Hey guys, if you're here
you probably know the crushing feeling
of losing someone that
you deeply care about.
Well, my heart goes out to you.
It's an awful feeling
I know it myself.
Your heart feels like it's in vice
and you don't know how you're
ever going to live without them.
You can't sleep, you can't eat.
You're obsessed thinking about them
and all the good times that you shared.
And you're probably worried that
she's out there
trying to find your replacement right away
and because you're not thinking straight
usually you do the absolute worst things
you can do that only end up
driving her further away.
Well, if this sounds like you,
you're in the right place.
In this video, you will learn
the three main reasons
she breaks up with you
that are within your control.
Two, the reason the no contact rule works
and why so many guys get it wrong.
Three, the biggest critical mistake
most guys make trying to get their ex back
and number four,
the only message
you should send
but you should send it during no contact
which will actually completely shift her feelings
and change the power dynamic.
If you're new to my channel
I help men find, attract, and keep there keeper.
Okay, let's jump right in.
So, first of all the main reasons
the three reasons
she will leave you
that are within your control.
One, you smothered her.
If you are acting needy,
desperate, clingy,
controlling, or jealous
then you ultimately pushed her away
by smothering her.
On the opposite end of the scale.
The other reason number two is
you were to aloof.
So, maybe you never did open up
you were closed and you were
emotionally unavailable
or you never were able to
connect in an intimate way
or maybe you started off
being connected
and eventually you slacked
and started taking her for granted.
This is something that usually happens
in longer term relationships.
And then number three is
you really did mess up in a big way.
Either you lied about something significant
either an addiction or an STI
or some kind of serious money troubles
or you cheated, yeah.
So, the good news is don't despair
because these are things
that you can take responsibility for
and therefore you can change
if she's broken up with you
because of something you've done
or neglected to do that she needed.
Well, that's fixable.
Now, I here you ask me, okay,
what do I do, Anna?
All right, well, the next part is going to
feel very counter intuitive
but you have to remember
that if you always do
what you've always done
you'll always get what you always got.
So, the first step
to getting her back
and making her regret leaving you
is the no contact rule.
If she left you
because of
one of the three things I mentioned
or something that you did that
was fairly significant.
The no contact rule,
the no contact time period
allows her the time
to romanticize
about the good parts of your relationship
without having to keep you at bay.
So, you must stop initiating
contact with her
with one exception
and I'll share that with you in a minute.
But in the meantime,
no texting, no phone calls,
no instant messaging,
no social media messaging,
no cyberstalking, no smoke signals,
nada,
even if you messed up big time.
And this brings us to the biggest mistake
most men make when
trying to get their ex back
when she's broken up with him.
And that is begging, trying.
If you instantly upon breaking up
try to beg her to come back
or beg her to forgive you
and start giving her everything
that she's been telling you she needs
whether it's more intimacy or more space.
Well, that's actually going to work
in the opposite way
because she knows
it's just a desperate attempt
to get her back.
It only comes across
as you being selfish
not attractive
because there hasn't been enough
time for you to really change.
And even worse
if she thinks you could have changed
but you didn't while
you were actually together
then she's going to resent
that you didn't change when
you were actually together.
So, key point,
this is why it's imperative.
No matter if you have changed
you think you can change overnight, great.
But still she's not going to trust that
unless there's been time,
a reasonable amount of time
for you to consider the breakup
and to work on yourself
in a way that actually will
naturally affect change.
Habits take time to change, to integrate.
So, it's natural for her to assume
it's not going to happen overnight.
So, you need to give her time and space.
Now, as you've probably heard elsewhere
the typical amount of time
for no contact is 30 days
or approximately a month.
But that's not always true
and I'm going to give you a surefire way
of knowing if you've given it enough time
later in the video as well
because if you contact her too soon
and you're not at this specific marker
then nothing's going to change.
You're just going to end up getting back together,
it's going to be the same thing,
and you're going to go through that heartbreak
all over again.
Okay, now let's look at some no contact tips,
just the tip.
One, again,
avoid sending any kind of messages,
begging for forgiveness,
begging her to come back to you
saying that you've changed
that only screams
desperate and needy and low value.
Does a high value woman
want a low value man
who's desperate and needy?
No, of course not.
It also screams
I, I, I,
me, me, me,
which is selfish.
You don't want her back
so she can be happy.
You want her back so you can be happy.
Two, at the same time
don't send mean messages.
No one wins when playing the blame game.
If it's you, you, you
did this, this, this
and it's your, your, your fault,
well, that's not going to work either.
That's no incentive for her to come back
especially remember
if this is something you did
that drove her away.
Emotionally healthy women
don't go back to men who
only point the finger in blame
without accepting any responsibility
for their part in the breakup.
Now, remember to stick with me to the end
because I'm going to share with you
the one thing you should message her with
and when it might take longer
than 30 days before you should message her again.
Number three,
don't check in with her on social media
or mention her to mutual friends.
What?
I know didn't say it was going to be easy
but this is the surest way to get her back
and have her missing you.
Your words will get back to her
and she will think you're even more desperate
by trying to communicate with her
through those friends.
And you know you've probably done this
hoping that they will tell her.
I know I told you it's counter-intuitive,
but you've got to stick with me
it's the only chance you'll have.
Instead, you need to create a feeling in her
that she's the one
who's going to miss out by not coming back to you
or if she doesn't hear from you soon.
By not chasing her
she wonders if you've already
gotten over her and why.
And she'll start to wonder
if you are out there looking to replace her
then she'll have the opportunity
to start pondering
if she's done something wrong in the relationship,
she'll question herself.
Now, during this time
it's critical to act like
you're over her even if you're not.
But key point,
this does not mean acting bitter.
If you act bitter or resentful
it actually sends the opposite message.
It says she's still affecting you
and you're not over her.
The best way to get over feeling
desperate and lonely or bitter and resentful
is to focus on fixing
the things that are not right in your life.
So, whether you slacked off
in some area during the relationship
or maybe there's an area you've always slacked
and you should actually focus on it
that's what you need to do.
Doing that will help you
become a man you respect.
And key point,
as I've said in many videos,
women mirror your feelings about you.
Now, what about the only time to initiate
contact during no contact?
Okay, the sooner you can get
to this message the better.
Now, if you've already sent a bunch
of sappy messages that's okay.
Don't worry about it you can't stop that
but here's what you can say next,
but make sure you've given at least
a few days of not contacting her
or it'll just seem like
another desperate attempt.
So, if you've at least had
a few days of no contact
then here's what you're going to do.
You're going to reach out to her
either by phone or text,
however you normally communicate
and you're going to say something like this
I understand how I messed up.
I apologize and I agree
we need time apart.
What?
I know exactly.
Wait a minute,
she's thinking I broke up with you
and now you want time apart.
What does that do?
It tells her
that you are actually contemplating
what went wrong in the relationship.
It also further tells her
that you are capable of
living life without her
and you might move on without her.
It shifts the power dynamic
back to something at least more neutral.
You're owning up to your part
without groveling.
Key point,
you don't want to start getting into
a back and forth conversation about
who did what and
you know, getting into a big, long
drawn out thing.
Just go back to
I think we need some time apart
just to sort through what happened.
If you do that while she's chasing you
then you will actually
be in the driver's seat.
You might even say something like
I need some time to recalibrate.
Let's talk after we both had some time.
Okay, now what about
when you should wait longer
than 30 days to reach out?
Here's the litmus test for you.
If you still feel acute
bitterness, resentment,
desperation, or neediness
you're not ready to reach out.
Nothing's changed.
Nothing's changed enough
to change into a new relationship
if you get back together
and you will only end up
repeating what's already happened
and she will leave you again
and you will be even more crushed
because you will end up
ruining the relationship
while it's still fragile.
Remember, key point,
you can't lose something or someone
that is truly meant for you,
but if you don't fix
what was broken in the
relationship to begin with
even if by some miracle
she does come back
nothing's changed
and you're going to go through
the whole cycle again
and it's going to feel even worse.
My heart goes out to you.
Hang in there.
Not from a rafter
big hug, God bless.