- I'm going to tell you something
that changed my life as a therapist,
and that I teach all my clients,
and it may sound too good to be true, but it is.
The way you feel about everything, everything, everything
is down to only two things,
the pictures you make in your head
and the words you say to yourself.
And if you just take that in; is that really true?
The way I feel about everything
is because of the pictures I put in my head
and the words I say to myself, then what does that mean?
Well, it means, hey,
you can change the pictures in your head,
and you can change where there's going to be a nuclear war.
This is terrible.
Well, maybe there won't be a nuclear war.
Maybe this will end.
Maybe something good will come out of this.
This isn't ever to diminish what's happening in the Ukraine
and how appalling that is,
but when you have a brilliant mind, you have a choice.
You always have a choice.
Rationalize why you feel so bad or talk yourself out of it.
What's the point of reading the papers
and saying, "Oh my God, what's happening next?"
The world as I know it is falling apart.
Don't do that.
Don't rationalize why you feel so bad.
Talk yourself out of it.
Change the pictures in your head.
The way you feel is down to the pictures
and words you are making,
and we could all take a minute right now
and just think about how do we talk?
Do we go, "Oh, my God, this is a nightmare.
This is a disaster, this is hell.
This is torture, this is killing me."
What are you talking about?
I'm actually talking about my commute to work.
I'm talking about the line in the store to buy my groceries.
I'm talking about the line in the bank.
That's not hell.
That's not torture.
That's not a nightmare.
It's just a challenge.
It's a situation,
and so I'm going to teach you just for a couple of minutes
some therapeutic tools that could change your life.
So let's all take a breath
and think about what is a certainty to you?
What does it even mean?
What does it look like?
And I can shortcut that for you.
It looks like everything's going to be okay.
You know, I had a situation last year
when not only was I locked out of America,
but my entire house was flooded.
My lovely American home was flooded from top to bottom.
It kind of fell apart.
I was trapped in the UK.
I couldn't get into America because I'm British.
When I finally got in, I went to see my house,
it was like, "Oh, okay."
And then of course, I had the lovely story,
we all have of contractors
who over promise and under deliver,
and every time I walked to my house,
I'd sing this little song by Bob Marley,
"Don't worry about a thing
Because every little thing is going to be okay."
Was I being foolish?
Maybe, but I had a choice.
I could go, "Oh, my God, this is hell.
This builder is driving me crazy.
This is killing me."
I could sing a Bob Marley's song,
"Don't worry about a thing,"
and then there's a song by East 17, that I love.
It goes, "All right, all right,
everything's going to be all right."
So I was always changing my state
by changing the pictures in my head, changing the words,
talking myself out of it, not into it,
and I promise you, it was extraordinary.
My husband said to me one day,
"You know, I marvel at your coping skills."
I'm like, "Well, you don't need to marvel at them.
I've got a choice.
I can go, "Oh, this is just awful."
I can go, "Well, it's just a situation.
In another year, I'll have my lovely house back.
I'm kind of enjoying the rental.
I don't need all this stuff anyway."
So if you could learn to do that,
I promise you it would change your life.
So right now, I want you to think of a song
that would change your state.
What kind of song could you sing?
Let me give you some clues.
I'm having the time of my life.
It's a new day.
It's a new dawn, and I'm feeling good.
You might think a song.
Why are you telling me about a song, well, you know what?
Every politician walks into the arena
with a song, "A change is going to come."
That was Barack Obama's song.
"Things can only get better," was Tony Blair's song.
Boxers walk into the arena to a song.
Olympic athletes walk into one too
So why do you think they do that?
Because it changes their state.
When you're saying, "Oh, my God, I can't cope with this."
Oh, my gosh," you can't cope.
You're having a breakdown,
but when you sing, your mind goes,
"Oh, you're singing a song.
Well, I guess you can cope."
That's why when Marines are running
through snow and rain and sheep shit, they sing.
"I'm a marine, and I don't care," because the mind goes,
"Oh, you're running through the rain.
It's freezing cold.
You've got mud up to your knees, but you're singing.
I guess you love this stuff,"
but when you say, "Oh, my knees hurt.
My legs hurt.
I hate this rain.
I hate the mud," your mind goes, "You know what?
Turn around and go home.
You don't even like this.
Let me give you a sprain or a fracture or a pain."
So in a perma crisis,
it's the simple things that make us feel better.
Wake up and sing a different song.
Have a song on your alarm.
"I'm having a good time.
I've got this.
It's a new day.
It's a new dawn."
Do you know you get to change twice every single day?
In fact, you get to change twice every single minute.
The first change is the change in how you talk to yourself,
and when you change how you talk to yourself,
the second change is how you feel.
Here's how it works.
Thoughts. control feelings.
Feelings control actions and behavior.
So if you imagine a ladder, can I make this a ladder?
I kind of make that a ladder.
That's a thought and a thought always comes first,
and then the thought dictates the feeling
which comes second, and then the feeling
dictates the action and the behavior.
We're all busy trying to change our behaviors.
"I've got to lose weight."
"I've got to work out."
"I've got to work hard."
"I've got to get myself together."
"I've got to get a better memory."
"I've got to work out my business,"
and you don't need to change your behavior.
You need to change your thoughts.
Thoughts come in front,
but then you will say, "Don't feelings come first?"
No, they really don't apart from two feelings or fears,
the fear of falling backwards and the fear of loud noises.
Thoughts come even in front of feelings.
You have to think a thought to feel a feeling.
You have to think a thought,
"I'm terrified of dogs," to feel terrified of dogs.
So we are working so hard trying to change our behaviors,
trying to change our actions,
trying to get ourselves together, to be smarter,
fitter, healthier, better,
and yet the only thing we have to change is our thoughts,
and it sounds too good to be true, but it is true.
When you change your thoughts,
it changes your entire life.
Check out my next video here.
Your thoughts control your feelings.
Your feelings control your actions,
and your actions control your rent
or you could say your thoughts dictate your feelings.
You take away the source of the pain and the pain-