Prepare for the 50th anniversary of the Bond franchise
with a new film by the director
whose most famous action scene to-date was this.
Skyfall: the overrated movie that thrilled audiences worldwide -
only because it was way better than Quantum of Solace.
Suit up with 007, the super secret MI-6 agent who everyone knows by his real name.
"Bond."
"Mr. Bond."
"James Bond."
In an opening so action-packed, you'll forget to ask yourself:
Why didn't the conductor stop this train when it's entire back carriage was ripped off?
And why aren't these people scared?
When Bond is abruptly killed, it'll only take the link of one Adele song
before he anticlimactically pops up in the most secluded corner of the globe
that conveniently has CNN in English.
"Within minutes of the explosion."
But when Bond returns to the high-stakes world of espionage, he's faced with:
word association,
"Bird."
"Sky."
office politics,
"The prime minister's ordered an inquiry. You'll have to appear."
art theory,
Judy Dench frowning
... a lot,
and absurdly long landscape shots.
Meet Raoul Silva, the Bond villian we've been waiting for
... because he doesn't show up until half way through the movie.
An antagonist with a plan so complex, he wants to get caught but makes it nearly impossible
to find him,
knows months ahead of time the exact place to plant explosives during a chase he didn't
even know was going to happen,
and makes Bond gay.
"Oh, Mr. Bond."
Discover the latest in super-secret gadgetry like
a gun,
a knife,
a shot gun,
an old-timey gun,
dynamite,
and a tracking device larger than the one Bond used in the 60's.
"Here's a nice little transmitting device. It's fitted into the heel of your shoe."
Bond will use these tools to hunt down a terrorist who stole a list of secret agents.
"The computer drive containing the identity of almost every NATO agent."
... which the writers stole from the plot of Mission Impossible.
A film with action so artsy, you'll strain to watch fight scenes shot in total darkness.
An ending so goofy, they just ripped it off from Home Alone.
[goofy music]
And a hero so sexually aggressive, you'll wonder:
isn't he sort of raping that former child prostitute?
[gunshot]
Jesus.
Starring
Jason Bourne
Fred from Scooby Doo
Lindsay Lohan
Random Bond Girl #732
Miss Moneypenny's black?
Gollum
Santa Claus
and Sexy Voldemort.
Skyfall.
Wait, whatever happened to that hard drive they were looking for?
Wasn't that the whole point of the movie?
No?
Ok.
Make sure to subscribe for more Honest Trailers,
and check out last week's episode where we get some witches b*tchin' about the new action
film "Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters."
Your feet smell like popcorn.
I sunk your battle ship, b*tch.
Ka-Me-Ha-Me-Haaa!
Your belly button taste like broccoli... yummy.