-Hi everyone, welcome to the "Tonight Show."
I'm Jimmy Fallon. Thank you so much for watching.
I threw my -- I threw my voice out yesterday.
-You did? -Doing the guy with the mask --
The guy with -- the man mask. -Oh, right, right.
-I threw it out. So I'm a little raspy.
There's a little extra bonus tonight.
I got a little raspy voice. -Raspy.
-It's mysterious. -Worth it.
-Mysterious, you don't know if I'm -- if this is a bit
or if this is real, you know. I kind of like it.
I kind of might want to keep it.
I'm talking to a couple vocal coaches.
[ Light laughter ] To see if I can keep it.
-Make it a thing?
-Yeah, I'm gonna make it my thing.
-Make it a thing? -Yeah, this is gonna be a thing.
It started off, you know, lemonade out of lemons.
-I don't think -- I don't think it's a good fit.
[ Light laughter ] -It's --
What are you talking about? This fits me.
-Um, I don't know. -You know what, do you remember
when we were on the Thanksgiving Day float?
No, not that story. -Oh, okay.
-The other story. No, no. -Okay.
-No, no, not -- No, not Richard Simmons.
That was great.
But, no, this is when we were on the float
and I was up -- I forget what we were on,
some giant something, and I was screaming,
I was so excited.
It was the first time. -Oh, yeah, yeah.
-I was like, "Happy Thanksgiving!
Happy Thanksgiving!"
Yelling, and you go, "Dude, dude.
Save your instrument." [ Laughter ]
-Yeah, you lost your voice like blocks into,
like, an 80-block parade. [ Laughter ]
-I was so excited, man.
I was like, I've never been on a float.
I was yelling at everybody. Yelling back, "I love you too!
Happy Thanksgiving!" And then, yeah, I lost it.
Save your instrument. -Yeah, man.
-Wow, I even wrote that in my diary.
-[ Laughs ] -Anyways, we're back, everybody.
And thanks so much again for watching last night.
This is episode two of the in-studio shows,
and it -- it feels good be -- to be back here.
So, let's get to some jokes.
Well, guys, as cases of coronavirus continue to surge
across the country, President Trump has made a decision
regarding next month's Republican National Convention.
-The Republican National Convention, which is set
to take place in Jacksonville six weeks from now,
we're told now by Republicans familiar with the planning,
a lot of that may be moving outdoors.
-Yeah the president is now holding a three-day
outdoor event in Florida in August.
[ Light laughter ]
It will be worth watching just to see Trump lap up
glasses of water like a thirsty Golden Retriever.
[ Slurps ]
[ Laughter ]
And poor Mike Pence is going to be sweating
like he's sitting through a "Drag Race" marathon.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, Trump decided to move the convention outside
after meeting with his most trusted advisors,
Chuck Woolery and the My Pillow guy.
[ Laughter ]
Well, guys, as you probably heard, the Trump family
has been in a legal battle with the president's niece
for weeks now over the release of her tell-all book.
Let's see how that turned out.
-An explosive new tell-all about the Trump family
hits shelves today.
On the eve of its release, a judge lifted a gag order
on Mary Trump, allowing her to speak freely about the book.
-Trump lost his lawsuit against John Bolton
and his book became a bestseller.
He lost his lawsuit against his niece
and her book is on its way to becoming a bestseller.
Mr. President, I'm personally asking you,
please sue my new children's book.
[ Laughter ] Thank you.
Trump's niece actually wrote a pretty interesting book.
Chapter 11 is all about his family businesses.
[ Laughter ]
That's right. Yeah.
Thank you. Thank you. [ Rim shot ]
I owe you one. I owe you one.
That's right, there's a new tell-all book,
and there's a lot of pretty big claims.
One of them is that Trump regifted a basket of food
to his niece for Christmas.
Regifted. And the caviar was missing.
Here to talk about it is the one guy who changed his mind
on Trump because of this.
