(door closing)
- Hi, Annie, thanks for watching Tanner.
- No problem, Mrs. Damon.
- So I only have singles.
I hope you don't mind.
- Oh no, no, don't worry.
This is perfect.
♪ Money, dollar bills ♪
♪ I got money, I got money, I got money ♪
♪ I got money, money, money ♪
♪ Money, money, money, money, money, money, money ♪
♪ Money, money, mah ♪
(clunking)
- You're supposed to bring the money to the counter.
- Oh, my God, yeah.
- Yeah. - Okay.
Every dollar store ever.
- Oh, my gosh, awesome.
I absolutely love these things.
I can't believe how much magical joy
you can get for only a dollar.
(grunting)
Hello?
Why betray me?
- [Man] Price check, can we get a price check?
(light music)
- Ew, you buy your produce at the dollar store?
- So what, the groceries here are perfectly fine.
Also, I get two avocados for a dollar.
- I buy my avocados from Whole Foods.
They're $18 each.
- So what's the difference?
- $17.
- What are you even doing here?
- Buying party supplies for my least favorite kid.
- [Woman] Dude, sticker packs, let's go.
- A hundred balloons for a dollar?
This is too good to be true.
(laughing)
(light upbeat music)
(squeaking) Damn.
(squealing) Damn.
(squeaking) Balls.
- [Woman] Do you take checks?
- Oh, sick, a Batman toy.
Boatman?
Ah, lame.
- Give me all your money!
- Oh, ah, two, three.
- In my hands. - Four.
- Come on, in my hands. - Five, six.
- Heya!
(dramatic music)
- Whoa, thanks for saving us, Batman!
- Actually, I'm Boatman.
- Oh, lame.
- Yeah, that's okay, I understand.
- [Man] I would trust climbing gear I bought here.
(squealing) - Damn.
(squeaking) Damn.
(air puffing)
Nice. (popping)
Damn.
- [Woman] Let's just buy all the snacks.
(quirky music)
- Can I help you?
- $1 therapy?
- Yep. - Okay, I'll buy a session.
- Great, so what's up?
- Oh gosh, what isn't?
Well, I've been feeling really anxious lately.
- Man, that sucks.
- Yeah.
- All right, that'll be $1.
- Oh.
- Thank you, anything else?
- No, that's it.
- All right, man.
See you next time.
- Thanks. - Uh huh.
- [Woman] Oh, hell yeah, the milk only expires tomorrow.
- Get whatever you want, baby girl.
It's your day.
- Oh, my God, you're the best, yes!
- It's my baby girl daya!
(disco music)
- Oh, um, these too.
- Okay, that's gonna be 23.41.
- Whoa, tax?
Nah, girl put some (beeping) back.
It's not baby girl day, heya.
(disco music)
- I can take some. - I need to say goodbye.
Okay, Kelly and Jemima, give a kiss goodbye.
Keep that one.
- Okay, you know I have dollar therapy sessions, right?
- Oh, my God, I really need that.
- Yeah, come talk to me.
What's wrong?
- Everything.
- [Man] (gasping) Bibles.
♪ What you gonna get at the dollar store ♪
♪ He's picking up some plates ♪
♪ Nope, he changed his mind on the plates ♪
♪ And now he's walking away ♪
♪ Wondering what this song is ♪
♪ This is the dollar store song ♪
♪ We can't afford to pay for real music ♪
♪ Hey ♪
- [Woman] I heard the makeup here is actually popping.
(squealing) - Damn.
- This clown sucks.
- Shut up, Sam.
You're lucky you even got a birthday party.
Blow another.
(melancholy orchestral music)
- Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you.
I work at a strip club.
Still don't. (laughing)
- Yeah, you're gonna be there for a while.
You threw a lot of money.
You need a broom?
- [Woman] Cut, you okay?
- [Man Behind Counter] (laughing) Don't hurt yourself.
- My daughter would never set foot in a dollar store
buying that nasty, nasty.
- I don't know who my mom is.
She abandoned me 23 years ago.
- That's really sad and you should talk to a therapist.
- Are you from Nashville?
- No, I'm from Arkansas.
- Okay, sorry, I thought you were maybe my mom for a second,
and I was hoping.
- Oh honey, I would never be your mother.
- Excuse me?
- No, I don't know.
(laughing)
- Ugh, oh.
(beeping)
(beeping) you!
- Hey (laughing).
(laughing)
- Hey sir, can I take some Sun Chips?
- Dude, take whatever you need.
- [Man] You would eat Sun Chips, you boring ass idiot.
- Shut up, I'm Boatman.
I have a boat, you don't.
Do you have a boat?
You don't have a boat.
- [Man] That's, you don't even, where's your boat?
- It's outside.
- [Man] We live in, we're in Bakersfield.
(slapping)
- (laughing) I hate that.
- I know you do and that brings me joy!
(laughing) (slapping)
- Anything else?
One problem, $1.
- No, I think I'm fixed!
- You feel better?
- Yeah.
- Man, that's what I love to hear.
- Got ya. - Wow (laughing).
- I'm buying party supplies for my least favorite kid.
We call him Satan at the house and he likes that.
- Did Lil Nas X give him a lap dance?
- Little Nas X, are you talking about the Satan shoes?
- Yeah.
- They have blood in them. - Yeah.
- Yeah, well, he's gonna get shot down to hell
from the devil and the Lord.
- Looks like we'll have party down there.
- Who are you?
- A terrible improviser.
- You are brought on this earth to (beeping) with me.
- Yeah.
- I don't like you. (laughing)
- I actually like that one.
- Well, you're an idiot, so.
Sorry.
- Are you just gonna let her say that to me?
- [Woman] Absolutely. - I'm five years old.
- [Woman] Absolutely, if you're an idiot,
then it doesn't matter how old you are, you are an idiot.
- (beeping)
- [Woman] That shirt is a idiot.
- I'm five.
- Is there anything else you can do,
like a cat or a dog or a Dalmatian?
Animal thing?
- I can do a worm.
- Great, do a worm.
(light upbeat music)
I don't know what is happening.
- [Girl] I like that, I like that.
- Oh, oh, my God.
Cover your children, please.
- This has awakened something in me.
- [Man] Cut. (laughing)