You lost touch with a friend of yours. It’s not that a fight spoiled things, or
that someone came between you. It’s just that life happened, and you gradually fell
out of sync with each other’s lives. But let’s suppose one day you’re walking
down memory lane, reminiscing about the good ole days, when an image of your long-lost
friend pops into your head. As you reach for your phone to contact this
friend, you realize that you’ve lost touch and you’re worried they might think this
is random and awkward. Well we’re here to tell you that no matter
how random and awkward it might feel, you are absolutely doing the right thing by reaching
out. Both of you will be glad you did. We’re so confident of this fact that we
decided to create a framework you can use to reconnect with old friends in a way that
doesn’t feel uncomfortable or silly. If you want to learn more, then stick around.
What’s up Explearners. Mary Daphne here of explearning.co where we believe social
skills are the key to the Good Life. What’s the Good Life? It’s where you call the shots,
you have a crew you can count on, and you’re on a mission you care about.
Before I jump in, I wanted to tell you about a great free resource we’ve created for
the Explearning community. It’s a comprehensive small talk guide. If you find yourself grasping
at thin air when you’re in unfamiliar social situations, then our small talk guide is for
you! Click the link in the description box below to get the downloadable delivered to
your inbox. Ok back to the lesson.
How to reach out to a long-lost friend? Someone you may not have spoken to in weeks, months,
maybe even years? First off, it’s important to recognize that
there’s no expiration date on when you can reach back out to someone. It’s not like
a timer kicks off after you part ways. That said, I get it. The more time floats
by, the more distance is perceived between you two. This comes from a lack of day-to-day
knowledge about each other. After all, you used to know what their weekend plans were,
now you couldn’t say if they were living in Austin, Texas or Bangkok, Thailand.
But that doesn’t change the fact that at one point in your lives, you were very important
and special to each other. And that shining fact pierces the fog of time and spans the
distance that has grown between you. So, let’s capitalize on that fact by employing
a powerful template for getting back into each other’s lives, if only for a moment.
Here’s what you can say: Hey {name}. This might seem out of the blue,
but I was thinking about [insert a fond memory with them] and I wanted to check in to see
how things are going. I miss [insert activity you’d do]. Hope all’s well. [sign your
name] You should use their name when you address
them to add that personal touch. Then tell them why you were thinking of them by bringing
up an activity or something that made you think of them. That activity could be spinning
classes, game nights, concerts, hiking, community service – anything you did together that
created fond memories. Then wish them well and sign off with your name so they know who
it is. That’s it for the text – simple and sweet.
There isn’t any specific pressure for them to respond but rest assured, nine out of ten
times they will. Now the next question is, which communication
channels should you use to send this? The answer is that it depends on how long
it’s been since you’ve last spoken. Let’s walk through a few options:
Text message (phone or WhatsApp): If not much time has passed and this was a good friend
of yours, then you can reach out by text. It’s quick and easy, and you’ll have a
high level of confidence they’ll see the note. That said, text messaging does imply
a demand for a bit more immediacy in terms of response time, so if you want to seem less
pushy, consider some of the other options we discuss.
Email: Email is a great “catch-all” communication channel. It doesn’t create the same kind
of time-pressure for response. The recipient can “star” it, or “snooze” it, and
get back to you when they feel comfortable doing so. Or they can respond immediately.
Email also gives you a little more space to expand on the template if you wanted to elaborate
on a specific memory in your note to them. Just keep in mind that some people don’t
check email regularly, and if their inboxes are totally overflowing, they may miss your
email. If you think that’s a risk, consider a different option.
In-app messenger: If you haven’t spoken to this person in ages, but they exist on
social platforms like Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, or LinkedIn, then go with this.
Here’s why: you can’t be sure if they have the same cell phone number or email.
By contrast, on a social media platform you can see if they have any recent activity.
If so, then they are likely to see your message there. So give it a shot. You can even comment
on something they’ve shared as the trigger for your reaching out! Easy ice breaker.
Now, what if the person you’re trying to reach is of an older generation and not using
text-based software? That’s where it would make sense to reach out by phone… the modern-day
telegram. 😊 The reality is that they come from a generation where the phone was the
sole method of long-distance contact (outside of postage), so they are more accustomed to
getting calls out of the blue. ----
So there you have it – a simple game plan for reconnecting with a long-lost friend.
Let’s quickly recap: - It’s never a bad idea to get back in touch
with old friends and it doesn’t need to be awkward
- Send them a short friendly message about a memory that surfaced involving them
- Sign off with your name so they know who you are
- Be strategic about which communication channel you use based on the nature of your relationship
with them and the duration of time since you last spoke
Remember, at some point, you shared overlapping values and principles with this person. That’s
why you became friends in the first place. Chances are, that’s still the case.
So be the brave one and take the first step toward rekindling the friendship. This is
an easy, low-risk way to boost your mood and keep your social network healthy.
If they don’t respond, you still benefited from the pleasant few moments of dwelling
on a fond memory as you put it into writing. And if they do respond, who knows what wonderful
new experiences or business ventures might come out of it!
So now that I've shared our thoughts, I’d love to hear your own ideas for reaching out
to someone you haven’t spoken to in a while. What insights do you have for making it feel
easy and natural? What challenges have you encountered?
Share that with me and the Explearning community in the comments down below.
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And remember, the writeup of these lessons are always available on our blog at explearning.co/blog.
With that, have an awesome week, Explearners. Thank you so much for joining me and I’ll
see you next time for your next Explearning lesson.
Happy Explearning ⚡