Let's count down the top 10 self-destructive thoughts that you should avoid at all cost.
I'm Dr. Paul Jenkins a professional psychologist and I believe more and more that every problem
we face is a problem with thinking. The first five are not going to surprise you too much. But I think
the last five might. Let's start this off with number ten, I'm not good enough, no surprise, right?
This is a self-destructive thought that a lot of us have. It's not true but it causes all kinds of
misery when we think that. We tend to be our own worst critics and we are harsher on ourselves than
other people. That's why it made the list, I'm not good enough. Number nine is kind of similar, I can't
handle it. Now, as a professional psychologist I want you to understand something about this
particular thought. The number one cause of anxiety is this thought and often it's at a
subconscious level it's down under the surface somewhere. Dr. Susan Jeffers pointed this out
in her book Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway that at the root of every fear is one common belief
and that's it. That I can't handle it. How would you feel if you believed that you could handle
anything. You can see why it's a self-destructive thought. Coming in at number eight, people think I'm
fill in the blanks this gets watered down really fast. Because whatever you think other people think
has to be inaccurate. You don't know what other people are thinking. What are they thinking about
you right now? Now, you might think that you know but that's your own thoughts getting in the way.
One of my colleagues told me once hey, what other people think about you is none of your business.
I kind of like that because it helps us to overcome this self-destructive thought. Number seven
is a little sneaky, I'm struggling with... whatever. Again, you can fill in the blanks. It's that idea of
I'm struggling, I'm having a hard time. I'm not saying that things are easy or pleasant because
often things are not easy and unpleasant. But the thought of I'm struggling is self-destructive
because your mind is looking for ways to fulfill that. Hey, for this one just do a little experiment
for the next few days delete, I'm struggling from your thoughts and let's see what happens.
Here's another one that I hear all the time this is number six. I just don't see how whatever.
Now, this is destructive because a lot of times people just end it there. If they're trying to
do something that is productive or move toward a goal and then that thought kicks in, well I just
don't see how that's going to happen. I just don't see how we can afford it. I just don't see how
we're ever going to do that and then they end it there. It's not the thought so much that is
the problem it's the ending it there. Because I don't see how to tells you what you get to work
on, work on seeing how to. Everything that's created is created first in the imagination or in the mind.
It's called the mental or the spiritual creation. It has to happen before anything else manifests.
So, you get to work on seeing it just notice that one and make sure you don't stop after
that self-destructive thought. Now, the next five on the list are what I call sneaky little thoughts.
Now, before I get to those take a moment click that subscribe button look if you're still here
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that notification bell so, that you don't miss anything we send your way. Coming in at number
five on our list, things will be better when or things will be easier when. Okay, now, this is sneaky
because it might seem true that once you overcome this challenge or achieve that goal then your life
will be better either easier or happier. It's elusive because here's the reality of it. It is
what it is and what it is could always be better and it could always be worse. So, wherever you are
right now. You can always imagine something better than that and you can always imagine something
worse. What that means is once you accomplish whatever it is that you said life will be better
after that. That still leaves you right here in the middle. It could always be better than that
even. It could always be worse than that. So, it's an illusion to think that things will be better when.
Actually, the truth is, it'll still be whatever it is and it could always be better.
Let's watch out for that sneaky one. Some of these top five are sneaky because they sound
so good or positive. Here's number four, I have to do whatever. I should accomplish whatever, okay?
This is a sneaky one because it seems so noble to take on our responsibilities and to say well,
I really need to or I have to or I should. Need to have to and should create pressure and the truth
of it is you're in choice. When you say for example, I have to go to work. How does that feel? Now, what
if we switch that up to hey, I choose to go to work. I get to go to work. See, we can make subtle changes
in that takes some of the pressure on. I get challenged on this sometimes yeah, but Dr. Paul if
I don't go to work I won't get a paycheck. I can't feed my family. Okay. So, you choose to go to work
because you prefer the consequences to going to work over the consequences of not going to work.
Do you see how it's a choice? When we are in choice the pressure's off and we have a whole lot better
psychological experience. Number three is really similar to what I just shared with you.
I have to make sure that. Now, think about what I'm saying here. I have to make sure that, what?
That something happens? That somebody does something? That certain circumstances,
are a certain way, can you? Can you even do that? I think it's impossible. This comes up in our parent
coaching all the time. I just need to make sure that my kids are safe, really. Can you? Now, I'm not
saying that you shouldn't take reasonable steps to create safety for your children. I think you
should do that but can you make sure that they? Can you make sure that they do their homework? Can you
make sure that whatever? See, this creates some of that pressure again and it gets really annoying
and irritating to other people Because you become micromanaging or hyper-controlling especially in
a parenting situation. But how might that apply to other social relationships? Make sure that they or
make sure that something happens, it's a sneaky one. Number two on our list, I really need to
improve something. I need to improve the way I do my communication. I need to improve my parenting.
I need to improve my health. This is sneaky because that sounds so awesome. It sounds like the right
thing to do. The problem with it is exactly what we've been talking about here that it creates that
pressure and it takes us out of choice. Let me give you an example that happened in my
office. One of my clients where I was doing some private coaching said, okay, Dr. Paul I guess I
just really need to improve how I think and my response was or not. Well, he almost came out of
his chair. He's like but I want to well, that's different. Do you see I need to improve something,
creates a different emotional experience than I choose to improve something. It's an upgrade as an
option, it's not required. If we were to really dig into this, I could show you how your life right now,
rocks the way it is. You don't have to improve anything. But the paradox is once you let go of
your need to improve something you're actually in a position where you can upgrade it more easily,
more effectively. It's really sneaky, watch out for it. Here's the last one and watch out for this, okay?
Number one on the list of these self-destructive thoughts is, I just want everybody to be happy.
It sounds so noble to just want everybody to be happy but the human experience is that we get to
experience ups and downs. We get to feel a wide range of emotions and when we think I just want
everybody to be happy. We're putting ourselves in a position first of all where we'd have no control.
We have no ability to affect that outcome and it denies one of the most rich aspects of our human
experience and that is a range of emotions. What if instead, we were to have a thought about hey, how
other people feel is completely their business. When we love people we want them to be happy,
that's natural. I just want to watch out for that sneaky little thought that says,
I just want everyone to be happy which creates unnecessary misery for us. I hope you found
this video helpful, there's others. In fact, would you watch the next one? How you can reprogram your
mind to stay strong and positive. I've got your back on this, I hope you go watch that one next.