- You're going to learn seven tips
for interrupting a long-winded communicator.
I've done a few videos on interruptions over the past year,
and I'll put links to those in the description below.
And some of you requested
the best way to interrupt other speakers,
when they are going on and on,
and won't let you get a word in.
So the tips you'll learn will be to interrupt
as politely as possible from your side of the conversation.
But some of the tips we'll take getting used to,
if you're not normally an assertive communicator.
So we'll practice the difficult tips together,
to get you used to it.
Before I give you the tips, I have a warning.
I recommend you abandon all hope of changing
a long-winded person into a concise communicator.
Your job is to interrupt as politely as you can.
Don't attempt to manage them as a person.
You will fail miserably.
Just focus on managing yourself
and managing the flow of the conversation.
And if you're interested in how to adapt
these tips for use on the phone,
you'll have to do that adaptation yourself,
because I don't make videos
about phone communication specifically.
Here are the seven tips.
And the seventh is the most assertive,
and might be the hardest one for you.
So we'll build to that,
and I'll give you two bonus tips
about the worst way to handle a long-winded speaker.
Tip number one is about your mindset, and the tip is this.
Remember that interrupting somebody is not
automatically considered a rude or offensive behavior,
except that interruptions
are just part of everyday conversation.
Sometimes there are good reasons to interrupt somebody,
and we'll talk more about that.
But interruptions are very common.
I've read for example, that people interrupt each other
about once per minute in normal back and forth conversation.
So don't feel too badly
about interrupting a long-winded speaker.
Tip number two, some interruptions are not interruptions.
This is the longest and most educational tip of the video,
but it'll help you see interruptions in a new light.
Sometimes we mistake similar behaviors for interruptions.
A traditional view of the word interruption
would be to cut somebody off,
or not let somebody finish what they're saying.
So in contrast many conversations involve
what's more accurately described as overlapping talk.
Some people consider
any overlapping talk as an interruption,
but that is an unhelpful point of view.
Most overlapping talk is not really an interruption
in terms of the way
it influences the flow of the conversation.
Overlapping talk happens when both people
begin speaking at almost the same moment,
and it's hard to tell if an interruption happened
or if two people just spoke simultaneously.
This happens all of the time on Zoom and other phone calls,
because the technology causes a little delay,
and it's hard to know when somebody
has finished or is just pausing,
and then the next speaker starts
talking at about the same moment,
the original speaker continued
their talking turn after a pause.
Now it's a good habit to speak up on the pause.
That's a a tip within a tip here.
Speak up on the pause.
But a pause doesn't always mean
that the other person is done talking,
and that results sometimes in overlapping talk.
I used to work with somebody face-to-face,
who I got along with really well,
but she took really long pauses
during the middle of her talking turns.
She was a deep thinker, a careful thinker.
But when she paused like that,
it sounded like her talking term was 100% complete.
So often I started to respond,
and then she'd start talking again,
and we'd have overlapping talk,
so that I'd stop wait for her to finish.
I don't think it ever felt rude to her,
and we got along well,
but I developed a habit of literally counting
a full five seconds in my head before I spoke.
I knew after five seconds if she hadn't restarted,
then her talking turn was over.
There were numerous times though that I counted
all the way to four seconds,
and she would start talking again,
so I was glad I developed that habit.
So on Zoom or in conversation,
we can just correct this really quickly
by saying something like, "Oh, sorry, go ahead."
Positive overlapping talk also happens
when you are affirming what the other person is saying.
Essentially demonstrating agreement
by finishing parts of what the other person's saying.
And the other person might be jumping in,
because they're excited
and they see things the same way as you.
If you listen to comedy podcasts, for example,
you'll notice lots of overlapping talk and laughing.
Overlapping talk can be a sign of a collaborative spirit
and a sign of a good connection.
It would be a real stretch
to label that type of overlapping talk as an interruption.
All that to say, not all interruptions are interruptions.
Now, at the same time,
be sure you don't have a habit of constantly jumping in,
guessing what the other person is about to say,
or stealing their ending.
If it's repetitive and one-sided,
it'll get annoying and be seen as an interruption.
In contrast,
positive overlapping talk is always mutual and about equal.
So this is really about
understanding the nature of interruptions,
and being able to distinguish that
from normal overlapping talk.
Tip three is that most long-winded speakers
won't be hurt or offended at all,
if you politely interrupt them, and here's why.
They probably know they're long-winded,
and have likely received feedback about it before.
You can take comfort,
that you won't be the first person to signal this to them.
As I mentioned,
sometimes there are good reasons to interrupt,
and one legitimate reason
to interrupt is when the other person is monologuing,
and not giving you the opportunity to respond.
Conversations are supposed to be two-way.
Most long-winded speakers know who they are,
and will accept that was okay for you to interrupt them.
Tip number four,
use I language anytime you are interrupting.
This is also called an I statement.
And I've done a few videos about this,
including a video on assertive communication skills
and verbal strategies,
to prevent people from interrupting you.
I'm gonna give you some samples in a moment.
You'll notice I'm not talking about
how the other person won't shut up.
I'm not pointing out that they are long-winded.
I'm using I language to talk about what I need.
You can wait for a brief pause,
or just jump into the middle of what they're saying,
if they're not pausing.
So let's practice these samples out loud together.
Say these with me.