-Well, hey there, Jimmy.
-Thank you so much for being here, sir.
So I hear that you've been a die-hard Trump supporter
for years, and after this gift basket thing,
you had a change of heart? -Well, that's right.
Before, when I thought about Trump, I was like, yes!
But now after this gift basket thing,
I'm like, oh, unh-unh!
[ Light laughter ]
-Really? Really? This?
-I know a bombshell when I hear one, Jimmy.
And Caviar Gate, I mean, just slap me on the ass
and rewrite the history books. Whoo!
I mean, party foul.
When it comes to gifts, baskets, and fish eggs,
I want to be on the right side of history.
-Well, now look, I got to say I'm surprised that this
tipped it over for you.
What about the other stuff Trump has been accused of,
Russian meddling or ignoring coronavirus,
lying about crowd sizes, tear-gassing protestors
for a photo op?
-That's really just the president being the president,
but this caviar thing -- I mean, total monster,
it's almost like, I can't believe I'm saying this,
it's like he doesn't care about other people.
[ Light laughter ]
Either regift the whole basket or don't regift it at all!
What has happened to our country?
-Come on, now, what about when he said that
Hillary should be locked up, or bullied Greta Thunberg?
That didn't change your mind?
-He didn't do those things, though.
-Yes, he did.
-But then he said he didn't,
so, you know, who's to say?
-All right, look.
So you've totally changed your mind based on this,
based on a gift basket?
-Not completely.
We still have to hear from the experts,
the basket manufacturer.
The fish. Martha Stewart, probably.
-Yeah, I -- I don't think that they --
-I mean, what does the
-No, no, no.
-Look, Jimmy, there's a legal precedent for shading someone
by taking their fish eggs.
The Supreme Court ruled on it.
-In what case?
-Roe v Shade. -Roe v Shade.
-Yeah, okay, that's enough.
The one guy who changed his mind on Trump, everybody.
I guess Biden just got another vote.
-Actually, I'm voting for Kanye. Whoo!
-Please, please, please, get it -- please.
[ Laughter ]
[ Sighs ]
Meanwhile, as the president is dealing with his relatives,
the coronavirus rages on.
In response to a spike in cases, California governor Gavin Newsom
has had to make some tough decisions.
-This morning, as California sees a surge
in coronavirus cases, the nation's largest state
rolling back its reopening.
Governor Gavin Newsom ordering the closure of in-door dining,
bars, movie theaters, and even zoos across the state.
-There's actually a name for staying home
and wearing a mask in California.
It's called getting a nose job.
[ Laughter ] -Ohh!
Oh, oh!
-[ Chuckling ] Oh! -Ha, ha.
-Oh, yeah.
There. Me?
-Went there. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
That's right. Bars and zoos are also closed.
It's a real bummer if your favorite activity
is to get drunk and then go yell at some penguins.
[ Laughter ]
Can I -- Can I come back to --
[ Laughter ]
Can I come back to here?
New York has decided to be extra careful,
but others are going in a slightly different direction.
Check out what just reopened.
-Disney World's welcoming guests back
at their Magic Kingdom and Animal Kingdom parks.
-It's crazy. Right now the boring part of Disney
is the roller coaster, while the scariest part
is standing in line.
You know Disney's being reckless because the character
greeting everyone at the front gate is Sneezy.
I think -- Why -- [ Laughter ]
There's six other choices.
Yeah, the park is open,
but if you fail the temperature check,
you get locked inside "It's a Small World"
for two weeks.
And that can -- that can do some serious D.
[ Laughter ]
But this --
I heard it somewhere, you can say --
-No, you did not -- -Yeah, yeah.
I could do some serious D, man. -No. No.
-Mess you up a little bit. -No!
Mess you up a little bit. -Stop it.
-Oh, this is nice. [ Laughter ]
This is nice, though. For $20, they will sell you
a picture of the exact moment that you get the virus.
