Today we determine, once and for all, what is the best store-bought pasta sauce.
Let's talk about that.
♪(intro music)♪
Good Mythical Morning.
One of the greatest things that nature has ever given us,
- is pasta. - Hm.
But what's pasta without the sauce?
It's just the roots of the pasta tree.
The perfect carb.
I'm trying to act like I think that pasta grows on trees,
or is at least connected to a plant and it's the roots.
Go with that.
I do understand, though, that it's not from nature.
You have to take things from nature and make it into pasta, and I love it.
Who doesn't love pasta?
You low carb people don't like it. What's wrong with you?
You're missing out.
But the best way to enjoy pasta, is with a little sauce on it,
- (simulates drinking sound) - but how do you make a choice?
How do you know what the best sauce is?
Well, you watch this, and you figure us--
- Figure it out as we figure it out. - Figure us out.
- Figure us out. Please do that. - That's gonna be a challenge.
- (crew laughs) - It's time for,
♪(sports cast music)♪ (Link) Which pasta sauce in a jar
(Link) will come out as the pasta sauce star?
So we're gonna be tasting a wide variety of sauces
that you can get off of the shelf. >From the bottom shelf to the top shelf.
>From very expensive and gourmet, to very affordable, if not cheap.
- If not! - But we're not gonna know
what we're tasting. It's gonna be blind.
But we're not gonna have to be blinded, because they're just putting it in jars.
- Right. - And we taste it, and just based
on our mouth experiences, we're gonna rank these
in a tournament bracket style, to determine the champion
of sauce off of the shelf.
All we know is, kind of the word bank of sauces that we're gonna be tasting,
- which includes, Ragu, - Prego
- Bertolli, - Newman's Own,
- Emeril's, - Rao's,
- Mario Batali, - and Dave's gourmet.
It better be gourmet, if it's got gourmet in the title.
Let's get to it.
♪(sports cast music)♪
Okay, here's the first two sauces. We're gonna be drinking them, essentially,
tasting them with the patent pending sauce straw, the sau-straw.
(Link) Looks like some sort of artificial heart mechanism.
So, we gotta-- We gotta both create some sort of vacuum.
Now I'm just going based on taste. I mean, I can tell that there's
a slight consistency difference in these, but I'm just going on taste.
Which one's the best?
Well the tu-- The air in the tube tastes nasty.
- Oh gosh! - (crew laughs)
Whenever I used to make out with that CPR mannequin,
- (Link) that's what it tasted like. - (crew laughs)
The one at your mom's work?
My mom trained to be an EMT, and you had to do mouth-to-mouth.
And you made out with it?
Well, I did CPR on it when no one was looking.
- (crew laughs) - You did French CPR.
(In French) Oui, oui.
Nothing to compare it to, but that's--
- It's got tomato chunks in it. - It's sweet, it's chunky.
Now, I think you gotta blow back some.
Yeah, gotta blow it back.
Okay, that doesn't work.
Alright, so just let it-- Let it sit like that.
Take your sau-straw.
Okay.
It tastes like Annie. Her name was Annie.
(crew laughs)
Oh, this one is, uh-- This one's much more, um,
Smoothy-ized. It's blended. It's not as chunky.
- (Link) It doesn't taste much different. - (Rhett) Hm hmm.
It's not as good.
It has a lot more flavor to it, though, but the flavor isn't good.
It has more flavor, but it's not good flavor.
Woah, woah, woah! Taste that one again.
This one's better. This is a lot better.
(crew laughs)
Oh yeah.
This one's a ton better.
Yeah, I told you, man. That one tastes like--
- I don't know who this guy is, - That's like some old--
- but he's a loser. - That's like something
that's been left out for a while.
- This, right here, is the winner. - Round one wins.
Slough this off.
♪(sports cast music)♪
Okay, so, another bracket. Two new sauces.
These look a lot different. Let's go with mine first on this one.
Gosh, Annie. Where have you been hanging out, Annie?
They called her Annie. You know how, in that Smooth Criminal,
he was like, ♪Annie are you okay? Annie are you okay?♪
That's what you'd say before you did CPR.
Oh, so, that's got cheese in it.
- Oh it does. - That's got cheese in it, man.
- I got something chewy. - I don't know if it's just
the redneck in me that likes something when you put cheese flavor in it.
Would you like Parmesan with that? Yes.
I think putting cheese in it makes it cheap.
It's an easy way to make it awesome.
But I like it.
Y'all need to prime these things.
