LOUIS CATO. WOOO!
LOUIS. OH, MY GOODNESS.
OH, MY GOODNESS. OH, MY GRACIOUS.
LOUIS, TONIGHT. >> Louis: TONIGHT!
>> Stephen: TONIGHT, MY FRIEND, WE HAVE SOME FANTASTIC
GUESTS. I HAVE HAD THIS GENTLEMAN ON
BEFORE, HAD THIS GUY WHEN HE WAS STILL A MAYOR IN INDIANA.
SECRETARY OF TRANSPORTATION, PETE BUTTIGIEG, IS HERE TONIGHT.
>> Louis: THAT'S RIGHT.
HE'S GOT THAT INFRASTRUCTURE MONEY.
I'M GOING TO TRY TO GET HIM TO BUILD US A BRIDGE.
AND THEN ONE OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE, INA GARTEN, BAREFOOT
CONTESSA IS GOING TO BE OUT HERE IN A LITTLE WHILE.
TOMORROW NIGHT, TOMORROW NIGHT, WE'VE GOT GEORGE R.R. MARTIN.
HE'S ABOUT THAT NEW DRAGON THING HE'S DOING.
HE'S GOT A NEW DRAGON THING. "RISE OF THE DRAGON," I THINK.
AND ALSO, BANKS REPETA IS GOING TO BE ON HERE.
OSCAR WINNER EDDIE R REDMAIN. I SUPPORT THE MONTCLAIR FILM
FESTIVAL, AND EVERY YEAR I INTERVIEW PEOPLE FOR THAT.
I LOVE THE FESTIVAL, AND I GET TO MEET AYERSTS.
I GOT TO SPEND ABOUT A HALF AN HOUR TALKING TO EDDIE REDMAYNE.
IT'S CALLED "THE GOODENERS," WITH JESSICA CHASTAIN.
HE PLAYS A NURSE WHO POLICE THINK KILLED 400 PEOPLE.
YEAH, HAVE A GOOD SHOW. HAVE A GOOD SHOW.
TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT. I ALSO INTERVIEWED BRENDAN
FRAZIER IN "THE WHALE." WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
BRENASSAINCE. AND I SAW THE NEW "KNIVES OUT"
MOVIE, "GLASS ONION." AMAZING.
AND THIS FRIDAY I AM INTERVIEW DANIEL CRAIG IN SUPPORT OF THE
MONTCLAIR FILM FESTIVAL, HOUR AND A HALF, YOU GET TO ASK
QUESTIONS. I'LL TALK TO HIM FOR AN HOUR,
HALF AN HOUR AUDIENCE QUESTIONS. IT'S GOING TO BE FANTASTIC.
YOU CAN GO GET THE TICKETS RIGHT NOW IF YOU'D LIKE TO SEE IT,
YOU'RE IN THE NEW YORK-NEW JERSEY AREA.
SCAN THE Q.R. CODE. PLEASE JOIN US.
IT'S GOING TO BE SEXY. ITHINK SO.
( APPLAUSE )
RIGHT OVER THERE SURVEYING THE FOREST OF NEWS, HEWING THE
MOST TOPICAL NORTHERN WHITE CEDAR STORIES BRACING THE DAY'S
JOKES OVER A STURDY BOATMAN'S FRAME, AND STREAMLINING THE
VESSEL'S THWARTS AND GUNWALES TO CREATE FOR YOU THE
WHITECAP-BREACHING SEAFARER'S CANOE THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I SPUTTER AWAKE IN THE
SWIRLING TIDEWATERS OF THE JERSEY SHORE, LASH SOME EMPTY
TWO-LITER BOTTLES OF MOUNTAIN DEW: CODE RED TO A DISCARDED
TUMBLE DRYER. THEN, GUIDED ONLY BY THE LIGHT
OF A DISTANT COMBINATION GAS STATION-CARL'S JR., I PILOT THE
CONDEMNED DOOM-FERRY OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:
>> MEANWHILE!
THE ONLY LIGHT I NEED TO GUIDE ME.
