♪ >> James: GOOD EVENING,
WELCOME TO THE "LATE, LATE SHOW."
IAN, YOU ARE NOT, YOU ARE NOT INTO THAT SRART OF THE SHOW.
YOU WERE NOT INTO THE START OF THE SHOW THERE IN ANYWAY.
>> I'M SORRY, THERE WAS BREAKING NEWS SO I WAS TRYING TO FIGURE
OUT IF SHE FOOD FINNING A EL IT INTO THE MONOLOGUE.
>> James: WHAT HAPPENED, TELL US THE NEWS SHOULD WE FINAGLE IF
IN.
>> THE GSA SETTER SPHIED MICHIGAN SO THE BIDEN TRANSITION
TEAM CAN START TRANSITIONING.
>> James: LOOK AT THAT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, WHAT, WHAT IS GOING ON.
>> James: NEVER LET IT BE SAID WE ARE NOT AT THE FOREFRONT OF
BREAKING NEWS, BABY.
>> THE BLEEDING EDGE AND IF THIS IS GOOD ENOUGH I DON'T HAVE TO
GO WRITE JOKES ABOUT IT.
>> James: I FEEL LIKE WE HAVE COVERED IT.
I FEEL LIKE IT IS AS FUNNY AS ANYTHING WE NORMALLY DO ON THE
SHOW.
BUT LOOK AT, THAT RIGHT ON THE FOREFRONT, WE HAVE JUST GIVEN
YOU BREAKING NEWS YOU ALREADY HEARD ABOUT.
SEVEN HOURS AGO.
>> FRESH.
>> James: BUT STICK AROUND CUZ THERE IS A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU.
TONIGHT WHAT A LINE-UP.
TONIGHT WE'LL BE JOINED BY THE INCREDIBLE MICHAEL J FOX IS
GOING TO BE ON THE SHOW TONIGHT, ON TOP OF ALL THAT, AND THIS IS
EXCITING, BTS WILL BE PERFORMING THEIR NEW SONG, LIFE GOES ON,
TONIGHT.
MICHAEL J FOX, BTS, LIKE IT'S, THIS IS HUGE FOR ME.
WHERE WERE YOU, DO YOU REMEMBER HOW YOU FELT WHEN YOU WATCHED
BACK TO THE FUTURE FOR THE FIRST TIME.
>> Reggie: OH MY LORD, YEAH, I WAS LIKE THE PERFECT AGE FOR IT
IT BLW MY MIND, I LOVE TIME TRAVEL ALREADY BUT THAT WAS
JUST-- .
>> James: WHAT WOULD YOU DO, WHERE WOULD YOU GO BACK TO IF
YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, LIKE WHERE WOULD YOU GONESS WITH
MAYBE LIKE 1977, NEW YORK CITY, LONDON.
>> James: THAT WHOLE VIBE.
>> YEAH.
>> James: IAN, WOULD YOU RATHER GO BACK TO THE FUTURE OR
FORWARD TO THE FUTURE.
>> I WOULD GO BACK BUT NOT LIKE SUPERFAR, I WOULD GO TO LIKE
1996.
>> James: WHY, WHAT HAPPENED IN '96.
>> I THINK THAT IS WHEN AMERICA PEAKED.
I THINK THAT IS WHEN WE PEAK PEAKED T IS NEVER GETTING
BETTER, SEINFELD, MICHAEL JORD ARCH, WE THOUGHT SNAP EL WAS
HEALTHY-- SNAP EL.
>> James: ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY WRITE ABOUT SNAPPLE.
WE ALL THOUGHT IT WAS A HEALTH DRINK.
>> SKIP THE SODA AND THEN JUST DRINK JUST SUGAR.
>> James: BUT LET'S GET INTO SOME HEADLINE, PRESIDENT TRUMP'S
LEGAL TEAM IS STILL FIGHTING THE ELECTION RESULTS BUT THEY APPEAR
TO BE LOSING SUPPORT AMONG REPUBLICANS.
IN FACT WHEN FORMER REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR CHRIS CHRISTIE WAS
ASKED ABOUT IT THIS WEEKEND HE DID NOT MINCE HIS WORDS.
