- Sometimes I post these online.
I'm like, "This is gonna be fun."
This, I would be murdered. (audience laughing)
I would like everyone here to think of a word
or a topic or a phrase that you'd like a rap about.
But there's some- - [Audience Member] Mexicans.
- Wait, wait, wait.
Did you just shout Mexicans?
(audience laughing)
I should ask, are you a Mexican?
- [Audience Member] Yeah, I'm Mexican.
- Can you confirm?
Okay, cool, because again,
I'm not cultured enough to know whether...
You could be a Colombian pretending.
(audience laughing) I don't know.
I know nothing about this continent.
- [Audience Member] I have an ID to prove it.
- You have an ID to prove it.
All right. I mean- - [Audience Member] Yeah.
- You can be in this country. I don't care.
I'm not gonna be like,
(audience laughing)
"Hmm, this doesn't look legal."
(audience laughing)
"This looks like it's been dragged
through a river on the border."
(audience laughing)
I'm an immigrant as well.
Isn't it funny when I say that like that?
That like, "I'm an immigrant."
(audience laughing)
Okay, you didn't even wait,
'cause there's rules usually.
I'm like, "Hey, don't suggest food or animals
'cause they're easy to rap about.
Don't suggest anything obvious
or boring 'cause it's tedious, be create..."
And you were just like, "Nah, man. Mexicans."
Just like... (audience laughing)
The one thing I know about Mexico is your flag,
'cause the flag of my country is terrible
'cause it's the Union Jack.
It's just like blue and red and white.
The American flag's pretty fucking cool
'cause it's stars and stripes stuff.
And then the Mexican flag is the green, white and red.
And then it's a cactus with an eagle eating a snake,
which is the most fucking metal flag ever.
(audience laughing)
It's also terrifying.
And that's why we should build a wall.
That's why, 'cause they are heathens.
(audience laughing)
You look at that flag.
That's not a...
That's not the Canadian flag.
They got a leaf, a little leaf.
That's what they are.
Fucking pussies, Mexican.
This pussies flag.
(audience laughing)
They're like, "See, we're coming in to eat your snakes."
Okay, so one of the topics is Mexicans.
And look, if I...
'Cause I can't control...
Why are you showing me? 'Cause this is Mexican beer?
As a Mexican, you surely cannot take pride in Corona beer.
This is... (audience laughing)
- [Audience Member] Oh no.
- Brewed in and bottled by Cerveceria Modelo, Mexico.
That's (speaking Spanish)
Does that mean no better beer? What does that mean?
- [Audience Member] The best beer.
- The best beer?
- [Audience Member] Yeah. - That's lying, isn't it?
Lying people.
(audience laughing)
As far as I'm aware, my country never invaded Mexico.
So this is acceptable for me to say. Good.
Okay.
(audience laughing)
That's topic number one.
Let's speed this up a bit and-
- [Audience Member] Colonization.
- Yeah, don't fucking start over there.
(audience laughing)
Are you?
That was an Australian accent, wasn't it?
- [Audience Member] New Zealand.
- You're from New Zealand, okay.
- [Audience Member] It's acceptable.
- It's...
(audience laughing)
While it may be acceptable, let me just say,
the New Zealand accent,
especially saying the word acceptable
is so funny because they can't say their Es.
They say their Es is Is.
So could you say, I slipped on the floor.
- [Audience Member] I slipped on the floor.
(audience laughing)
- It's fucking weird.
(audience laughing)
Okay, tell you what?
You were coming up with coloniza...
I'm just gonna wrap out New Zealand.
And coloni...
Whatever, Mexicans.
No more nationalities. If anyone shouts out Haitian.
(audience shouting indistinctly)
Okay, wait.
So, okay, what are you saying?
- [Audience Members] South Africa.
- South Africa. What is this?
Why is this happening?
Chris Rap about countries.
Okay, so do you wanna throw in any more?
We've got New Zealand.
Did you just? What did you say?
- India. (laughing)
- You're not Indian.
(audience laughing)
- We are.
- You are? Fucking hell.
We can't do this.
Right. South Africa, New Zealand, Mexico and India.
Does anyone wanna say a country
that I can punch up at or something?
Yeah, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Chris.
- [Audience Member] There's not many.
- There is not many.
No. You shut the fuck up now.
(audience laughing)
There's other...
This is other people's tasks.
You are stealing their jobs, that's what's happening.
(audience laughing)
Some of you genuinely like that.
(audience applauding and laughing)
You know, sometimes I post these online,
I'm like, "This is gonna be fun."
This, I would be murdered.
(audience laughing)
Except in England, they would make me a knight for this.
