-Okay. [ Thunderclap ]
[ Emergency alert tone ]
♪♪
[ Pumping ] -I would imagine this looks
quite strange on your end.
♪♪
As many of you may have seen before on "One Star Reviews,"
I often visit businesses that have bad reviews
and I put those reviews to the test in real life.
However, due to the rapid changing society
that we live in -- -Lockdown!
-I'm going to give these businesses a break
and I'm going to move into the realm of products...
[ Choir singing ]
People have a lot to say about products.
♪♪
A lot of bad things to say about products,
so I'm going to seek out these lowly rated products
and I'm going to put them to the test in real life.
[ Grunts ]
Welcome to "One Star Product Reviews."
Today, the rubber dinghy.
So now I'm going to go ahead
and just do a quick search for boats.
Oh, my God, I wouldn't mind
having this giraffe party tube inflatable raft.
♪♪
Sorry, I get very distracted quite easily
when it comes to attractive women
sitting on inflatable objects.
Whoa there -- so I just came across the Solstice by Slimline
Voyager four person boat.
-This is so low to the water. Uncomfortable.
And that's just with me while my legs are outstretched.
-My son and I went camping
and I noticed that the box didn't contain
the French oars like it included.
I didn't use because of that and my son was very upset.
-Used one time and when we took out the next time
there was a terrible air leak where the oars go
which made it useless.
-I mean, I would imagine if you're buying a boat,
you know, you're going to want to use it various times.
-Easy to puncture. Got a couple holes from blackberry bushes.
-I don't know, but I'm going to go test this thing out myself
and...
hope I don't sink.
Our invisible enemy
has become a true friend to the online shopping trends,
meaning that the online review
is more important than ever before.
So my job of putting reviews to the test
has never been any more necessary than it is today.
So I'm going to go out and try this product
before getting on the phone with the manufacturer
to ask them about its many bad reviews.
I've been cooped up inside for quite some time now,
kind of just thinking back to my fond memories of being outdoors.
What's going on? How's it going, man?
[ Thunder crackling ]
New York City has definitely been through the wringer
within these last few months,
so I figured I'd get off the land,
which is so busy, so scary.
Get back out there, which is so peaceful,
so quiet, just open.
♪♪
[ Thunder crackling ] All right,
so I've arrived at the launch pad for the boat.
It's pouring rain.
There's some cute geese out there, though.
The rain isn't keeping them from having fun today.
It's not going to keep me from having fun either.
Let's do this.
All right, so far, so good, they pack this quite well.
There's all this packing.
The Solstice Voyager, Sport Boat Kit.
[ Thunderclap ]
Just located the instructions.
All right. This actually looks incredibly complicated.
[ Thunder rolling ]
All right, we're going to figure out what this does later.
[ Thunder crackling ]
Oh, it's really starting to come down now, all right!
I think our camera operator
might need a break, it looks like --
we're just going to cut for a second.
We'll be back.
[ EAS tone ]
Maybe I could duck cover under here.
I'm just going to chill out in the car for a second.
The rain's coming down real hard.
But I promise you this review
and I'm going to get you this review,
because rain or shine,
nothing is going to stop me from taking out my dinghy
and putting it out on the water.
-Oh, my God, it's, like, floating away, we're flooding.
-Are you kidding me? -It is floating away!
-Okay.
♪♪
[ Emergency tone playing ]
♪♪
Mother Nature could try her best
to try to prevent me from taking this boat out.
But to me today, that was not happening.
I'll be right back.
♪♪
Okay!
♪♪
So they actually make this quite easy.
They provide you with an air pump.
This is the pump.
[ Pumping ]
This air pump is very slow.
Maybe I need to go like this.
This is no easy task
'cause this thing won't really stay inside the hole.
Fucking hell, it just, for some reason,
this won't stay inside of this.
Am I like doing it wrong?
Should I just stick this whole fucking thing in there?
No, that's not how it's done.
Oh, I think I have put it in the wrong hole.
This actually might work.
Oh, shit!
♪♪
I mean, it just goes to show that some people can be
very quick to judge a product.
Here -- oh, my God!
Fuck!
[ Pumping ]
Fuckin' hell, this gives you a foot cramp and a half.
Oh, my God. All right.
I'm surprised none of the reviews reference the pump.
[ Air hissing ] Fuckin' motherfucker!
I personally am having a very difficult time with it.
I don't know if it's the rain or the fact that this thing
won't stay inside the hole,
but I'm not in a good mood right now.
But the good news is, I'm sure once I make it out to sea,
all of my problems, will stay here on the land.
♪♪
So I think I pretty much have this thing filled up.
It wasn't easy, but we did it.
♪♪
-This is not a four person boat. It's not a two person boat,
My feet are cramped up against my tackle box and only 5'8".
-This doesn't fit four people at most two with no extra room.
-So one review that came up a lot
was this alleged lack of space
for multiple people in the boat --
capacity issue.
So I called around, tried to get some friends to join me.
They said no -- so instead, I have with me
some human sized objects from around the office
that are going to represent my friends.
People come in all shapes and sizes.
So by bringing these oddly shaped
and inconvenient items along, it felt like a fair
and accurate way of testing the boat's full capacity.
This probably wasn't the best way to do this.
♪♪
So far, so good!
Wow, I cannot believe this is working!
My ass got a little wet on the way in,
but nothing crazy.
♪♪
The sun seems to have come out,
everything just feels quite nice,
and the slight dampness of my ass
due to how low this thing rides is actually quite refreshing.
My life is now complete.
These are my friends today. No one else would join me.
So far, so good, though!
And the sun came out!
It's quite nice out here in the water,
got my friends with me, refreshing feeling of water
dripping down my lower back right now.
It's heavenly.
Now, all that's left to do is, uh...
give the great folks over at Solstice a ring on the phone
and try to get to the bottom of some of these low reviews.
[ Ringing ]
Hey, how's it going?
I was trying to talk a little bit about this boat
that I just purchased?
I think I saw those. Where were those swans?
I was checking out some of the reviews, though.
I don't know. Are you familiar with any of the reviews?
Smaller than pictured, fit two teenage boys,
not for adults as pictured.
Thank you. That makes total sense.
I mean, for sure. I guess --
-Easy to puncture. Got a couple of calls from blackberry bushes.
♪♪
Yeah.
♪♪
-This is so low to the water. Uncomfortable.
-Is this just someone sitting in it wrong?
Was I kind of sitting in it wrong?
You know, it does seem a little low to the water.
Is that just the style of the boat?
♪♪
Yeah, I used the manual, I kind of rushed it a little.
Okay.
♪♪
[ Honking ]
For the people out there before they write a negative review,
you know, like what should they consider, you know,
what do you want them to know?
[ Horn blowing ]
Paul, thank you so much for chatting with you today.
It's been a lovely day.
I'm looking forward to many a rides on this boat.
♪♪
"Looking to escape a busy life on land,
I ventured off in my Solstice Voyager Four Person Boat
in pursuit of some peace and tranquility.
As was I, many can become overexcited before
going into the water
and perhaps hurry to assemble their dinghy
in a haphazard manner
and end up this dissatisfied with the results.
Not to mention that if you plan on entering murky,
rat-infested waters after a flash flood
with a ton of ferries passing by,
maybe this boat is not for you.
This all can inevitably lead people to become impulsive
and jump right into writing a negative review.
The general consensus online is that size matters
when it comes to dinghies.
Yes, this boat does come a bit smaller than pictured,
but you can still make it work,
and that's what matters when you're at this price point.
Size is not everything. It's about position.
So when this boat is a rocking, don't come a-knocking.
♪♪