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Do you think you might be struggling with self-love?
Oftentimes it can be much easier to look outward
and focus on what's happening externally around you,
rather than look inward and try to work on yourself.
But without self-love, you might unconsciously
get into toxic relationships, toxic habits,
and might even develop depression.
The first step to change this is self-awareness.
So here are five indicators that you're struggling
to love yourself.
Number 1, you feel bad when you take time out for yourself.
Do you feel guilty when you take time out for yourself?
Do you feel like you could be doing
other more productive things
or that you should be helping others during your downtime?
When you feel like this,
you might have a low sense of self-worth.
And you think that it's wrong or selfish
to put yourself first.
Practicing proper self-care means taking time out
for yourself too.
When you sit down and relax with a good book
or take a small nap, it releases hormones in the brain
like endorphins to help calm you and put you at ease.
Having downtime also allows you the chance
to center yourself and internally process
your day-to-day happenings.
A little self-care can go a long way.
Number 2, you keep falling for toxic people.
When you think about your current or past relationships,
is there an emerging pattern where they all toxic or
manipulative in some way, shape or form?
Did they, or do they mistreat, belittle or insult you?
First and foremost, no one has the right
to treat you this way.
When you have low self-esteem,
this can be a sign that you're lacking in self-love
and can also be one of the reasons
you keep falling for toxic partners.
If you struggle to respect yourself,
it's hard to find other people that will respect you too.
You might struggle with poor self-esteem issues
because of past relationship experiences
or because of traumatic childhood experiences.
Feeling good about yourself is important,
loving yourself even more so.
Number 3, you apologize for things
even when you don't need to.
Do you find that you impulsively say sorry, a lot?
Do other people tell you to just stop apologizing?
If this sounds like you, you're probably saying sorry,
even when you don't need to.
The root of this impulse can be a lack of self-love.
You may say sorry when you haven't even done anything wrong,
or when you're trying to take responsibility
for someone else's mistake, or for a problem
that you didn't cause or had any control over.
Over-apologizing can come from fearing conflict,
or when you're more focused on other people's needs
over your own.
According to Sharon Martin, a licensed psychotherapist,
over-apologizing can also stem
from your own sense of perfectionism.
When you hold yourself to impossibly high standards,
you constantly feel inadequate
and feel the need to apologize for every tiny thing
that you do imperfectly.
When you lack self-love,
you lack the grace to cover yourself.
Number 4, you beat yourself up over your past failures
and mistakes.
Do you dwell on your past mistakes?
Are you fraught with self doubt and needlessly
kick yourself when you think of any of your past failures?
There are some deeply rooted reasons
why your mind can't seem to quiet your inner self critic.
According to Dr. Kristin Neff's book,
"Self-compassion, The Proven Power
Of Being Kind To Yourself",
the self critic in your mind perceives that past mistakes
are equal to a real life danger,
making you think that you're at risk
of not being loved or accepted.
Your self-critic falsely informs you that the best way
to motivate you is to beat yourself up for a mistake.
Dr. Neff goes on to explain that while listening
to this relentless self-criticism may see motivating
in the short-term, it could actually be de-motivating
in the long-term.
Self-compassion is a stronger tool,
allowing you to acknowledge a mistake and move forward
rather than ruminating on it.
Self-compassion and self-love go hand in hand.
And number 5, you second guess yourself
and struggle to trust your own intuition.
If you're stuck in the mental loop
of reliving your past mistakes,
this can also make it harder to trust in yourself.
Do you question whether you're good enough
or assume unnecessary blame?
Do you retreat from the idea of a more connected
and active lifestyle?
Stress management coach, Celestine Fedley
details self-trust as a step towards self-love.
She suggests getting to the bottom of what your fears are
by asking yourself what you're really scared of
and taking time to silence your mind.
So you can lean into what your true feelings
and desires are.
Do you think you are struggling with self-love?
How do you foster self-love in your life?
Let us know in the comments below.
If you have a friend or someone you care about
who seems to lack self-love,
consider sharing this video with them.
The studies and references used
are listed in the description below.
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Thanks so much for watching and we'll see you soon.