hey my name is basha i have a question i have two years
11 and 12 years old at home how do i work with them ah great question you know
one of the books that i wanted to write was the the 10 laws of quantum parenting
now i raised my kids in this philosophy and this way of life in this lifestyle and my kids are
really unique people because i did not start off when they were four years old saying you create
your reality now stop that that's not fair to a child they don't even understand what that means
but there are certain things that you can do for your children that are very beneficial for example
never try to reason with your children they're emotional because no new information can enter
the nervous system that isn't equal to the emotion they're experiencing do you want to be reasoned
with when you're emotional do you want to be left alone you want a few minutes yes now if there's
an injury if there's danger of course you have to step in if there's chemical needs of course
you have to you know take care of that but for the most part with my children i allowed them
to have their moment but whatever whenever they had their moment i would stop
whatever i was doing and i would turn and look at them and i would watch them i wanted them to know
that i was observing them never said anything to them unless they asked and when the emotions
wore off i would say to them at the end of the day i'd get in bed with them and i'd say
it's a tough day for me today and i would share with them what i was working on as if they were my
best friend or an adult i didn't hold back at all with them and i would do that to create the space
of safety where they could start expressing what they knew that i observed about them
in the most objective way self-reflective way and then they would say oh yeah you know i lost my
temper with paris you know her friend and i and i said i know i saw you
this is right before they go to bed what's their brain waves at this point very suggestible
they're already dipping into theta they're an alpha they're in the love stories because
it helps them to imagine and then i would say to them the same thing every time you know i really
don't care what happened what i care about is if you had another opportunity in the same situation
how you would do it differently i just want to know how we could evolve your experience
and then of course they would give me answers that were always limited
you know especially my boys but you know and i say well if you do that you know more than
likely this is going to happen did you think of that no and then we go back and forth
until we had a very clear understanding of what would be the higher road to take the next time
and then i would say to them no just so i'm sure that i understand this
can you repeat it back to me like if that happened again what would you do and then they would go and
say it and then it would fall off a little bit and i'd bring them back and i'd review it with
them until the point where they could explain it exactly what they would do are you with me
what did they just do they mentally rehearsed it yes or no and they're installing the
circuitry they're priming their brain for the experience i'm giving them tools neurologically
are you with me still and i say to them then if you did that then that more than likely
would create this experience and how would you feel and i would let them just contact
that feeling just for a minute and all i wanted to do was combine an intention and an emotion
a new emotion you with me then i'd get them in bed tuck them in and i would tell them a story
of these kids that lived in a mystical land with castles and dragons and princesses and
and then i would tell them the story of these kids and then i would bring in their story
into the allegory because there's a story allegory is a great way to associate with characters and
then i would tell them the lessons that they learned while i repeated it back to them in
a very creative story and so many times they look at me just before they fall asleep and they'd say
was that me let's say i don't know was it
the next day i'd get him up of course i'm up you know before the sun
come on come on get up we got things to do come on i connect with them i'd always connect with them
and let them know that they're important and that they matter and that i love them and i
would tell them how the day was going to go the main things and i'm going to remind you just so
you have some structure and then there's going to be time to play but we have to get these things
done i give i just help them understand that there was some ritual involved in this some
boundaries some intention and then when we were at breakfast i'd say
what was it that you would do if you had that same situation with paris again tell me and
then i would have them rehearse it again and i would do it to the point that they would say
well they wouldn't say that they'd say god i just want this thing to happen so you would leave
so you can just leave me alone just i just can't wait for it to happen so i can get on with my life
now i knew they were ready and i would watch them so many times especially my
oldest son my other son can model anything you can show him how to do something once
or twice and he'll do it he just he is just that way he's got his mirror neurons in place
because i would always say to him watch me watch me do this i want you to watch me do this so then
you have children they have mirror neurons when a lioness takes a cub out to hunt she
doesn't say okay you two go this way you go this way i'm gonna ambush him from the back she says
watch me and they are so intent and so frozen on what she's doing they're observing her so much
that they're actually activating the same circuits in their brain as her circuits when she's hunting
she's selecting and instructing those circuits by modeling the behavior so they could imitate
the behavior are you with me so think about the terrible twos you've got a kid he's one years
old she's all cute or he's all cute and all of a sudden they get wheels at one and because they're
so neuroplastic they want to know how everything works so they open up the cabinet under the sink
they pick it up they turn it upside down they pour everything out and what do you say no
then you know something else no they do this for a whole year then they turn two and you say them
put on your shoes and they say no it's a terrible two so i wonder where they got that from they're
modeling behavior yes but they're not going to pay attention as much to what you say in the beginning