Isn't that cool?
Maybe I'm being too tough, though.
Disney is doing the best they can.
For instance, the two guys inside the Pluto costume
are now facing opposite ways.
[ Laughter ]
Disney World has decided to reopen,
while other places are being a little more cautious.
-KFC is reportedly shutting dining rooms
at its company-owned restaurants in Florida.
The company has also told franchise owners to consider
doing the same in COVID-19 hot spots,
including Arizona, California, Florida, and Texas.
-Yeah, KFC wants everyone to stay healthy...
while they eat a bucket of fried chicken
and big gulp of gravy.
KFC is actually a good choice during the pandemic
because when you're done with your meal,
you can turn your empty bucket into a face shield.
[ Laughter ]
And it's not just KFC that's taking precautions.
Today White Castle announced...
[ Laughter ]
Dude, this is for real. This is serious.
White Castle announced that it plans to test a cooking robot
named Flippy. [ Light laughter ]
-Wait, what?
-They invented a robot named Flippy,
and in at least one of its kitchens this fall
they're gonna unveil it.
This is real. Take a look at Flippy.
♪♪
[ Laughter ] -That's --
-Dude, that is the last thing you want to see
when you're stoned and going to White Castle,
a robot arm wearing a shirt, flipping burgers.
"What?!"
After one shift, Flippy was like,
[ Robot voice ] "I should have stayed in school.
My brother is an MRI machine."
[ Light laughter ]
And finally, everybody, our country is still
in the middle of a pandemic.
And yesterday, Education Secretary Betsy De Vos
defended the administration's push
to reopen schools this fall.
Even though many parents disagree,
some think it's possible if kids wear masks.
It's a complicated situation, so we have PTA president
and mom of four, Deb Brown here to help break it down.
Deb?
-Oh, hi, hi, Jimmy, you actually caught us
during a brief park break. -That's great.
Well, why don't you tell us little bit about why
you think kids should go back to school?
-Hmm. Well, Jimmy, it's simple --
masks work for us, and they'll work for our kids.
I mean, they really -- Hey, kiddos.
Masks on, okay? What did we talk about? Hmm?
We just really really need to teach them
that it's our new normal.
-But don't you think that it will be difficult
for teachers to navigate on top of everything else?
-I mean, 7th grade algebra is hard to navigate, Jimmy.
This is something teachers --
Honey, it goes around your nose and your mouth,
not your nose and your eyes.
You don't breathe with your eyes.
Use your brain, think. -Oh, my God.
-That teachers won't have to worry about
because it will be natural.
-Yeah, but some people think it might be distracting.
-Distracting?
Jimmy, we've got cellphones, iPads, SMART Boards.
Johnny, if you snap his elastic one more time, no TV,
and I swear to God, this time I will do it.
It won't be any more distracting.
-SMART Boards.
But you don't think we're making a hard situation
even more difficult?
-I mean, I think it's already hard for all of us.
And how are they both wet?
How are the brand new masks I just gave you both
absolutely sopping wet, huh?
I mean, we all have to be flexible.
-Do you think it's something kids will even be able to do?
-Jimmy. Jimmy, our kids can do anything.
You can't paint it!
Well, if you paint it, then you can't breathe!
That defeats the purpose of the mask!
Give me the -- Come on, give me the paint brush.
No, do not put the paint brush in your mouth.
You take it out. No, stop painting your brother!
Do not paint him! Do not paint him!
-Wow. Wow.
-[ Clears throat ]
Our kids can do anything they put their minds to.
-Okay, sure. But...
-Hey, get the --
[ Laughter ]
...way too fast! -Okay, hey --
-If Jason puts the bugs in his own mask --
-Okay. Sorry -- -...then stop!
-Is this a bad time? If this is a bad time --
-Stop feeding the bugs to your brother, Johnny.
-Okay --
PTA president Deb Brown, everybody.
We have a great show for you tonight.