﻿Hey guys, I’m Dev and it’s finally summer!
The sun is shining,
the heat is smoldering,
and, if you live here in New York,
the lovely scent of pee and garbage juice is dancing through the streets.
Maybe that’s why so many kids escape the cities and suburbs every year for a fun-filled few months in the woods.
Summer camp is a time-honored tradition,
but it’s not all just sack races and arts and crafts.
Well, we made it to the end of the summer in one piece,
except for a few campers who are lepers.
Good one, Beth!
From serial killers to sabotage,
a fictional summer outing can dissolve into disaster in the blink of an eye,
and we want you to be prepared.
So pass the bug spray and put on that sunscreen,
because today, we’ll find out
What Could Go Wrong With Summer Camp?
First things first, summer camps aren’t just a breeding ground for mosquitoes,
they’re of course notorious for producing masked maniacs, psychos, and
Slashers
Here’s a tip for any first time camper:
Leave the staff alone.
Seriously, they’re just trying to do their jobs and make sure you have a fun summer.
Also, if you push them too far you might just kick off a killing spree.
Like in 1981’s ‘The Burning,’
where a group of kids play a fun prank on the mean old camp caretaker named Cropsey.
You know, the ol’
‘leave a wormy skull with burning candles next to someone’s bed’ trick.
Oh my God! He's burning!
The caretaker gets horribly burned, and when he’s released from the hospital five years later,
he heads back to camp to unleash hell with a gnarly set of gardening shears.
‘The Burning’ is actually based on a famous urban legend from upstate New York,
but when it comes to disgruntled employees from the tri-state area,
none are more infamous than Camp Crystal Lake’s killer cook,
Pamela Voorhees.
After Jason, her son with disabilities, drowned,
Pam blamed his death on two counsellors who were having sex instead of guarding his life.
We weren't doing anything, we were just--
She took her revenge on the ignorant teens,
and after their murder the camp was shut down for decades.
Thank you, Pam.
But twenty years after Jason’s death,
Camp Crystal Lake was open for business once more.
and Pam’s boy still demanded blood,
Kill her, mommy! Kill her! Don't let her get away, mommy! Don't let her live!
I won't, Jason. I won't.
She went on one final killing spree before losing her head to a machete,
clearing the way for her son to take over the family business,
which is making Camp Crystal Lake a seriously unsafe place to spend a summer.
But it’s not just the employees and their creepy kids who can fly off the handle.
It pays to be kind to your fellow campers, too.
In ‘Sleepaway Camp,’
Angela Baker suffers an unspeakable tragedy when her brother and father are killed in a horrific boating accident.
Her adoptive aunt sends her back to Camp Arawak eight years later,
but Angela is ruthlessly bullied by the staff and campers for her shy, introverted nature.
She snaps, and goes on a killing spree using everything from boiling water to bumblebees,
Can't even take a crap in peace around here!
culminating in one of the most shocking twist endings ever seen in a slasher movie.
If there’s a lesson to be learned here,
and there is,
it’s be nice to everyone at your camp,
no matter how shy they are,
or how weird their heads are shaped.
It’s important to build a sense of camaraderie,
because you’re all on the same team anyway,
and those rich jerks across the lake have been talking a lot of crap.
That’s the second thing that can threaten your summer:
An unfriendly
Rivalry
If threats from within your camp aren’t scary enough,
there are plenty of external forces that want to put a damper on your summer fun.
In the 1979 comedy ‘Meatballs,’
Bill Murray helps his ragtag group of counsellors finally defeat the wealthy snobs at their rival camp.
Basically, by telling them not to give a crap,
and teaching them how to cheat.
Hell, every team they're sending over here has their own personal masseuse! Not masseur, masseuse!
But it doesn't matter! I tell you, it just doesn't matter!
It just doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter!
Now, only their pride was at stake in ‘Meatballs,’
but sometimes external pressures can force a camp to prematurely close.
In ‘Ernest Goes to Camp,’
Ernest P. Worrell is a counselor at his beloved Camp Kikakee,
which is owned and operated by a Native American tribe.
Since this is America,
there’s obviously an evil industrialist who wants to buy the property and turn it into a strip mine.
Ernest finds the warrior within,
earns the respect of his troubled teens,
and leads them in all-out guerilla warfare against the crooked mining company.
Now, if a camp simply closes, the worst-case-scenario here is that you’d lose your expensive deposit,
but the stakes can go way higher.
In the anime ‘My Hero Academia,’
a school for future superheroes spends their summer at a training camp on the base of a mountain,
where they undergo grueling tests to hone their superpowered ‘quirks.’
It’s the perfect opportunity for the League of Villains to attack the campers,
kidnap the brightest students,
And forever tarnish the reputation of the U.A. Academy.
By putting their petty differences aside and embracing what it means to be a hero,
the class overcomes the odds and drives off the villains,
even though it comes with a cost.
As a team, campers and counsellors can protect their turf from outside invaders,
but what if the camp’s not worth defending?
Let’s face it, it’s not all canoes and cookouts,
sometimes camp can straight-up suck,
and justice can only be achieved through all-out
Rebellion
The classic Simpsons episode ‘Kamp Krusty’ was originally envisioned as a full-length movie,
but it manages to capture how truly awful camp can be in 22 short minutes.
Welcome to Kamp Krusty!
Instead of ‘The Krustiest Place on Earth,’
the kids of Springfield find themselves in rat infested cabins,
roasting pine cones over a tire fire,
and toiling away in a sweatshop to make Krusty-brand wallets.
They’re literally forced to eat gruel!
You're serving us gruel?
Not quite. This is Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel. 9 out of 10 orphans can't tell the difference.
Bart finally breaks when,
instead of meeting his hero Krusty as promised,
Mr. Black sends out a drunken imitation instead.
That's not Krusty the Clown!
I am so Krunchy the Clown!
Bart conquers the camp, ‘Apocalypse Now’ style,
and he’s rewarded with an all-expense paid vacation for his suffering.
Get ready for two weeks in the happiest place on Earth! Tijuana!
Another ‘90s classic, ‘Heavyweights,’
stars a group of overweight kids who are horrified when Ben Stiller shows up at their weight-loss camp to…
Well he actually wants to help them lose weight.
Okay, he takes things a little too far,
but I’m still not sure his behavior warranted getting dropped into a pit,
locked in an electrified cage,
and getting his ass kicked by concerned parents.
At least he’s not as bad as the counsellors in ‘Addams Family Values.’
That's what being privileged is all about!
Like, what’s so wrong with practicing your archery on America’s mascot?
It's an American Bald Eagle!
Or trying to make a Thanksgiving pageant more in line with the holiday’s ugly history?
You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They said 'do not trust the Pilgrims...
... especially Sarah Miller.'
Wednesday and Pugsley were just trying to enlighten the cheerful conformists at Camp Chippewa,
but that gets them thrown into the Harmony Hut for brutal brainwashing.
Wednesday rallies the troops and stages a bloody revolt,
which ends with the racist-ass counsellors being roasted over a spit.
Not that we condone cannibalism,
but anyone who tries to change Christina Ricci deserves everything they’ve got coming to them.
So we’ve explored what happens when slashers spoil your fun,
rivals run rampant,
and mistreatment leads to mutiny.
It can make camp seem like a pretty intimidating place,
but that doesn’t mean you should stay inside playing 'Fortnite' all summer.
There’s always a
Best Case Scenario
WAKE UP!!!
‘Wet Hot American Summer’ is arguably the greatest movie about summer camps ever made.
and it’s a brilliantly twisted takedown of pretty much every trope we talked about in this video.
But as much as I love Camp Firewood,
there is no way I would ever send my kids there.
Like, the cook is a lunatic who talks to vegetables,
the counselors somehow fit ten years worth of drug abuse in a single hour,
and at least two kids die,
while everyone else is more focused on the talent show,
than the satellite that’s about to obliterate the camp.
No, my ideal summer camp is a little more laid back,
a place to run and jump,
to swim and play,
to row and go on trips.
A place I hold forever in my heart,
and, makes me want to fart.
I’m talking, of course, about Camp Anawanna from ‘Salute Your Shorts,’
where the worst that can happen is an Awful Waffle,
and summer never seems to end.
What's an Awful Waffle?
Awful Waffle! Awful Waffle!
It’s the ‘90s summer camp of my dreams,
filled with mischief, mullets,
and future hip hop legends.
In today’s nostalgia-obsessed world,
I’m sure a reboot is right around the corner.
But for now,
if you’re headed out for summer camp,
I leave you with with a word of warning from our dear friend Ug:
Get it right, or pay the price!