Narcissist, flying monkeys.
Those words are enough to strike fear in the heart of any empath. If you've been where I've been, then you
definitely agree with me on this one. Well, that's exactly what we're talking about today at QueenBeeing.com.
Narcissist smear campaign and flying monkeys and how those three things work together to make your life more difficult,
as you're going through probably one of the most difficult times in your life already.
So let's get started. (Closed captioning provided by Athena Moberg and
CPTSDfoundation.org). My name is Angie Atkinson and on this channel I offer free, daily video coaching to help you discover,
understand and overcome
narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships. I like to call it toxic relationship rehab.
So if that sounds good to you, hit that Subscribe button and let's get going. What are flying monkeys?
Well,
flying monkeys are people, individual people who do the
narcissists bidding for them. That term came
of course from The Wizard Of Oz with the witch and the flying monkeys. What it's all about is, sometimes the flying monkeys are well aware that
they're helping the narcissist manipulate you and other times they're just well many people who have been snowed over or manipulated by the
narcissists. Flying monkeys are
anyone that takes information that you give them or information about you and brings it back to the narcissist. They often are
intentionally sort of gossiping or getting into the drama of the situation and sort of reciprocally
giving the narcissist supply by giving them information on you and also receiving their own, because it's kind of a awful thing to do.
We're gonna talk about what the types of flying monkeys are in a little bit more detail
So let's start right here. First,
we have The Unwitting Flying Monkey, and that's the person who's just really a nice person and really cares about you,
but the narcissist has fooled them into thinking there's something wrong with you and something right with the narcissist. People who
happen to know the narcissist don't know what narcissism is or that that person even is abusive and
give them that information about you, sort of innocently thinking that they are
answering a concern the narcissist has about you.
So the narcissist will very often convince like your best friend or your mom or your cousin or your whatever, even their
relative who has become very close with you to help
manipulate you. Now that person doesn't believe they're helping to manipulate you, they really think something's wrong and they're really trying to help, but
inevitably there are many
unwitting flying monkeys involved when a narcissist is around, but even worse than the unwitting flying monkey in my opinion is
the sort of Co-narcissist Flying Monkey. In some situations
narcissists team up with other narcissists in order to really just get down on the
manipulation. Things can get really ugly when two narcissists join forces, you know what I'm saying?, and that's partially because when two
relentless, abusive manipulators join forces against you, well you've really got a problem.
It happens a lot of the time with couples, between parents and children or even just among friends. One friend
will get the other friends to gang up on you. It's not good.
It's best just to not talk about the narcissist and to keep really the information about the abuse to people who
understand and people who can support you. Not everyone's gonna understand and
that information getting back to the narcissist can create a whole other
level of abuse, such as smear campaigns or more gaslighting and making you into the bad guy.
The only thing you can do is go no contact ideally or if you must be in that person's life then you have to get
really good at taking control of the situation. So what's the best way to do that? What's the best way to
release the flying monkeys as it were. Well, I'm gonna start off today by letting you hear Richard's and Dana's thoughts. So here's Richard.
I mean I've had to deal with one myself last year you know, when I used to teachself-protection,
I would teach like basics to people and it I teach the core thing that everybody needs to do and
then people would say to me;
well,
what do you do
when the guy comes at you and he wants to punch you with his left hand and his mate wants to kick you with his
right foot. You want to get down for specifics and everything and what I found helped the most for me was to come back to
basics and go okay, I need to monitor my own emotional and psychological state, because this is going to be tough,
this is going to be triggering.
This is just like in childhood when - this is just like childhood when I wasn't understood.
When people were talking badly about me, when I was being bullied, when I was being scapegoated. It's
extremely, extremely triggering if you're in a flying monkey situation.
So you've got to do your white belt, yellow belt, blue belt, basics first and protect your own emotional state, keeping your perceptions clear.
Get help you know and don't
go to your mates or your family and tell them stories about what's going on.
Get the help of a third person, an adult professional who can give you some
real non-agenda and feedback so that your sense of reality -
You can still hold on to something or someone. That would be another piece of advice.
And here's Dana. Do what you need to do in order to stay safe and stay in. So if that means changing
your email address, changing your phone number,
getting a fake facebook account,
if you're on social media. Really learning about what people can see on social media. If the flying monkey stuff is more in person,
then trying to have a witness to your experience as much as possible, either
recording stuff on your phone or if you're dropping off your child or what
have you - doing it in a public place. Like you know, I don't know, a McDonald's or
something where there's other people around or it's not...
So you're trying to limit them,
the damage that a flying monkey can do and really a lot so much of this stuff is about
anticipating what you think that they might do.
So you can... like you're saying, so like you can be instead of being reactive you can be responsive.
Should you try to convince the flying monkey of the truth?
Should you try to convince a flying monkey that you're right?,
or should you just keep quiet in order to save your sanity a little bit?.
Well that depends on the person, but in so many cases it's almost pointless to try to convince a flying monkey of the truth - the
fact that maybe you're actually right or maybe you're not crazy or even to try to convince them of the narcissist true intention and there
are a few different reasons for that.
One of them being that the narcissist probably already told them that you would say whatever you're going to say, because there's such
manipulators. The other part is, if you are dealing with a co narcissist situation,
well we know how effective it is to try to communicate with a narcissist, right?.
In most cases what a flying monkey does is tries to give you advice or directiy or manipulate you into doing something.
So in many cases the best option is to just go - mm-hmm,
okay,
sure enough and then move on do what's best for you, because the flying monkey is not going to accept
whatever you say because the narcissist is already twisted their perception if they're a nice person in real life or
because they're also a narcissist, either way
it's not usually beneficial to try to convince them. My rule is if it's someone who I believe is on my side,
I will explain one time
exactly what I think and if that doesn't kind of get through their head, or they don't ask me meaningful questions,
I stop, I don't waste my breath. Of course
the other side of this coin, is that often
nrcissists will try to use you as a flying monkey and I've done an entire video about that before. I'll link to it for you
here,
but even though you may have been used as a flying monkey in the past, now that you have started to recover from
narcissistic abuse chances are you won't allow yourself to be used as one again. If you're worried about that,
make sure you take a look at the links in the cards above and in the description below,
because I'm going to share with you more links on ways to deal with manipulators and flying monkeys.
This brings me to the question of the day
and the question of the day is; Have you dealt with a flying monkey before and how did you handle it?,
do you know flying monkeys and were your flying monkeys the toxic narcissist type, the cold narcissist type or
were your flying monkeys more like the well-meaning friends type?. Share your thoughts, share your ideas,
share your experiences in the comments section below and let's talk about it. Now
I'd like to offer a really quick shout out to my amazing channel members, to my inner circle.
Thank you so much for being a part of this channel, for helping me to make this channel better for everyone else and
to spread my mission even further. I really appreciate you, I really appreciate that
you took a chance on me and that you're here supporting my mission here at YouTube to help
survivors of narcissistic abuse discover, understand and overcome their situations so that they can evolve and become the people they truly want to be.
Thank you,
it means so much to me. My awesome channel members and inner circle
include; Angela Falsetta. Susan Marion. Roxanne Antle. Deborah. Lorenzo D.
Life's Revival. Tricia Wolf. James F.
Marlene. Jen Archer. Sara Lee. Patricia Keenum. Delilah De ballsack and Darla Berg.
Alright now that's all I've got for you right now,
but as always thank you so much for being a part of my day and a part of my life and hey!,
thanks for letting me be a part of yours,
it really does mean a lot to me. Now before I go, make sure you take a look at the videos
I'm leaving for you right here and right there and while you're here, hit that Subscribe button right down there. I'll see you soon.