THIS IS THE ONLY LIGHT YOU NEED. MEANWHILE, IN A REAL ONE-TWO
PUNCH OF GOOD NEWS/BAD NEWS, THE McRIB IS BACK.
BUT McDONALD'S HINTS IT'S YOUR LAST CHANCE TO ENJOY IT.
WELL, LET'S BE REAL. ANYONE WHO EATS THE McRIB
KNOWS THAT ANY McRIB COULD BE THEIR LAST.
( APPLAUSE )
CONTINUING, "ORDER YOURS IN THE McDONALD'S APP FOR DELIVERY OR
PICKUP BEFORE YOU SAY GOOD-BYE ON 11/20/22.
ENJOY OUR FAMOUS PORK SANDWICH AS IF IT'S YOUR LAST!"
( LAUGHTER )
A LITTLE DARK THERE, McDONALD'S.
EXPLAINS YOUR RECENT SIGNAGE: "GET THE TWO FOR $5 DOLLAR MIX
AND MATCH TODAY, FOR WE ARE BORN ASTRIDE A GRAVE, THE LIGHT
GLEAMS AN INSTANT, THEN IT'S NIGHT ONCE MORE."
( LAUGHTER )
DURING THIS WEEKEND'S MASSIVE SEASON FINALE OF "DOCTOR WHO,"
THE DOCTOR, WHO HAD BEEN PLAYED BY JODIE WHITTAKER,
SURPRISED AND DELIGHTED FANS BY REGENERATING AS NONE OTHER THAN
FORMER DOCTOR WHO DAVID TENNANT!
IT WAS THE MOST STUNNING RETURN TO A TV ROLE SINCE ZOMBIE DICK
CLARK STRANGLED RYAN SEACREST TO RECLAIM "NEW YEAR'S ROCKIN'
EVE."
MEANWHILE, IN A SMALL TOWN IN WASHINGTON STATE, A WOMAN
ESCAPED A BEAR ATTACK BY PUNCHING IT IN THE FACE.
THAT IS SO BADASS AND EXPLAINS THE FORESTRY DEPARTMENT'S NEW
SIGNS: "IN CASE OF BEAR, CALL BRENDA TO
(BLEEP) SOME (BLEEP) UP."
HAD NO CHOICE WHEN SHE DIDN'T SEE THE BEAR COMING, AND WAS
KNOCKED TO THE GROUND AFTER BEING CHARGED BY THE ADULT
FEMALE BLACK BEAR AS SHE WAS LETTING HER DOG OUT.
REACHED FOR COMMENT, THE DOG SAID, "I WAS TOTALLY GONNA DO
SOMETHING. I WAS GONNA JUMP IN THERE, BUT,
LIKE, I LET HER TAKE THIS ONE. TOTALLY GOING AFTER THE NEXT
BEAR." MEANWHILE-- IS BENNY HERE?
IS BENNY HERE? MEANWHILE, APPLE'S HOTTEST NEW
ACCESSORY IS A $330 PHYSICAL LOCK THAT CAN UNLOCK A DOOR WITH
A SIMPLE TAP FROM AN iPHONE OR APPLE WATCH.
BUT, OF COURSE, NO HEADPHONE JACK.
( LAUGHTER )
BARILLA IS BEING SUED OVER NOT BEING MADE IN ITALY.
EVEN WORSE, THE NOODLES ARE VOICED BY CHRIS PRATT.
( LAUGHTER )
BRAND OF PASTA," EVEN THOUGH IT'S MADE IN IOWA AND NEW YORK.
THAT IS A CRUSHING REVELATION. NEXT, THEY'LL TELL ME ALL THOSE
PEOPLE AT OLIVE GARDEN AREN'T MY ACTUAL FAMILY.
I WAS HOPING I COULD CRASH THERE, YOU KNOW, JUST TILL I GET
IT TOGETHER. MEANWHILE--
( APPLAUSE )
ENGLAND, WHERE IN ORDER TO HELP SOLVE SEX CRIMES, A
SEMEN-SNIFFING DOG HAS BEEN BROUGHT IN BY CHESHIRE POLICE.
MAN, THIS ENGLISH ADAPTATION OF "PAW PATROL" IS GRITTY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK