We're having blended family marriage issues
happens way too often. My name is Paul Friedman.
I founded The Marriage Foundation and I'm going to try and give you some
insight. I don't know that I could solve all your problems here but I can perhaps
help you get on the right track. So it's very complicated
when you bring two families together and you can't have this universal thing
that says, "Well, if you just do this," because there's
so many variables like if you have teenage girls in the
mix, Oh my God! They are so disruptive no matter what.
They are disruptive if they're saints, they're disruptive, teenage girls are a
problem. Teenage boy is not so big a deal. Little children, if you have little ones
then it becomes a question of territorialism.
Well, who's in charge of deciding how they get disciplined
and it's very complicated. It's very difficult because
men are men, and women are women and most men and most women have no idea about
how to raise children properly. There's so much
contradictory information out there and I can't recommend a good
book. I don't think there is one. Look at how
the kids are coming out now -- they're all crazy
and they have been right along. We can't go back to pre-World War II
so it's difficult no matter what. But
there is something you should keep in mind
and this is very important and that is that when you get married
I don't care how many children are on either side.
I don't care about the complexity of the relationship that one spouse or
the other has with their ex -- none of that matters.
Why? Because when you chose to get married
you drew a circle together created a bubble together that enclosed
only two of you. You didn't get married to the kids.
He or she didn't get married to your kids. No
family. There's this inner circle, the innermost circle
I call it the sacred space of marriage where it's just two of you.
Now the problem is coming not with the complexities
but with your inability to communicate. You don't know where the boundaries
should be. There's so much conflicting advice about
where it should be. When all of that is solvable
when your marriage itself is properly run
and that's the key. Remember your marriage is just
two of you. Remember that the two of you should be experiencing ever-increasing
happiness every single day and if you're not
you're not doing things correctly. That's that simple. Let's use an analogy.
You have a car and you're driving down the road and it's going
There's something wrong.
A car isn't supposed to do that. A car is supposed to drively smooth
it supposed to smoothly drive down the road. A marriage is supposed to be producing
ever-increasing happiness. You're supposed to be experiencing ever
increasing love. Those are the two things that a marriage supposed to
produce. Ever-increasing happiness and ever
increasing love and if it's not
then all the peripheral stuff isn't going to function well
either and that's what's really going wrong.
It's not about the teenage daughters. It's not about
the defensive or obstinate sons. It's not about them not getting along
with you or each other. It's about you two not having your
marriage on track. So, what's the solution?
My discoveries are very different than what you'll find in the psychological
world. I'm different. I was a divorce mediator and I realized
"Wow, no one knows what they're doing with marriage."
I did research. I've created systems. I've created
the foundation that everyone needs to have an amazing marriage, an amazing
marriage. Nothing else should do.
Who will tell you that? I'm telling you that
because it's my experience both individually
but also we've been doing this for about 20 years
helping couples get there by relying on basic
principles including the one of the sacred space of marriage,
about the principle that you should be producing
increasing marriage happiness. You should be increasing
love. Those are principles. There's other principles obviously of course
and you need to learn them. So the solution for you right now,
you have two solutions. It really depends on the state of your marriage.
If your marriage is just starting to go
okay, read one of my books. You'll learn so much.
Read it to each other. Get one of the books. Get Breaking the Cycle.
Read to each other every night. You'll both will be going, "Uh-huh. Oh my God!
I didn't know that. Wow, wow, wow," and your marriage will dramatically
change. Now, if your marriage is starting to
slide towards divorce don't save money. Get the courses
either get the course for men if you're the husband or get the course
for women if you're the wife or show this to each other, this video.
Maybe you could both get the course but don't push it on each other.
If just one of you does it's probably enough
and those are the two solutions. Key -- your marriage
is the most important component. It's the only important component
in this mix. It's not about the kids. It's not about ADHD.
It's not about getting pinched by the police and none of that
matters. It's about you two achieving
the marriage that you should that you deserve.
All right. Go ahead and like this video.
It's good for us. You can leave a comment if you'd like.
You could subscribe. There's a lot of good videos
and blessings to you, blessings to your husband or wife,
and blessings to your family. Things will be okay.
I promise you. If you get the marriage functioning
the rest is I'm not going to say easy but it's a lot simpler. All right. Thank
you and God bless!