Hold on.
This tastes like soup.
This tastes like vegetable soup, man.
There's like butter beans floating in there.
Oh, tastes like somebody dumped like a teaspoon of mud into it.
I think it's clear that we don't like this one, huh?
- Look, look, look! - (crew laughs)
I'm being attacked.
Oh! Alright, leave this one for Annie.
That's not good. This one wins this round.
Out.
♪(sports cast music)♪
I'm realizing now, I need to slow my roll
- on drinking so much sauce. - Yeah.
'Cause it's, like, I've been drinking a lot.
- That tastes like pizza sauce. - It's like Pomodoro sauce.
You even know what that is?
It's lighter. It's more acidic.
That's not bad.
- It's got, like a seafood-y undertone. - It's not bad.
Seafoodies?
Oh, this is thin. Look at that.
This is cheap, man. This is cheap.
- You can look at it. - Yup.
This is some Ragu crap.
Oh! Oh gosh!
Hey, you don't-- You're just assuming that.
Ragu may be the best, man.
I think this is Ragu, and I think it's bad.
I could be wrong on both. Ragu, prove me wrong.
If you're Ragu, speak up.
This tastes like the inside of like a--
Ravioli.
Like a Play-Doh machine. You know what I'm saying?
- Oh yeah. - Like, not from the tube.
Not from Annie, but just like the pasta sauce
has its own manufactured thing.
It tastes like the facility that it was made on.
That one's definitely better.
♪(sports cast music)♪
- Alright. - I'm getting a--
It's all the Annie air that I've taken in.
You know, it's really the putrid air. Feel like it's--
What-- What are--
I'm just priming it for you, since you were talking.
(crew laughs)
I'll drink your urine, but I'm not drinking after you.
I feel like I've already tasted this one, but I know I haven't.
(Link) This one tastes exactly like another one
that was okay, but I think lost.
This one also tastes like just vegetable soup.
That's quality.
- You think this is quality? - I think it's quality.
- (Link) (high pitched) Hmmm.
That's good.
Very mild.
(Link) I like this one. I think this is Newman.
- Newman's making his appearance. - But look how fine it is.
- It seems cheap. - Yeah, it seems cheap,
but it tastes amazing.
Let's get back.
This is bad now.
- Yeah, that's bad. This is great. - It's got bad.
'Cause this is not sweet, this has got some sweetness
that makes you just want to go back for more.
But I think that we may be picking the best redneck sauce.
- I think that's what's happening. - Well, we might be the best rednecks.
(laughs) Hey!
♪(sports cast music)♪
Okay, now we're moving onto the semi-finals.
We have tasted these. Both of these were winners
in the first round.
Oh, you know what? Annie's gone.
- She's totally gone. - Annie left the building.
It's just sauce in there.
- Cheese. - It's the cheesy.
-(laughs) -Cheesy man's back.
This must be Ragu, right? Chef Boyardee?
He doesn't have a pasta sauce, man.
Chef Boyardee up in this piece.
That's like a canned ravioli.
You know what?
It's beginning to taste cheap to me, though.
- Not a lot of dollars in that one. - Yeah.
Really working our suction muscles.
This is a quality sauce, man.
This is imported.
This was not made in America.
- Is that from Italy? - This was made in Italy.
I can tell. It's like I can taste culture,
and art,
and tomatoes.
This one, right here, was made in Wisconsin.
- Yeah. - (crew laughs)
- It tastes like Indianapolis. - They put cheese in everything there.
And I will say, it's really good, but I feel like I'm--
- It's too cheesy. - I'm rewarding a bad part of myself
- when I like that, you know? - (Link) Hm mm.
- Yeah, let's send this one to the finals. - Definitely.
♪(sports cast music)♪
I feel like I'm eating a lot of pasta sauce,
but I feel like it's the exact same amount that I would eat,
if I ate two big plates of spaghetti.
- But without the spaghetti. - Without spaghetti.
Maybe we're onto something.
Oh, Annie's back.
She is. I think it's-- This is so cheap, it can't get rid of Annie.
This one can't blow Annie out of the tube.
- That is a mild, sweet-- - Cheap.
Splendid.
I'm loving it. This is the one I think I loved before.
You did like it, but I'm beginning to realize
that there's a bunch of added sugar, which is a sign--
Again, you want to give it to the redneck sauce?
Or you want to give it to the one that's the best for the people?
Alright, I hear you. It is very sweet.
- Probably too sweet. - There's added sugar, man.
