this is stuff you like extra I went to see Wonder Woman on Saturday and boy oh
boy that was definitely a movie in which Wonder Woman featured heavily I liked it
quite a lot this video though is only somewhat about Wonder Woman mostly it's
about armor because I've been wanting to talk about armor in fiction for a while
and this seems like an opportune time a while ago I was browsing the steam store
as you do and came upon this beauty. I'm informed that most people in the game
including most of the other women wear more clothes than this but it brought me
great and hilarious joy because this outfit is stupid on a fantastical level to
people who are already rushing to the comment section to tell me that this
lady's armor is purposefully boob tastic because the free market is god and
there's always going to be demand for scantily clad women in video games chill
because it is indeed the case that as long as there is a market for boob
windows boob windows there will probably be but suspension of disbelief means
that when you create a world you want the rules in it to be consistent in
other words you want people to say oh cool not YEAH RIGHT. if you're in the
Star Wars universe you can have Jedi you have nether swords and magic powers. you
cannot however launch yourself into space without a suit using the power of
hugs. even in magical fictional worlds generally the rule of common sense still
apply so let me explain my problem with this outfit because it's not that she's
half naked per se it's not even that she has a giant boob window which extends
down to her sternum which is basically like having a target that says shoot and/or
stab me here I mean if you're engaging in combat then yeah that would
be the dumbest thing ever but I assume she's a squishy ranged class and so she
could basically go into battle with no clothes on at all and that wouldn't
really matter much. no no no the problem is that her clothing is meant to be
armor and it's failing so badly at it that it's really distracting. look I
admit I'm not going to love it if you send your necromancer into battle
wearing lingerie but at least it would be light and easy to move in and it's
not unheard of for people to fight with no clothes on but the advantage of
clothing and I mean actual clothing not underwear is that it does provide some
measure of protection not against edged weapons or arrows obviously but against
things like the elements rolling crawling tripping on sharp rocks you
could put your lady necromancer in any kind of clothes that you like
and while I may think well that looks stupid it's not going to ping my
suspension of disbelief by the bra strap the way this does. but armor is not
equivalent to clothing. armor in the real world tends to be a fine balancing act
between ease of movement degree of protection availability of materials
about a bajillion other things and one of those other things is how awesome it
looks so sometimes practicality does take a by ball. for example as far as I
know boob plate which we'll get to in a minute never existed historically but
this totally a real thing gotta love those 16th century Cod pieces generally
speaking with Armour the more protected you are the more heavy and/or cumbersome
your armor is lighter armor tends to afford less protection but does allow
more freedom of movement if you're wearing armor though it should be
capable of doing its job if your heavy metal armor protects your shoulders but
fails to protect your torso area you know the bit which contains your heart
lungs stomach liver kidneys it is worse than useless
you would have been better off going into battle in a bikini because at least
then you would have a lot of freedom of movement though as I mentioned it was
silly kind of stupid to go into battle in a bikini because clothes are good for
protecting you from things which aren't weapons and so you're wondering what
this has to do with Wonder Woman it's like this I really do not envy
Lindy Hemming the costume designer for Wonder Woman because she had a really
difficult job in which she had to balance many contradictory things I mean
first of all Wonder Woman's outfit is iconic in the comics maybe you can get
away with having different iterations which provide more coverage but if you
ask the average person on the street what do you think of when you hear
Wonder Woman they're going to say Lynda Carter 1970s leotard and hot pants and
so Lindy Hemming's first order of business had to be to create a costume which
evokes this but fits in with the setting which is no mean feat and then she has
to create armor for the Amazons which is at least visually harmonious with that
outfit and that's the really tricky part I mean Wonder Woman is functionally
invincible anyway and so it doesn't matter that she's baring her neck and
her shoulders and her thighs it also doesn't matter that her gilded leather
bustier armor is kind of got a boob plate thing going on but it would matter
to the Amazons I gotta say I'm not a big fan of boob plate which in this
case is armor shaped like two separate breasts I mean boob plate doesn't
technically have to be made of metal plate but it's a terrible idea
regardless molding metal or leather as it is in most cases around your
individual breasts would: one be hella uncomfortable two: guide swords directly
to your sternum which is exactly where you don't want them to go. Breastplates
are generally flat or very slightly convex so that sword blows or arrows or
whatever glance off to the side putting a big divot down the middle does
basically the opposite of that oh and three: if your breastplate is made of
metal then if you fall face-first onto the battlefield you may well crack a
couple of ribs or worse on those points yeah great plan now the ancient Greeks
had a whole lot of different kinds of soldiers and warriors and they were a
very wide range of outfits so I'm generally really kind of dying with the
armors and sort of molded leather corset thing look I actually think it looks
kind of awesome the look that they went for for the Amazon seems to be a lightly
modified female version of Greek hoplite armor
it is perhaps quite minimal but given that some Greek dudes thought in
basically a helmet and Greaves and sandals and like I don't know a leather
skirt or something if perhaps doesn't seem quite so ridiculous that the
Amazons sometimes lack shoulder and neck protection and since there are some
historical examples of hoplite armor which had pec plate I suppose we can't
be too nitpicky but it seems like it would be trickier and more uncomfortable
to create boob plate for the Amazons when something just slightly different
would have work just as well the thing is some of the Amazons do have
functional looking breast plates so it makes me wonder why the others had to
have these madonna's cone bra things have a look at this model I found on arm
Street same basic ideas the Amazons leather corset things obviously shaped
for a woman with boobs and a waist but it doesn't have that unfortunate Valley
in the middle into which all swords will be guided I know
movie armor doesn't have to be practical and if your stone performers can move
and fight in it then it's all good but I feel like if everyone had gone the
neither lifted nor separated route it would have made me wonder less about
their armor because seriously if you're going to be surrounded by enemies trying
to kill you ladies don't let your armor be one of them
that's all for this episode next time we are talking about Mary Magdalene as a
precursor to our Jesus Christ Superstar episode if you'd like a longer