>> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST CAN BE
SEEN THROUGHOUT EUROPE THIS
JUNE, ON HIS "LOC'D N LOADED"
TOUR.
PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY FUNNY
PREACHER LAWSON.
♪♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
GOOD TO BE BACK.
HEY, IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY LAST
WEEK, BABY.
YAY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪
THAT'S COOL.
PISCES SEASON, AY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS --
NOTHING, 'CAUSE IT'S NOT REAL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY, AND
IT'S REALLY COOL, MAN, MY
BIRTHDAY AND STUFF, MAN.
IT WAS -- I HAD A GOOD TIME.
I HAD A -- I GUESS THIS IS MY
BIRTHDAY PRESENT RIGHT NOW.
THAT'S WHAT I FEEL LIKE.
IT'S AWESOME, YEAH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AND NOBODY, NOBODY ASK FOR MY
AGE, 'CAUSE IT'S RUDE.
YOU EVER ASK SOMEONE THEIR AGE,
AND THEY'RE LIKE, "I'M NOT
GONNA TELL YOU."
IT'S LIKE, "ALL RIGHT, BUT, I
CAN SEE YOU, YOU KNOW?"
[ LAUGHTER ]
"YOUR FACE IS SNITCHING ON YOU
RIGHT NOW."
LIKE, WHAT IF I WAS LIKE
"NOBODY ASK MY RACE."
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU BE LIKE, "A'IGHT, BUT
PROBABLY BLACK.'
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT I DIDN'T DO MUCH FOR MY
BIRTHDAY.
I WAS STUDYING A LOT.
I'M TRYING TO LEARN SPANISH,
'CAUSE THAT'S MY WIFE'S FIRST
LANGUAGE, YOU KNOW.
SO, YEAH, JUST IN CASE SHE
STARTS TRASHING ME TO THE
FAMILY, I CAN BE LIKE, "QUE?"
[ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, THAT'S ALL I GOT.
BUT I GOT TIME.
'CAUSE I AIN'T MET HER YET.
BUT I KNOW WHAT I LIKE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I KNOW WHAT ME GUSTA, ALL
RIGHT?
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
YEAH.
NO, MY TYPE IS WOMEN THAT LIKE
ME BACK.
THAT'S MY JAM RIGHT THERE.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I'M SINGLE.
AND I'VE BEEN SINGLE FOR LIKE,
FOUR YEARS, I THINK.
FOUR YEARS, TWO MONTHS, EIGHT
DAYS, NINE HOURS, I DON'T FULLY
REMEMBER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT I HATE BEING SINGLE.
THE ONLY TIME I WANT TO BE
SINGLE IS WHEN I'M IN A
A RELATIONSHIP.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
BUT I PICK REALLY GOOD EXES.
MAN, I LOVE MY EXES.
THEY'RE GREAT.
YOU KNOW, I KNOW I COMPLIMENT
MY EX, AND PEOPLE ARE LIKE,
"WELL, IF YOUR EX IS SO COOL,
WHY YOU BREAK UP WITH THEM?"
'CAESE I BROKE UP WITH ALL OF
THEM, UNDEFEATED.
BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER, YOU
KNOW?
[ LAUGHTER ]
I JUST -- I'M NOT GOING TO
TRASH MY EX.
YOU EVER MEET THAT PERSON?
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.
EVERY TIME I MEET SOMEBODY,
THEY CRAZY," YOU KNOW?
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
IT'S YOU, YOU'RE THE REASON.
'CAUSE I DATED ONE PERSON THAT
WAS CRAZY, AND I KNEW IT THE
WHOLE TIME.
I REMEMBER THE FIRST DATE.
I WAS LIKE, "OH."
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
"I'MA TRY IT OUT."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
IT WAS GREAT.
I LOVED IT, MAN.
[ APPLAUSE ]
YEAH.
BUT SHE USED TO LIE A LOT.
SHE LIED A LOT.
WHICH IS OKAY, IT'S LIKE SPICE,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
EVERYBODY LIKES -- NO ONE LIKES
PEPPER PASTA, BUT WHO DON'T
LIKE A LITTLE PEPPER ON THEIR
PASTA?
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I LIE TOO.
I DO REGULAR LIES, THOUGH.
I SAY STUFF LIKE, "ON MY WAY."
OR, WHEN I'M ON, LIKE, AN
EMERGENCY EXIT ROW ON A PLANE,
AND THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT IS
LIKE "HEY, ARE YOU WILLING AND
ABLE TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE --"
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
"-- FOR A BUNCH OF STRANGERS
FOR A LITTLE BIT OF EXTRA LEG
ROOM?"
I'M LIKE, "YEAH."
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
NO, I'M NOT.
I REMEMBER SITTING THERE, SOME
LADY NEXT TO ME WAS LIKE "I AM
NOT ABLE TO DO THAT.
I'M SO SORRY, I CAN'T."
AND LIKE, SHE MOVED AND WENT TO
THE BACK.
ME NEITHER, STUPID, I'M LYING,
OKAY?
[ LAUGHTER ]
OKAY, I JUST WANT TO DO THIS.
I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THE BACK.
NOW YOU'RE GONNA BE
UNCOMFORTABLE, FOLDING UP IN
YOUR HONESTY.
PEOPLE GONNA SCOOT THEIR BOOTY
PAST YOUR NECK.
"'SCUSE ME, SORRY."
[ LAUGHTER ]
"I'M SO SORRY.
I'M TRYING TO GET TO MY SEAT,
84D.
I'VE JUST GOT TO --" [ LAUGHTER
AND CHEERS ]
"OH, DID I PASS IT?
OH, OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, MY BAD."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
"OKAY.
HERE'S MY BOOTY AGAIN,
STRANGER.
I'M SORRY."
I DO LIES LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW.
I DO LIE A LOT.
I'M NOT EVEN BLACK, CHECK IT
OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
"MY NAME IS JERRY."
NO, I'M BLACK.
I'VE BEEN BLACK MY WHOLE LIFE.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I DID DO A "23ANDME," IT SAID I
WAS 13% IRISH.
I WAS LIKE, WHAT?
WHERE'D THAT COME FROM?
I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
YOU GET WHAT I MEAN?
I WAS TALKING TO MY FRIEND,
HE'S LIKE "I'M NOT GIVING THE
GOVERNMENT MY DNA, YOU KIDDING
ME?"
AND I WAS LIKE, "YOU GOT A CELL
PHONE.
IT'S TOO LATE, MAN."
REMEMBER WHEN YOU USED TO TALK
ABOUT THINGS, AND ADS'LL POP
UP.
YOU'RE LIKE, "OH, MY GOD."
IT'D FREAK YOU OUT -- "I WAS
JUST TALKING ABOUT THAT."
NOW WHEN IT HAPPENS, YOU'RE
LIKE, "THANKS FOR REMINDING ME.
I FORGOT TO ORDER THAT ON
AMAZON."
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW?
I'M NOT GETTING THE CHIP IN MY
BRAIN.
BUT I KNOW TEN YEARS FROM NOW,
I'LL BE LIKE, "THEY GOT NETFLIX
ON THE CHIP?"
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
HE'S LIKE, "I'M NOT TALKING
ABOUT THAT.
I'M TALKING ABOUT HOW SOMEONE
DID THAT TEST, THEY MATCHED IT
WITH A MURDER, HE'S IN JAIL
NOW."
AND I WAS LIKE, "WORD.
DID YOU MURDER SOMEBODY?"
[ LAUGHTER ]
"'CAUSE YOU SHOULD LET ME
KNOW."
THAT'S MY TIME, Y'ALL.
MY NAME IS PREACHER LAWSON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪♪
>> Jimmy: COME ON, BUD.
COME ON, BROTHER.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
PREACHER LAWSON!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
SEE HIS "LOC'D N LOADED" TOUR
THROUGHOUT EUROPE THIS JUNE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY,
COME ON BACK.