I remember when I was first starting out in business I'd probably spend like 80%
of my time 90% of my time in my head avoiding things thinking about things
worrying about things you know I'd have a client I would need to email and I
would spend so much time basically procrastinating that and putting it off
and then thinking of excuses but then thinking oh it's been too long since
I've emailed them so I don't know if I should (*cough* ENFP Mistake *cough*) and I remember this the other day
I was reading a comment someone wrote and they were talking about how they had
got an email from someone and it was an important email and they started to
think about it so they didn't respond right away cuz I wanted to think about
it and then a few days went by and then it was like six days and so they didn't
want to respond because six days seemed rude so then they just didn't say
anything and someone else commented on their comment just saying yeah that's
called being a flake and it's kind of true
the reality is people will judge you by your actions the world does not care how
you feel it does not care what you think it cares about what you do now I say
that as someone who cares about what you feel when you don't email me back for
three days I probably know why if I know your personality type I probably
understand what's going on in your brain what's going on emotionally and
personally as an empathetic person I care and if you're one of my friend and
I know you're more introverted and maybe emotional and you skip one of my parties
I'm not judging you because I know probably what's going on in your head I
know maybe the pattern or the process that's going on with you and so I
totally understand that and yet I will still say this it's so critical to
realize ultimately the world judges you by your actions not your thoughts and
not your feelings and the reason that happens is that's all other people can
go by listen if I send you an email and you don't respond for a week because any
number of things are going on but you never tell me about those you never let
me into your world what am I supposed to do go up into my spaceship beam down
into your head read your emotional state no I'm gonna judge you as flaky or
unreliable and I got to be honest as much as I understand my fellow enfps and
are similar types like infps and as much as I have been the person who's been
flaky in the past who's been unreliable who hasn't gotten back to people by
email I totally empathize with you if that's your situation and I have zero
hostility but if I'm talking to someone about a partnership or working together
or even being their coach and I see that behavior I usually write them off
because ultimately that's what I have to go by with your behavior right if I'm
thinking about coaching someone I care about your ability to get results if I
work with you and you aren't able to follow through and you aren't able to
achieve what it is you want to achieve when you hire me that reflects on me but
more than that is it's frustrating because if I work with you I'm so
invested in your success that if you don't get there it's going to hurt me as
well and so even in my case someone who totally understands why people might not
respond to an email or skip an event or when people go through ups and downs and
highs and lows I totally understand that and even I ultimately come down to often
judging people by their actions and not even their words but especially not
their feelings so here's something that I found really interesting with myself
is when I started thinking this way more with myself I noticed a big difference
judging myself by my actions and not my feelings because if you
expect other people to judge you by your feelings or by what emotion you had and
not what you did you know you expect other people to excuse you skipping a
meeting or being late to something because of how you felt then you're
definitely going to expect that of yourself to write you're definitely
going to be really laid back with your own judgement of your own behavior like
I felt this way who cares whatever and what I found with myself is when I
started judging myself more by actions and just getting out of my own
head and saying you know talking to myself like a crazy person but saying
hey den shut up either do it or don't you know getting all Yoda on myself
right do or do not there is no try and just say to myself listen focus on the
action sometimes in the morning when I go off to a cafe to do some work I don't
want to go I would love to sit on the sofa and occasionally I do and I put off
going to the cafe but what I've learned to do is get out of my head get out of
the emotion and just say Dan put your shoes on and show up right just show up
and that's my takeaway for you here is my own experience I have found that
focusing on my actions and on showing up has allowed me to become a lot more
reliable and to be someone that people can count on and that's what I'm going
to leave you with is just show up if you have a meeting show up if you need to
respond to an email just send anything it doesn't have to be perfect it doesn't
have to be masterful just send a reply that's your email version of showing up
if you will and start looking at your actions and not your feelings and being
a little bit harder on yourself I'm not saying beat yourself up but look at what
you do and not what you feel and not what you think
or what even you say look at what you do and I have a feeling that when you start
looking at what you do you're going to start doing more and you're gonna lean
towards becoming more of the person you want to be and being someone that other
people can count on that other people respect and ultimately that other people
want to work with and spend their time with now that is just about as much
Stern father figure advice as I can give in a day so let's end the video there if
you're new to the channel by the way my name is Dan if I missed that in the
beginning this is dreams around the world and I publish new videos every
Sunday Tuesday and Thursday all about helping you become your best self and
creating the most awesome life for you and those you love and usually it's a
little more upbeat and positive but I had to play some bad cop here I think
it's a really important lesson in something that can make a huge
difference in your life thank you for watching do
that subscribe button if you are new here and hit the bell and I'll catch you
in another video soon ciao
you