me what you feel are your
top three red flags.
Because everyone’s different we’re going to see
different answers, but I’m going to give you
three general ones.
I think these are ones that aren’t always
considered by a lot of people,
but I definitely feel
are warning signs or are things that
you need to look into.
When they do pop up
and when I say look into
properly address them with that individual.
Let’s get right to it.
Tip number one or red flag
number one.
They’re still mad at their ex.
Now, here’s the reason why
this is a red flag.
If this individual expresses
resentment, anger,
any kind of negativity towards their ex
then they’re still holding on to something
from that relationship.
They have not properly healed from that relationship.
Now, you may be thinking
why is that really a big deal?
We all don’t like our exes--
or not all of us, but many of you
don’t like your exes,
and that shouldn’t be an issue.
No, it’s an issue because if that individual
has not healed,
and come to peace about that situation.
Then they are 99.9% likely
to drag something into this new relationship.
They have emotional baggage
that can cause a lot of problems
in this now interaction with you.
It could be insecurities that
stem from that relationship,
it could be a lack of trust
because of the fact that they’re not
even going to believe
all the good you bring to the table.
Because they’re still holding on to the bad -
they experienced in the last relationship.
There are so many things that can come about it
but if they’re still expressing
anger and negative energy towards their ex.
It needs to be talked about,
it needs to be addressed
and we need to make sure they aren’t
carrying baggage with them -
emotional baggage.
Now, red flag number two.
They just want to go with the flow.
You hear that more
from men.
Men telling women
let’s just go with the flow.
The reality is that it can happen both ways,
but I will admit that it probably happens
more with the men.
Regardless of who it’s happening with.
The reality is that the individual who says
let’s just go with the flow
has no vision
for this relationship.
Has no specific plan
and that can be dangerous.
I’m not saying it can’t ever work out,
but without an understanding of where
we’re trying to go with this.
Then people can end up getting
very emotionally invested
but then very disappointed
when that other individual
is not on the same page as you.
I believe that if we’re going to have a successful
relationship, whatever that be;
whether that be to be friends
romantically, whatever.
We need to have a shared
goal in mind or a shared vision.
So if it’s like, "Hey,
we’re getting to know each other for the sake
of building towards a relationship."
Or, "Hey,
neither of us are ready right now."
"Let’s be friends and we’re cool with being friends."
Whatever it is we’ve got to be on the same page
but we have to know where we’re trying to
go with this,
so when that individual cannot express that.
I do believe that is a red flag
and you got to take a step back
because can you feel okay,
and comfortable
with proceeding with someone
who’s very vague in their intentions with you?
I think that’s again too dangerous
of a dynamic to entertain
and so that to me, is definitely
another huge red flag.
The third red flag
would be
they hang around a very negative circle,
so what am I saying here?
What I’m saying is that
if you take a deeper look into their lives--
and the reality is that this is one that.
You may not learn on that first date,
and you’re going to have to go deeper
to really see this.
Once you see it
or you become aware of it in any kind of way
it needs to be addressed.
The fact is when people
hang around negative people
they are going to hang on to negative thoughts,
they’re going to be fed
a lot of negative energy,
they’re going to be fed a lot of
unhealthy behavior.
They’re going to become a product
of their environment
to a certain extent.
Now, I’m not saying 100%
people who have or are constantly exposed to negativity
aren’t able to rise above that,
but you’ve got to take a look
or a deeper look at it,
and have a deeper discussion
about this.
Do they subscribe
to the perceptions and beliefs that the people
they hang around?
Whether it be their family members,
their friends, so on and so forth.
It’s almost like
if you’re trying to have a serious relationship--
and let’s just use men for example--
as in it’s a woman dating a man.
The man hangs around nothing but
single dudes who love to run the streets
and wreak havoc.
You’ve got to make sure this dude
does not think the same way as his friend.
That he’s really gone past that
and he’s matured to a new level to where
he’s not going to allow that to affect him,
and how he handles this relationship with you,
and getting involved in
inappropriate behavior that
he doesn’t need to be engaging in.
Same thing if you’re a man dating a woman,
if she’s around nothing but negative--
let’s say-- even if they’re not single friends.
Let’s say just negative friends--
whether there are relationships or not.
Then you have a situation where
these friends can feed her a lot of doubt,
a lot of insecurities.
Make her question things about you
that doesn’t need to be questioned,
but it’s simply coming from
their negativity, and their bad experiences,
and their lack of healing.
These things can cause a lot of
problems so again,
look at the circle they're
engaging with.
Look at the people that they
expose themselves to
on a regular, consistent basis
and make sure
they’re not
taking on, and absorbing,
and mimicking, a lot of that negative
behavior, and negative energy.
Because that will definitely
or can definitely destroy your relationship.
Again, like I said earlier
there’s a lot of different red flags I can give you.
I want you to tell me in the comments below
what are your top three red flags
or what maybe your top red flag?
If you don’t want to name all three.
Again, just make sure you subscribe
to the channel.
I hope you enjoy this video.
Always, always when you see a red flag
just don’t cut people off.
Talk to them about it.
Address it,
have mature discussions
because again, sometimes
what you see is a red flag
is a correctable issue.
If that individual is prepared and willing
to make those corrections then we can
move forward with them,
but if they’re unwilling to do so
or they dismiss it as not a big deal.
That’s when you say,
“Okay, well this isn’t going to work for me
and I’ve got to move forward without you.”
Again subscribe, like the video,
comment below,
and I’ll see you next time.
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