"I'm sorry, I'm losing track,
can you boil it all the way down for me?"
"Sorry to interrupt, I'm having trouble following.
Can you give me the bottom line and then I'll respond?"
"Please pardon my interruption.
Let me see if I understand your point,
and then I'd like to give you my view."
You can use my samples,
or you can put this in your own words,
just make sure you apply the same principles.
And notice in your message
you are giving them the opportunity to wrap it up.
You're not trying to stop their talking turn on a dime.
So give them a moment and to say
another sentence or two,
and then repeat part of what you said
to initiate your talking turn.
Practice these samples with me,
where you'd jump back in after you've given them
the opportunity to wrap it up.
"Okay, I got it, now I'd like to give you my view."
Or "Makes sense, now I'll respond."
It's important to signal
your intention to speak next by using I statements,
because your intention to speak
gives them a reason to stop talking.
You have to advocate for space to talk
when you're facing a long-winded speaker.
Tip five, In addition to I language,
I'm weaving in some general words of politeness.
"I'm sorry, sorry to interrupt,
please pardon my interruption."
Adding polite phrases like this is a nice touch,
and it'll help protect against any negative feelings
that the other person might have.
You don't have to apologize profusely.
You haven't done anything wrong.
Just add a dash of normal politeness to your interruption.
Tip number six, if you combine these I statements
and polite phrases with some nonverbal cues,
like holding up a finger and leaning forward,
opening your mouth a little bit,
then it should be clear
to the other person that you are trying to speak.
I cover the non-verbal side of these things
in a full interview with Vanessa Van Edwards,
that I will link to below.
A short version of these tips is just to lift your finger,
open your mouth a little bit, and lean forward.
That along with your words,
will send the unmistakable signal
that you are going to talk,
and the other person should make room for you.
Tip number seven, and we've built up to this one.
If nothing else has worked,
then you have to use an even more assertive approach.
You have to start talking
while the other person is still talking.
The key is to do this with a completely neutral tone,
no negativity whatsoever in your attitude.
Once it's clear that they're not gonna stop
without a direct interruption, you just have to interrupt.
And you'll warm it up in two stages.
The first stage is where you start
with a simple phrase or two and repeat it.
"Okay, I got it, got it, got it, okay, I got it."
The repetition will help interrupt their flow a little bit,
and clearly signal your desire to talk.
So practice it out loud with me right now.
"Okay, I got it, got it, got it,
okay, I got it."
And you might want to add
some assertive head nodding as you say this.
That will encourage most long-winded speakers to wrap it up,
and then you can talk.
And you have to keep doing this
until they get the hint sometimes,
and that might sound pushy or too assertive,
and you have to practice it until it feels natural.
But here's the truth, this is the way
polite assertive people interrupt long-winded speakers.
And nobody will find fault in you,
if you do this naturally with no attitude,
because everybody knows
that the other person is long-winded anyway.
If that still doesn't work at first,
then the second stage is that you have to ask
or state repeatedly your intention to talk.
So let's pretend you've already been saying,
"Okay, I got it, I got it, okay, I got it."
Then stage two is to say out loud with me,
"I have something to say, I have something to say,
I have something to say."
Repetition is the key to interrupting their pattern.
And you'll notice that I'm saying this
with a brief pause in between.
So if they're still talking, you repeat these statements,
and don't wait too long before saying it again.
Here's another variation where you can ask it as a question.
Practice it with me.
"Could I say something?
Could I say something?
Could I say something?"
Essentially, you have to just repeat
one of these with brief pauses until the other person
makes space for you in the conversation.
Notice this is all still phrased with I language,
and I'm also using what I would describe as a neutral tone.
I'm not giving off any noticeable
frustration or annoyed attitude.
You should not, for example,
use what people call a sing-songy tone of voice.
Don't say it like this,
"I have something to say, I have something to say, hmm."
That will rub people the wrong way.
Just state your desire to say something assertively,
and as matter of factly as you can.
If you say it in a normal tone, it'll feel normal to them,
and they won't take it the wrong way.
And I'm building up to this.
I don't jump in after 30 seconds
and start repeating these phrases.
I try some of the other tips we've talked about here first,
and then I build to this if needed.
And this is the most assertive approach I've ever had to use
in my entire life when I've done it persistently.
If you can use tip number seven, that's all the force
you will likely ever need to use to prevent
a long-winded speaker from continuing to dominate.
And now for the two bonus tips.
The number one worst thing you can do
when a long-winded speaker is monologuing is to stay silent.
Do not simply remain quiet or continue to listen passively,
when someone's monologuing.
They will very likely interpret that
as either good listening on your part,
or see it as a reason to keep talking,
because maybe they believe you still need convincing.
If you keep listening, they will keep talking.
In most cases, long-winded speakers
are waiting for clear signals from you,
that you've heard them and now you have something to say.
And the number two worst way
to interrupt a long-winded speaker is just to completely
interrupt them and cut them off mid-sentence.
That will reflect badly on you,
and you'll be no better than the long-winded speaker.
Instead, follow the tips we've talked about,
and signal your desire to talk.
Give them the opportunity to wrap it up,
and then initiate your talking turn a assertively.
I hope that helps.
Feel free to share your stories and thoughts about this
in the comment section below.
And be sure to download the free PDF about
the five essential communication skills
that all professionals should have.
Thanks, God bless, see you soon.