- If you feel scared to open your heart again
because you've been blindsided or you've been betrayed,
this could be a life-changing video for you.
Check it out.
(light music)
Hey there, my name is Mat Boggs
and I'm the founder of the Loving Relationships Division
here at the Brave Thinking Institute
where our mission is empowering people
to create and live a life they love,
and that includes your love life.
So if you like this video,
I encourage you to click the little subscribe button
and click that little notification bell
because every week, we bring you videos to empower you
in your love life.
And today, we're talking about what do you do
when you've been betrayed?
What do you do when you feel like you've been blindsided?
Like you were in this relationship
and then out of nowhere, he cheated or he broke up with you
or something happened where you feel like
you didn't see it coming and it was incredibly painful.
That is one of the number one things that prevents people
who want to attract new relationships in their life
from being able to move forward is the fear
of experiencing that pain again.
And so, I'm gonna share with you some ideas,
specifically three ideas that can be life-changing for you,
that can set you free from that fear.
In a coaching program I do called Manifest Your Man,
so many women come through that program
who have experienced this.
They feel like they've been blindsided or betrayed
and they are like petrified to really open their heart again
'cause they don't wanna experience that fear.
And so, the first idea that I encourage you to take in
and I'm gonna give you a warning on this idea
'cause this idea might feel hard,
might feel harsh to actually take in at first.
But my encouragement is stick with this because if you do,
it is liberating.
And the first step is this one.
See the signs that you missed.
And here's what I mean.
Most of us tell ourselves I was blindsided.
I didn't see this coming.
And that's a lie.
It's a lie.
The truth is most likely, you did see this coming.
Most likely, there were signs that you just simply ignored
and didn't do anything about that then culminated
in the betrayal or in the being blindsided.
This happened in my life.
I was dating a woman I thought I wanted to marry.
I go away for the weekend.
We've been together for over a year
and I come home from that weekend work trip
and I go to her place, like she's not picking up the phone,
I call her, she's not responding to text.
So I go over to her place and knock on the door
and I look and the windows, like the shades are open
and her apartment is empty.
She had moved out of her apartment.
Didn't tell me and didn't communicate anything.
Three weeks later, she finally calls me
that she had had an emotional breakdown
and things were tough and it wasn't right for her
to be in this relationship right now
and she needed to go heal and she moved back in with her mom
and just all this stuff.
And I was devastated 'cause I wanted to marry this woman.
I thought we were on that path.
And I was telling myself, "Oh, she blindsided me.
It came out of the blue."
But the truth of the matter is, if I actually look back,
there were all kinds of signs
that would lead me to know that this woman wasn't ready
for a serious relationship.
All kinds of signs,
but I didn't wanna believe 'em or see them.
Why?
'Cause I wanted it to work out.
Desire affects perception.
So one of the most important things we can do
is take an inventory, review that relationship
and say, "What were the signs that you actually did see?"
Because here's what's great.
As long as you stay in a position
of I missed all the signs, I didn't see this coming,
then you're a victim.
You're a victim to what somebody else did.
Now, whatever they did, they chose to do those things.
But if you're able to claim,
no, I could have seen these things
and I just chose not to act.
I saw these things and I could have said something,
but I didn't.
If you're willing to claim that,
then what that does is something amazing.
It reclaims your power.
It says, "No, I actually can commit
to something new in the future.
I can co-create something better in the future
because I did see these signs."
So that's step number one is to see the signs
that you missed and own that yes, you did see signs
and you just didn't say anything.
Step number two is to forgive yourself
and forgive the other person.
Forgive the other person for their acts, for what they did.
Knowing that you know what?
As harsh as it may be, whatever it was,
that was the best they could do at that moment
and with their level of emotional maturity,
with their level of consciousness,
that was the best they could do.
If they could have done better, they would've done better.
And you forgive them to free yourself.
And then you forgive yourself for your part,
for not saying what you needed to say,
for not taking the action that you could have taken.
You forgive yourself and you release that past.
And if you want support with that piece,
if you want really support with all of these pieces,
we do deep work in Manifest Your Man.