(audience laughing)
They were like, "He's going over there."
Okay.
So what were you shouting in the back?
- [Audience Members] UK. - [Audience Members] Canada.
- Did you say Canada?
(indistinct chatter)
I'll take that. Okay.
- [Audience Member] Congo.
- No, I want a white country.
(audience laughing)
Sorry, South Africa, right.
(audience laughing)
I do not condone anything
that is about to come out my mouth.
If you don't like it, blame him for starting this.
(audience laughing)
Band.
I mean, you make the music.
If you...
You do whatever you want and I'll make the rap,
and it will be fucking hell. (upbeat hip-hop music)
You're putting steel pan in there, Red.
just to make, yeah.
Rap out the West Indies as well, Chris, while you're at it.
Okay, we've got New Zealand, we've got Canada, Mexico,
India, and they're here and South Africa.
And this is all your fault, this is all your fault.
(audience cheering)
So upset.
Okay.
Genuinely,
I want to put the microphone back in there and fuck off.
I wanna blue ball the shit outta this gig but let's do it.
Nice. (audience cheering)
♪ Starting off, freestyle like let's go ♪
♪ South the border, one chap saying Mexico ♪
♪ Start it off sir, you're out of order ♪
♪ He was like Chris rap about the wall and the border ♪
♪ People coming through, smuggling in truck ♪
♪ You know these coyotes, they're getting it up ♪
♪ The cash, I mean exploiting, taking all the cash ♪
♪ Extortion I'm so glad that you asked ♪
♪ Say some stereotypes ♪
♪ What? They're lazy ♪
♪ Nah, that's weird, man ♪
♪ It's fucking crazy 'cause lately ♪
♪ I see Mexicans leaning on the wall ♪
♪ In my neighborhood outside of the U-Haul ♪
♪ You can hire them, they'll do the job for less ♪
♪ Give them 20 bucks they're like si sir, yes. ♪
♪ I only know the one language and I go there ♪
♪ He's like Chris rhyme about Corona ♪
♪ Okay, respect ya ♪
♪ (rapping in Spanish) it's extra ♪
♪ Made by Modelo, ♪
♪ You know they be owning the market over here ♪
♪ Ah, let's fucking start it ♪
♪ Get into ya, ♪
♪ Lady who was shouting India ♪
♪ Apologies, yeah ♪
♪ Your economy got thinner when we arrived ♪
♪ Used to be top of the charts ♪
♪ Used to be so incredible ♪
♪ Oh my God ♪
♪ But then the British people, ♪
♪ they came and they plundered ♪
♪ It was horrible what they did, the scum there ♪
♪ They're like, oh yes, we'll cut through like butter ♪
♪ Let's do things over here in Kolkata ♪
♪ And Bombay not the name anymore ♪
♪ Now it's Mumbai anyway ♪
♪ On the Delhi shore, I'd be pretty sure ♪
♪ You'd be coming back soon ♪
♪ You'll drop a bomb on Britain, it will go boom ♪
♪ And that will be thoroughly deserved for what we did ♪
♪ But still trains, cricket, entertaining kids ♪
♪ Is that okay if we do that, I'll rap for you ♪
♪ Chris, tackle South Africa ♪
♪ All right ♪
♪ Fucking hell, I cried ♪
♪ Let's talk about apartheid ♪
♪ They separated the blacks from the whites ♪
♪ And maybe you two guys will be like ♪
♪ Yeah, that's right ♪
♪ Because you seem to be stirring all of the shit ♪
♪ Like rag on the Indians just a little bit ♪
♪ But no, it was a cause for alarm ♪
♪ Then Robert Mugabe came in like take back the farms ♪
♪ And all the other things ♪
♪ Oh, it was bloody ♪
♪ Anyway, over here, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, thank you buddy ♪
♪ That's my Canadian dude there ♪
♪ It's not painful ♪
♪ He's like Chris, flow slow, like maple ♪
♪ That's the syrup ♪
♪ They put it on their food ♪
♪ Pancakes, mounties, you know, they proved ♪
♪ Riding on their horse grains in their hands ♪
♪ The only country I can diss New Zealand ♪
♪ Fuck these guys ♪
♪ What do you even do ♪
♪ No one in here is aware of you ♪
♪ Wellington, Auckland ♪
♪ Have you heard it ♪
♪ Christchurch, no, Chris, we've not observed it ♪
♪ Anyway, if you're over there, it's ever so weak ♪
♪ All you're known for is fucking sheep ♪
♪ Another stuff, there we go ♪
♪ The mic, I won't drop it ♪
♪ New Zealand, fuck you, you motherfucking hobbit ♪
(audience laughing and cheering)
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.