>> IS IT FINALLY TIME FOR THIS TO END?
>> YES, AND WHAT HAS HAPPENED HERE IS QUITE FRANKLY THE
PRESIDENT'S LEGAL TEAM HAS BEEN A NATIONAL EMBARRASSED.
>> James: AS OPPOSED TO THE LAST FOUR YEARS WHICH HAD REALLY
GONE OFF WITHOUT A HITCH, YOU KNOW.
I WILL SAY, I DO THINK CHRIS CHRISTIE IS WRONG ABOUT THIS
BEING A NATIONAL EMBARRASSMENT, I REALLY, REALLY DO.
I TALK TO A LOT OF FRIENDS OF MINE AND FAMILY BACK HOME, AND I
CAN TELL YOU IF ANYTHING, THIS IS AN INTERNATIONAL
EMBARRASSMENT.
I THOUGHT THAT WAS FUNNIER, I THINK THAT WAS MY DELIVERY, I
DIDN'T TAKE THE BREATHE.
BLEEP WHREEP SHOULD I HEAR IT AGAIN OR PLOW ON.
>> I THINK YOU RUN IT BACK AND PUT ALL THE SAUCE ON IT.
>> Reggie: YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
>> James: WE'RE GOING TO RUN IT BECOME AND PUT ALL OF THE
SAUCE ON IT.
I WILL SAY THOUGH, CHRIS CHRISTIE IS WRONG ABOUT THIS
BEING A NATIONAL EMBARRASSMENT THOUGH, HE IS, YOU KNOW, I TALK
TO A LOT OF PEOPLE BACK HOME, IF ANYTHING, THIS IS MORE OF AN
INTERNATIONAL EMBARRASSMENT.
(LAUGHTER) AND YESTERDAY ONE OF TRUMP'S
LAWYERS SIDNEY POWELL WAS FIRED FOR PROMOTING A CONSPIRACY
THEORY THAT WAS TOO WILD EVEN FOR TRUMP.
APPARENTLY SHE MADE BASELESS CLAIMS THAT REPUBLICAN OFFICIALS
HAD BEEN INVOLVED IN A PAYOFF SCHEME TO MANIPULATE VOTING
MACHINES.
HERE'S HOW BIG OF AN EMBARRASSMENT SHE WAS TO THE
TRUMP TEAM.
THE GUY WHO HELD A PRESS CONFERENCE NEXT TO A SEX SHOP,
AND LAST WEEK HAD HAIR DYE RUNNING DOWN HIS FACE AND WHO
WEARS LOAFERS THAT LOOK LIKE CLOWN SHOES, THAT GUY, STILL ON
THE TEAM.
BUT I SAW THIS COMING.
I DID.
ANY GOOD CONSPIRACY THEORIST WOULD TELL YOU IF YOU REARRANGE
THE LETTERS IN SIDNEY POWELL, YOU GET NEEDY PILLOWS WHICH IS
OBVIOUSLY A NOD TO THE MY PILLOW C.E.O. WHO INVENTED CORONAVIRUS
TO DE STABILIZE THE NECK SUPPORT INDUSTRY.
(LAUGHTER).
>> James: I GOT TO BE HONEST, I SPENT A LOT OF TIME ON THE
INTERNET THIS WEEKEND.
AND WHILE IT'S STILL NOT CLEAR WHETHER TRUMP WILL EVER CONCEDE
THE ELECTION TO JOE BIDEN, TWITTER HAS WEIGHED IN AND
ANNOUNCE THEY WILL AUTOMATICALLY TRANSFER THE POTUS ACCOUNT TO
BIDEN ON INAUGURATION DAY.
BUT THAT CAN'T STOP TRUMP FROM CHANGING THE PASSWORD AT THE
LAST SECOND TO BIDEN SUX69.
I MEAN TRUMP MOSTLY TWEETS FROM HIS PERSONAL ACCOUNT ANYWAY.
HE ONLY USES THE POTUS ACCOUNT FOR IMPORTANT PRESIDENTIAL
BUSINESS LIKE RETWEETING EVERYTHING FROM HIS PERSONAL
ACCOUNT.
MEAN WHALE TRUMP IS STAYING PRETTY MUCH OUT OF THE SPOTLIGHT
WHICH IS NOT SOMETHING HE TYPICALLY DOES.
IN FACT TRUMP AVERAGED ABOUT 48 MINUTES ON CAMERA EVERY DAY IN
2020, BUT HAS ONLY SPENT ROUGHLY 50 MINUTES TOTAL ON CAMERA SINCE
THE ELECTION.
I'M SURE THE PRESIDENT, HE IS BUSY, PUTTING THE FINISHING
TOUCHES TO HIS DETAILED PLAN FOR THE PANDEMIC.
HE WANTS IT TO BE PERFECT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK HE IS DOING, HONESTLY, BINGE WATCHING
THE CROWN, I THINK IS HE IN THE WHITE HOUSE RIGHT NOW GOING I
LOVE DINAH, PERFECT TEN.
YOU SEE HER ON ROLLER SKATES, WOW.
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING FOR TONIGHT'S SHOW?
YOU LOOK LIKE THIS SHOW IS AN INCONVENIENCE TO YOU ON THE WAY
TO THE FARMER'S MARKET.
(LAUGHTER) WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?
WHAT, WHAT IS HAPPENING?
LIKE-- HANG ON, JUST TALK ME THROUGH IT, WHAT'S HAPPENING?
>> I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO GET DRESSED FOR THE SHOW.
RIGHT BEFORE WE STARTED I SAID HEY MAN, ARE YOU GOING TO WEAR
THAT JACKET.
>> James: SO WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I WERE HERE AND THEN THEY WENT OH, THE SHOW STARTING AND WERE
YOU LIKE OH, WELL, I'LL GO WITH IT, I'M GOING TO GO WITH THIS
WHOLE DAD ON THE-- LINE ON A MIDDLE LEAGUE GAME.
>> YEAH, THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED.
>> James: WELL, GOOD FOR YOU, GOOD FOR YOU.
MEANWHILE PRESIDENT-ELECT BIDEN IS MOVING FORWARD WITH HIS
TRANSITION INTO THE NEW ADMINISTRATION AND HAS ALREADY
BEGUN TO NAME CABINET MEMBERS.
TODAY HE ANNOUNCED HE WILL BE NOMINATING HIS LONGTIME FOREIGN
POLICY AIDE ANTHONY BLINKEN AS SECRETARY OF STATE.
THIS IS THE RETURN TO NORMALCY WE NEED, A REGULAR BORING GUY
WHOSE NAME I CAN BARELY PRONOUNCE.
YOU KNOW?
HERE'S ANTHONY BLINKEN HERE, LOOK AT THAT.
IF NOTHING ELSE, NOW WE AT LEAST KNOW WHAT JACH BRAFF IS GOING TO
LOOK LIKE IN 15 YEARS TIME.
I LIKE SEEING THIS.
I DO.
FINALLY A MEMBER OF THE CABINET WHO DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THE VILAN
IN AN '80S KIDS MOVIE.
YOU KNOW, INSTEAD HE LOOKS LIKE A GUY WHO HAS GOT ONE LINE IN AN
EARLY 2,000 POLITICAL DRAMA.
SIR, IT'S TIME TO GO.
AND DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS, THIS MORNING, SEVERAL NBA PLAYERS HAD
AN UNPRECEDENTED MEETING WITH POPE FRANCIS TO DISCUSS SOCIAL
JUSTICE ISSUES.
I MEAN THIS FEELS LIKE THAT EPISODE OF SCOOBY DOO WHERE HE
HAD THEY HAD THE HARLEM GLOBE TROARTS, ARE YOU LIKE THIS IS AN
UNEXPECTEDDED COMBO BUT I'M DOWN TO SEE WHERE IT GOES.
THE NBA PLAYERS APPARENTLY DISCUSSED AMERICAN SOCIAL ISSUES
WITH THE POPE.
SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T LIVE IN THE UNITED STATES AND CAN'T REALLY
DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
SO I THINK IT IS STARTING TO SEEMIC LOO THE POPE JUST WANTED
TO MEET SOME NBA PLAYERS.
LIKE I NEVER SAW THIS, DID YOU HAVE THE POPE DOWN AS A
BASKETBALL FAN, IAN?