as to how you say it and how you act because they're going to model that behavior and now
your behavior is actually activating the genes that they inherited from you
in the environment and they'll behave just like you it's that easy are you with me still so then
with children we set up conditions when they were kids i had a beautiful greenhouse as an
example and i would take a seed and put it in a little um planter of corn and then another seed
and another plant and another one and i would say to my kids all right all of that whatever you got
going on that negative energy i just want you to just put it into that seed and this one we are
going to hope we're going to nurture it for the greatest good we're going to love it we're going
to love some life into it third one i don't want you paying attention to i don't want you thinking
about it once you're looking at it don't eat don't you look at that one and every day we did
this and i can't tell you how many times that one that got the anger and the frustration and then
all that stuff got maggots and died didn't even didn't even germinate the one that usually takes
two weeks to germinate you know the corn seed is out of the gate in like four days it's growing the
other one's somewhere in between happened over and over again now i believe that if you give children
the facts they interpret the laws i remember my oldest son poking at my my middle my daughter
she kind of looked over at him and she said jace i knew she was thinking about those
corn seeds she said you know if i react to you that isn't going to be loving to me
she figured it out that if she got angry it was going to do that to her body to her cells
and to this day she's an adult in every decision she makes
she asks herself the question will this be loving to me this is just part of her circuitry
and then as they got older they had to create something on their own once they understood
the principles understood the formula and i could not intervene in any way and i mean my kids have
not that i didn't want to give it to them i just wanted to see how the universe would work you know
neighbors coming over with a motorcycle just to hand it off to them a car given to them you know
trips to different places unlimited shopping sprees i don't know whatever being in a music
video whatever they wanted i just allowed them and encouraged them to do it but i would always do it
with them i didn't say do your meditation i'd say let's do it i got one too let's do it together
and then as they were when they were little you know i just mothers you know i mean how many times
does a mother just never have time for herself i raised my kids for a good portion of their lives
and when i walked out in the morning i just put down a pillow wrapped myself in a blanket
put my blindfolds on and they would just be playing around me they just thought every
everybody did this and they just left me alone and i left them alone as long as nobody was hurt and
nothing was burning down or there was any danger you know they knew that it would be a certain
amount of time then i'd come out and i'd be super happy and so that was just part of their their
their environment it was just something that they accepted and my children
you know to this day you know they they love uh their time for themselves they they love doing
that they have they know how to respect their time for themselves and with technology it was
really simple if i call you once and you can't stop on that video game and pull in the plug
that's it i'm just going to pull the plug because if you can't stop you're addicted to it
they did experiments with kids they said we'll give you a dollar every time we ring the bell
while you're playing the video game we'll give you a dollar when you stop guess how many kids
are able to do it zero and you want to take children to go from a narrow focus
to a broad focus get about nature get them out and surf my kids surf and they board and they
rock climb and they cycle and do all that stuff because and they can set their phone down for a
half a day they don't they're not going to come back and feel like they need it i want them to
be able to use technology but not use it for the rush of emotions or chemicals my youngest
son i got to work a little harder for because he doesn't know a world without technology he didn't
didn't grow up with without it so i got to make my way with him in a different way but in the
absence of that stimulation now you can't find pleasure from anything you tell the child take
your dog for a walk boring go see your grandmother i don't think so let's go watch the sunset boring
why let's learn something new what their pleasure centers are so hijacked so kidnapped to a higher
level they can't find pleasure in anything they're dependent on something to make them feel
are you with me still they get older in their life and they get in trouble they face a difficult
situation they'll be looking for something out there draw some drugs something to stimulate
them to take away that feeling and that becomes a challenge so with your children if they're doing
technology have them do it after they finish all their homework after they finish all their chores
after they complete everything they feel so satisfied you'll find them say i don't really
want to play i'm cool but now it's a way for kids to connect with one another because of what
because of kovid you can you know play xbox or whatever and play your games and
be able to interact socially so as long as they don't overdo it where they come out and they are
when that happens when you see that kind of glass glazed overlook they're they're they overdosed
and they're not even going to hear you unless you yell at them and raise your voice to get
their attention and now you go to school and learning should be a reward in and of itself
now they have to act out they have to get in trouble they have to
do something to get the rush of adrenaline to pay attention
becomes a danger so with children you want to be the example and not be the preacher
they are little souls in a body and they're figuring it out and they chose you their souls not
their personality their souls chose you for the environment in which they are going to be raised
and for the genes that they get to express on their own journey and your best thing to
do with them is to include them in and not to lecture them about creating the reality
be honest with them about how you're learning how to do it lead let them follow then stop and
let them lead and see if they're heading in the right direction and counsel them in the right way