Lasagna.
Also known as stacked pizza.
Also known as flat layered spaghetti and smashed meatballs.
Also known as pizza casserole.
Also known as savory Rice Krispies squares.
Also known as pasta brownies.
Also known as mmmmmMMMMMMM
YOU SUCK AT COOKING
YEAH YOU TOTALLY SUCKᵀᴹ
We're gonna start by browning a pound of ground beef on medium-high.
And we do this because brown is the color that has the most flavor.
I'm adding in a teaspoon of salt here.
I'm gonna turn the heat down a bit.
And then season the beef,
either in the traditional boring way with an onion,
or the cutting-edge modern way
with a tablespoon of chili powder, a tablespoon of cumin,
and two tablespoons of red wine vinegar.
Now if you do season it this way,
I recommend some hefty socks straps when you taste this later.
If the beef gets too dry, add in some water
so all those spices get soaked up like a meat sponge.
And resist the temptation to make tacos.
I'm gonna throw in three cups of basil tomato sauce,
and we'll let that simmer until it's a thickness level of three.
And feel free to participate in the Italian tradition called "lick the measuring cup".
(LICK)
"Mmm, that's a damn good measuring cup."
Now I'm gonna take a container of ricotta cheese,
and grate in a clove of garlic to give it some flavor.
Because ricotta cheese is just milk
that somebody did some things to to make it the way it is.
Because you're mixing white on white,
remember these simple steps to make sure it gets combined thoroughly.
1. Whisk the mixture vigorously
2. Always mix in the edges
3. Never Give Up
4. Get serious
5. Jostle the mixture to and fro
6. Always mix the middle
7. Never get lazy
8. Give it all you got
9. Leave no molecule uncombined
and 10.) Enthusiastically end with exuberance
Gonna add in around a cup and a half of shredded mozzarella.
Don't forget to repeat those steps.
We're gonna take an... eight inch-ish pan, I think.
And spread a thin layer of the sauce on the bottom
to keep the noodles from sticking.
We're using no-boil noodles,
which are noodles that have no boils on them.
Then you're gonna realize that the noodles don't fit,
so instead of panicking
you'll try to break one with your hands and that will suck.
So you use the edge of the pan instead which works well.
Or an exacto knife.
Or a saw.
Or a wood burning kit.
Or a power stone.
Whatever works man, just get it done.
Then we'll shovel some sauce on there.
Then we'll spread on a layer of thick garlic milk.
I like to use two spoons.
Flatten and place. Flatten and place.
I don't know if this technique is good or not,
but it does make me feel professional-ish and smug,
which is what cooking is all about.
Make sure you're putting the noodles in flat
and not this way.
Not this way.
And definitely not this way.
This isn't the time to be a maverick.
We've known for several years now that laying the noodles flat just works.
More sauce. More ricotta.
Noodles. Sauce. Ricotta.
I might have used too much ricotta on that first layer.
Or maybe you don't need ricotta on the top layer
since we're finishing it with mozzarella.
Just create as many layers as you feel like.
Don't listen to someone who says:
"if it's not at least three layers, it's not a real lasagna",
or, "if the lasagna isn't a minimum of three layers, I will..."
"..destroy you and everything you love and stand for so help me God, amen."
Then we'll create a sacred geometry toothpick beam support structure
to hold up the tin roof,
which we put in place to keep the moisture in
so the noodles cook properly,
and also to protect the lasagna from rain.
Ondo's on three fundo,
and we'll cook that for around 40 minutes or so.
Peace be with you.
While we're waiting,
let's try to build a house of cards out of the noodles,
which is tricky because they're pretty slippery,
but also they have ridges you can take advantage... of...
and then we'll try playing the world's shittiest game of Jenga.
Oh! So close!
Then we'll remove that foil,
up the temperature a bit,
and throw it in for another 10 minutes.
And also with you.
Ah man, this lasagna is busting at the scene with lasagna-ish goodness.
Then you want to let it rest for 20 minutes before cutting it,
so it doesn't turn into a bowl of slop.
Which is a great time to prepare our letters and numbers.
Then we'll cut it into a grid and lay out our organizational system,
so that anyone can easily select the piece they want without confusion.
Also you can play a game of lasagna battleship.
I'll have B-1.
(BOOM)
You sunk my apparently buoyant lasagna.
Also use this hack for anyone who thinks there aren't enough layers
and just stack two pieces.
Boom, thicc lasagna.
And now I'll stack one more piece so I can create the perfect clickbait thumbnail.
And I hope you can forgive me for this deception,
but know I did it to teach you not to believe everything you see on the internet,
or to punish you for thinking that a bigger lasagna is a better lasagna.
Maybe it's time to give short lasagna a chance.
Maybe it's time to realize you shouldn't judge a lasagna by its height.
Only by its girth.
Amen.
Hey speaking of lasagna, why don't we give this a try?
(MUNCH)
(THUD)
Mmm... damn that's a good lasagna.
And damn I got good taste in socks.
This video is sponsored by HelloFresh,
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Not like Game of Thrones conquering, more like, uh, "learning to cook better" conquering.
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like building a lasagna noodle spice rack.
It's a good way of getting out of making the same things over and over again,
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and that's why I like it, because I'm super lazy
and would rather just eat salami and cheese than shop.
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By the way, you can make any HelloFresh meal into lasagna
by adding a bunch of sauce, cheese and noodles, I'm pretty sure.
Okay, byeeeeeeeee.