>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
FOLKS, ONE OF THE BEST THINGS ABOUT
DOING THIS SHOW IS GETTING TO TALK TO ALL SORTS OF FASCINATING
PEOPLE.
AND OCCASIONALLY-- WHEN A GUES IS BRAVE ENOUGH-- I GET TO DO
MORE THAN JUST INTERVIEW THEM.
I GET TO DELVE INTO THE DEPTHS OF THEIR PSYCHE WITH WHAT
HISTORIANS WILL CALL "THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT."
RECENTLY, JOSH BROLIN, STAR OF "DUNE," "OUTER RANGE," AND
"AVENGERS: ENDGAME," STOPPED BY "THE LATE SHOW," AND THANOS
HIMSELF HAD THE SWINGING INFINITY STONES TO TAKE THE C.Q.
♪♪ JOSH, YOU KNOW, IT'S ALWAYS FUN
TO HAVE YOU ON.
IT'S ALWAYS A TREAT.
>> ALWAYS FUN TO BE ON.
>> Stephen: I KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE A GOOD SPHWER VIEW AND AN
HONEST ONE BECAUSE YOU SHOOT FROM THE HIP.
>> I'VE LEARNED FROM THE BEST.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE WELCOME.
BUT EVEN THE FACT THAT YOU AND I HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR YEARS,
WE USED TO BARREL RIDE TOGETHER OUT WEST.
>> WE DID.
>> Stephen: AND THE RODEO CIRCUIT.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: BUT EVEN -- I DON'T GET TO KNOW YOU AS WELL AS
I'D LIKE WHEN YOU'RE OUT HERE ONLY TEN OR 15 MINUTES OF A
TIME.
>> COME ON WITH ME.
>> Stephen: I'LL DO THAT BUT I HAVE A QUIZ TO GIVE YOU BECAUSE
PEOPLE IN THE "LATE SHOW" LABS COME UP WITH 15 QUESTIONS CALLED
THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT DESIGNED TO PLUM THE DEPTHS OF MY GUEST.
>> LIKE AN ACTOR STUDIO THING.
>> Stephen: VERY MUCH BUT CLASSIER.
>> CLASSIER.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU READY TO TAKE THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT?
>> YEAH, LET ME TAKE A SIP.
>> Stephen: OKAY, HERE WEARING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HAVE YOU REVIEWED ANY OF THESE
QUESTIONS?
>> I HAVE NOT.
>> Stephen: SO THIS IS ALL FRESH.
HERE WE GO.
>> NO, NOT ALL FRESH.
I SAW JEN LAWRENCE TO IT, SAW ONE QUESTION QUESTION, AND I
TURNED IT OFF.
SO SOMEWHERE IN THERE IS THAT QUESTION.
>> Stephen: SO YOU DON'T WANT TO STEAL THE QUESTION.
>> NO.
>> Stephen: JOSH BROLIN, WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH?
>> WHEN I LIVED IN NEW YORK, A RUBEN FROM LENNY'S.
>> Stephen: THAT WAS A GOOD ANSWER.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU OWN THAT YOU SHOULD
REALLY THROW OUT?
>> OH, GOD, I UH HATE THE THING THAT JUST POPPED IN MY HEAD.
>> Stephen: SAY IT.
NO, IT'S A HUMAN BEING!
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WHISPER IT.
YOU CAN WHISPER IT IN MY HEAR AND I'LL DECIDE WHETHER YOU CAN
TELL ANYBODY.
COME ON, JUST WRITE IT DOWN.
>> NO.
THIS QUESTIONERT IS A SHAME QUESTIONERT.
>> Stephen: FIRST THE ONE THING YOU OWN THAT YOU SHOULD
THROW OUT.
>> THAT PERSON CAN NEVER LEAVE.
COME ON, JOSH!
ONE THING I OWN THAT I SHOULD REALLY THROW OUT.
>> Stephen: LIKE SOMETHING IN THE BARN.
>> A SURF BOARD I WAS GIFTED THAT I CAN'T BE ON ANYMORE
BECAUSE MY BACK HURTS.
>> Stephen: DONE.
WHAT IS THE SCARIEST ANIMAL?
>> A WOLF BECAUSE I GREW UP WITH WOLVES.
MY MOM RAN A WILDLIFE WEIGH STATION.
WE HAD TO CLEAN CAGES FROM SEVEN YEARS OLD ON.
TOTALLY IRRESPONSIBLE OF MY MOTHER.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: DID THE WOLVES
GIVE YOU THE LOOK.
>> I LOVE THEM.
BUT IF YOU LOOK AWAY TOO LONG YOU BECOME PREY.
YOU BECOME A CARTOON WHERE YOU START STEAMING.
IF YOU STARE AT THEM TOO MUCH THEY SEE IT AS AN AFFRONT AND
WANT TO ATTACK YOU.
THERE'S NO REASON A 7-YEAR-OLD SHOULD BE IN A WOLF CAGE,
PERIOD.
>> Stephen: I READ DOGS DEVELOPED AN EXTRA MUSCLE RIGHT
HERE THAT WOLVES DON'T HAVE THAT MAKES THEM GIVE YOU THE PUBY EYE
THING.
>> THAT'S A SUBMISSIVE THING.
>> Stephen: IT'S EVOLUTIONARY.
YOU DO HAVE THAT KIND OF THING, A LITTLE BIT.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES?
APPLES BECAUSE MY DAUGHTERS LOVE THEM RIGHT NOW.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR AUTOGRAPH?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WHO?
RAY BRADBURY.
>> Stephen: WE GOING TO DO THIS RIGHT NOW?
>> I ANSWERED THE QUESTION.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: OKAY.
SO THIS HERE -- >> I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO
CONTINUE THIS.
>> Stephen: I'LL ASK QUESTIONS.
HERE WE GO.
RAY BRADBURY.
THAT IS AN EXCELLENT -- YOU A FAN.
>> I LOVE RAY BRADBURY.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE STORY.
>> A STORY?
HE HAD A VERY RED FACE WHEN I MET HIM, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT
WAS ABOUT BUT WE HAD A VERY RED FACE.
>> Stephen: WE HAVEN'T STARTED YET.
>> SORRY.
>> Stephen: I KNOW YOU'RE A CHEATER.
( LAUGHTER ) OH, MAN.
>> NO, THERE'S NOTHING THERE.
BY THE WAY, I BROKE MY COLLARBONE, SCAPULA, A TORN
LABRUM AND I HAVE A TORN LABRUM RIGHT NOW.
THE ONLY WAY YOU WILL EVER WIN IS IF I'M ASLEEP OR DEAD.
>> Stephen: WHILE YOU WERE FEEDING WOLVES AND RIDING HORSES
I WAS PLAYING DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS.
SO LET'S LOWER OUR EXPECTATIONS, JOSH BROLIN.
>> READY?
>> Stephen: JOSH BROLIN, WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE
DIE?
ONE, TWO, THREE, GO.
>> GO.
OH, GOD, YOU'VE GOTTEN SO MUCH STRONGER.
WHY IS IT SHAKING SO MUCH?
( LAUGHTER ) OH!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: ARE YOU HAPPY?
WHEN WE COME BACK, I CONFESS TO JOSH BROLIN THAT I'VE NEVER SEEN
ONE OF HIS MOST FAMOUS FILMS.
HE DOESN'T TAKE IT WELL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )