Look at all of you.
You look so good.
Thanks for dressing up for me.
You look fantastic.
I am so excited to be here.
I was so excited, I woke up at 5 o'clock in the morning.
I woke up and I was like, wait, what does AM stand for again?
And then it hit me.
Aw, man.
Pretty sure that's Latin.
Pretty sure that's what that is.
You guys, happy holidays.
It's so wonderful.
Yes, it looks so good.
This set is so great.
I love the holidays.
I really-- yeah, you can give it up for the holidays.
[APPLAUSE]
I love the holidays because I love holiday parties,
and I love holiday parties because I love snack tables.
I love veggie trays on snack tables.
I love that little wagon wheel of love just right there.
And I love what's in the center of that little wagon wheel,
because you can tell where you are in this country
by what's in the center of that veggie tray.
If you're in a city or coast, that's right,
you got hummus in the center of that little wagon wheel.
And if you're anywhere else in this country, what's
in the center of that tray?
Ranch.
America sauce, that's right.
I love ranch.
It's our greatest export.
It should be our ambassador.
We should just be sending it and saying, this is our best.
And I love ranch dressing.
I used to be ashamed of my love for ranch, but no longer.
I don't hide that light under a basket anymore.
I love it because I'm a hillbilly.
I'm from Ohio, that's right, which
I like to call the thinking man's Indiana.
And I'm a hillbilly.
I love it.
You might be like, you're not a hillbilly.
Well, when's the last time you chipped your tooth on a car?
Very recently.
Also, one time I was walking and I
saw a single packet of Miracle Whip
on the ground and my first thought
was, oh, free Miracle Whip.
Luckily, my second thought was, hey, man, we got enough money.
We can go buy some Miracle Whip if we need the tangy zip.
You guys, I use they-them pronouns.
Thank you so much.
I am a hero, I appreciate that.
Thank you for your support.
A couple people.
I do use they-them pronouns.
These days it mostly just keeps people
questioning whether they really want to talk to me or not.
It's very convenient.
They're like-- hey.
Sure.
Realistically though, I identify as the "and"
in "ladies and gentlemen."
That's what-- right in the middle there, you know?
The sort of a assigned gender identity I have these days
is, you work here, right?
Everywhere I go, people think I work there.
People always ask me, you work here, right?
And my answer is always, no.
Because I don't.
And then their follow up is, 10 times out of 10--
after I say no it's, are you sure?
Well, you know I do come to this Target quite a bit.
Also, if I'm not sure I work in the place
that we're currently in, I don't think
you want to be asking me any more questions.
I am not your guy.
I also recently moved in next door to a potbelly pig.
That's my new neighbor.
I've named her Karen.
She also goes by Peppermint, so.
She's-- pigs are really great.
I love them.
Have you guys ever noticed that they
look like they're wearing high heels
on the back and the front?
That's why I feel like that phrase,
it's like putting lipstick on a pig, it's so confusing.
Because it really pulls the look together, you know?
It really completes it.
I love that little pig.
Pigs are very smart.
They're just like dogs, and they're pack animals too,
just like dogs.
And I heard that pig next door and I heard her
making her little pig sounds.
And I was alone in my house.
We're both home alone.
I heard that little pig and I was like, that pig is all
by herself over there.
And I was in my apartment and I was like,
you ought to go over there and you ought to knock on that door
and you ought to say, excuse me.
I think your pig is lonely!
And that is the whitest thing I've ever
thought to do in my entire life, is demand
to speak to a pig's manager.
Thank you so much.
I've been Rhea Butcher.
Thanks so much for having me.
[APPLAUSE]
Very funny.
Thank you so much.
So Rhea I discovered recently.
I saw your stand up and I wrote to you and said,
I'm a huge fan.
And then I found out that you were actually
supposed to be in the audience how many years ago?
Well, it was, I think, just in May.
Oh, wow, recently.
Like this year.
So you didn't get to come to the show,
but then now you're invited to be on the show.
On the show, yeah.
So it's actually--
Yeah.
You're here!
It worked out.
It's a different way.
I prefer this seat much more.
Just a different vantage point.
Just a slightly different perspective.
So now, since I am discovering you late,
when did you know you wanted to do stand up?
I mean, I--
I will tell you honestly, I wanted
to do stand up when I saw you do stand up.
Oh.
Like I've watched you do stand up for your whole career
and like, you're the reason I wanted to do it.
Oh.
Well, thank you.
Yeah.
The whole time.
That's sweet.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Well, that's very exciting that I'm a fan of yours
and you've been a fan of mine.
And you're here.
And you can come back anytime.
I think you're hilarious.
Thank you so much.
And if you want to go see Rhea, Rhea
will be at the Bravo Theater in San Francisco on January 18th
and we'll be right back.
Rhea Butcher.