It is an amazing program that helps you release
all the things in your heart that are holding you back.
Build a mindset that is magnetic for love
and then the skill sets to actually call in love.
And you're not only going through that program with me
but with a group of amazing women.
So if you're interested in that,
I'll put the link in the comments below
'cause I have so many women asking for that,
I think you would love it.
So click that link and check out that program,
because step number two is release and forgive yourself
and the other person.
And step number three is super important.
Step number three is recommit
to standing up for yourself and asserting yourself
when you see a red flag,
When you see that something is off.
If you're willing to make a commitment
that you're gonna stand up on behalf of yourself,
that you're gonna assert yourself,
that you're gonna have those sweaty conversations,
those challenging moments,
you're willing to face the storm in those moments,
then you know that you're going to steer clear
of any of the major storms that might come if you don't.
And that is a very empowered move.
And so, I'm gonna give you right now,
there are five things to look for in his behavior
that if these things are off, you wanNA assert yourself
into the relationship and correct things or let it go.
And these are things you can look for early on
to know can I really trust this guy?
'Cause the first step is trusting yourself.
Trusting yourself,
meaning that you're gonna spot the red flags.
You're gonna hold a soft place in your heart for you
and the other person and you're gonna assert yourself.
That you need to have in place.
The other part is, can I trust him?
I'm gonna share with you five quick-hitting things right now
to know you can trust him
and if he's not doing these things, insert yourself
in the relationship and have that tough conversation.
Number one is listening versus ignoring.
Is he a kind of guy who listens to your needs,
who listens to you, who acknowledges your feelings?
Or does he ignore you?
Does he sweep things under the carpet?
Right?
If he's ignoring and sweeping things under the carpet,
you wanna talk about that.
Number two is, is he open and honest
or does he have secrets, right?
Does everything align in his story?
Is everything lined up
or do you feel like things are just off?
You're gonna know whether things are off
or you're gonna know whether things are on.
If they feel off, bring it up.
Number three, is this guy giving?
Is he generous with his heart, with his mind, with his time?
Or is he selfish?
Is he only in it for himself, right?
If you notice things about selfishness
that impacts you or impacts others,
if you notice that he tends to be a bit more selfish,
that's something that you wanna note to yourself
about how much further you wanna engage with this guy.
Number four is someone who keeps agreements
versus someone who's full of excuses, right?
Someone who's trustworthy
is gonna set an agreement and keep it.
He's gonna text you when he says so.
He's gonna call you when he says he will call.
He's gonna show up at the time that he says.
He's gonna show up.
My relationship that ended, it was always excuses.
It was so hard for her to keep in agreement.
Little things, even for calling
when she said she was gonna call.
And it's okay.
It was what the best she could do at the time.
But had I noticed that early on
and brought it up and held the standard,
I would've never let myself get to the place
where she ultimately had to dissolve the relationship
'cause the two of us weren't right for one another.
So is your guy full of excuses?
Or is he most of the time, keeping his agreements?
And the fifth sign that you know someone is trustworthy
is whether he's complimentary versus critical.
Is he the guy that lifts people up, builds people up,
helps them feel better about themselves?
Or is he constantly criticizing people
or constantly criticizing you?
As you're looking at those indicators,
those indicators are the ones that tell you
that the kind of guy that you've got
is a trustworthy guy or not.
And if he's not, then you're gonna assert yourself
in the relationship and deal with that red flag
as it comes up.
So know this, you can trust yourself.
Know this.
There's an amazing man out there who is trustworthy.
And as you set your intention
to call in that kind of relationship, it shifts everything.
I have so many clients who were just betrayed
and their heart shattered in a previous relationship.
They came in, they did the work,
they learned to trust themselves.
They released the past, they forgave themselves.
They learned how to assert themselves in a relationship
where it doesn't push him away
but actually creates more intimacy.
And time and time and time again,
these women have manifested their man
and now they're in the most amazing relationship ever.
My question for you is what are the signs you've learned
for whether or not you can trust the person
that you're in a relationship with?
Go ahead and post those in the comment section below.
And know this, I appreciate you.
Thanks for watching.
I'll see you soon.
(bright music)