Added sugar. That's diabetes sauce right there.
That's weak!
(Link) Eugh! Dang!
This is not good, man.
- It got bad. - Theory on this one...
- It's been left out. - (Rhett and crew laugh)
How did this one get so bad?
No, no, no. Theory on this one:
- This is a high-end sauce. - Too high.
They went-- They jumped right over.
They missed.
Listen, Dave's Gourmet, whoever you are,
you're like Icarus. You flew too close to the pasta sun,
- Yup. - and you got burned.
And I know you're charging extra for this.
I know this is expensive, I can taste the expensiveness
- in the flavors. - Too hard. Trying too hard.
But, you missed. And, you know what?
I bet it was imported from overseas, but something happened on the ship.
- Yeah, and we're sending it back. - Yup.
♪(sports cast music)♪
Alright, Mythical Beasts.
It all comes down to this. The championship round.
- This versus this. - (silly voice) This versus this.
Prego versus Newman's Own. I don't know.
Now we're introducing a new contraption.
This is the sauce straw duo, otherwise know as
the Lady and the Tramp edition.
I've been told that it requires sucking very hard.
We gotta get a lot of vacuum power here.
Here we go. Go.
(crew laughs)
Hold on, we're fighting with each other.
Yeah. Come on.
(strained sounds)
How'd you do that?
I'm gonna have to work on this.
You want me to send it-- Send it to me.
Send it to me.
(Rhett and crew laugh)
(clears throat)
- That's how-- - I didn't say send it first class.
Next day air! Dang! (laughs)
That's how it works, man.
Teamwork! You both suck to get it to this point,
and then you start blowing.
So suck again, and get it filled up again.
(Link and crew laugh)
- You just got air. - That was--
- You gotta get sauce loaded, man. - You load it with sauce.
- I just got Link air in my mouth. - Like, load it. Load your side.
Both load. Both load. Get it into this tube.
(Link) Okay.
- I got some more right now. - Okay, blow.
(Link and crew laugh)
This has really changed the experience for me.
I'm not enjoying it as much as I was.
- No. - We're going to have
to include instructions with the Lady and the Tramp edition.
But you remember that, that's pretty sweet.
Now, I mean, you can just plug your end.
What's the fun in that, though?
(Rhett) Hold on, now that it's there, let me blow it in your mouth.
(all laugh)
- You blew it all back in there. - What is it--
I think it got-- Something got stuck.
Suck on it.
(Link) (repeats) Hm mm, hm mm.
(Rhett makes affirmative sound)
(crew laughs)
That's the best sauce, man.
- That's the best sauce. - That is the best sauce.
This is too sweet, and we know we're going
- redneck cheap with this one. - (Rhett) Yup.
This is it. This is the best pasta sauce--
- This is the best sauce on the planet. - That you can buy,
out of the eight that we tried.
I'm pretty light-headed right now, but I think we made a good decision.
(both) Bring it in. Let's see what it was.
♪(sports cast music)♪
- (laughs) - Prego beat Emeril's!
Are you kidding me?
Is Prego the one I threw under the bus?
- No, you threw Ragu. - (Link) Okay, good.
'Cause Prego's the best sauce there is.
Emeril's been throwing some weird stuff into his, man.
Emeril, man, he's not bad.
Congratulations, big Em, you got second place,
but Mr. Prego, you have done it once again.
Not a sponsor. I know what you want to think.
You want to think that Prego sponsored this,
they did not. We just sucked them right through a tube,
and decided they were the best.
That's how it works sometimes.
Good work, for both of these guys.
Thanks for liking, commenting, and subscribing.
You know what time it is.
- Hello, I'm Lorenzo. - And I'm Morso.
- And we're from Italy. - And it's time to spin
(both) the Wheel of Mythicality.
Remember, we just launched the Mythical Pomade.
This is what we put in our hair every single day.
Available at Amazon and BeardAndLady.com.
Links in the description. Also, watch Good Mythical Crew
this week, tomorrow morning, where you can see Lizzie
make a very special pasta sauce for us.
Click through to Good Mythical More. We are going to sample said sauce
that we have not been told what it is, so I'm a little nervous.
Woah!
- ♪(ringing and fanfare music)♪ - Hey!
Congratulations to...
(Rhett) Tabatha, A.K.A. swayaandglow on Twitter.
(Link) You win a 'Will It?' poster!
- Will it be a poster? - Yes.
It will. For you.
[Captioned by Jack GMM Captioning Team]