>> I DON'T KNOW, I'M PRETTY JEWISH SO I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF
OPINIONS ON THE POPE IN GENERAL.
>> BUT YOU SEE-- WHAT IS HIS TEAM, WHO IS THE POPE GOING TO
SUPPORT?
>> UTAH JAZZ?
WITH.
>> YEAH?
I KNOW WHO HE HIS NFL TEAM IS.
>> WHO IS THAT.
>> James: CARDINALS.
>> COME ON.
OFF THE TOP OF THE DOME, OFF THE TOP OF THE DOME I DON'T EVEN
FOLLOW FOOTBALLK I ONLY KNOW ABOUT THE CARDINALS BECAUSE OF
JERRY MAGUIRE WITH.
>> WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE CARDINALS PLAY THE SAINTS.
>> >> James: I DON'T KNOW, WHAT
DOES HAPPEN WHEN THE CARDINALS PLAY THE SAINTS.
>> IT IS PROBABLY A NARROW CARDINALS WIN, YOU KNOW, LIKE A
24-21 SITUATION.
COULD GO THE OTHER WAY TOO THOUGH.
>> James: HARD TO KNOW.
BUT THEY, THIS IS TRUE, THE POPE, THE PUMP, THE POPE AND THE
NBA PLAYERS EVEN PLAYED A PICKUP GAME AND THE POPE WAS INCREDIBLE
ON DEFENSE THANKS TO HIS BRAND NEW HAT.
AND WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU THIS.
A BELGIAN CITY IS GETTING A LOT OF ATTENTION FOR THEIR CHRISTMAS
DECORATIONS BECAUSE THEIR LIGHTS LOOK LIKE, WELL, SEE FOR
YOURSELF I MEAN LOOK, WE'RE ALL EXCITED ABOUT THE HOLIDAY.
WE NEVER DISAPPOINTMENT WE LOVE A GOOD PENIS STORY AT THE "LATE,
LATE SHOW," THAT IS A FACT.
IF THERE IS ANYTHING OUT THERE THAT VAGUELY LOOKS LIKES A
PENIS, WE WILL FIND IT, WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT.
>> THAT'S OUR LANE, SORRY, SORRY JON OLIVER, IF YOU WANT A PENIS
JOKE.
>> YEAH, WE'RE NOT AS GOOD AS REALLY DECENT A HUGE PIECE OF
SOCIAL INJUSTICE PENIS STORIES, WE ARE OUT IN FRONT.
>> WE'LL TAKE A CLOSER LOOK, ALL RIGHT.
>> OH.
>> 100 PERCENT.
CAN WE SEE THE PHOTO AGAIN?
I MEAN LOOK IT'S NOT EVEN THANKSGIVING YET, LIKE THAT IS A
CLASSIC CASE OF PREMATURE DECORATION.
I MEAN THESE DECORATIONS GIVE A WHOLE NEW MEANING TO THE PHRASE
BLOWOUT THE CANDLES.
AND FINALLY IF YOU THINK YOU'RE IN THE GUTTER NOW, YOU'RE NOT,
YOU'RE NOT, I KNOW YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS AS LOW AS WE COULD
SCRAPE, IT IS NOT.
WE GOT SOMEWHERE ELSE TO GO, BABY.
BECAUSE FINALLY AN ONLINE FOOD DELIVERY SERVICE RELEASED AN
ADVERTISEMENT WITH A RATHER EMBARRASSING PUNKATION ERA
PROMOTING A RON DONE RESTAURANT NAMED ANU'S KITCHEN.
AND THEY LEFT OUT A CRUCIAL APOSTROPHE AND THEY SPELT IT
LIKE THIS.
(LAUGHTER) AND ON THE ONE HAND IT IS CALLED
ANUS KITCHEN, ON THER HAND 15% OFF.
I MEAN BASED ON THE NAME, THIS SOUNDS LIKE A RESTAURANT THAT IS
ONLY OPEN ON BIRTHDAYS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES.
THEY HAD ENOUGH TROUBLE WITH THEIR NAME, EVEN WORSE, THESE
ARE THE HOLIDAY DECORATIONS OUT FRONT.