our next guest has performed at clubs all over canada and the united states including the improv
in los angeles and also catch a rising star and stand up new york here in manhattan and now
making his network television debut ladies and gentlemen please welcome norm mcdonald
well thanks good to be here uh i've been traveling around a lot watching a lot of the tv you know and
uh we've seen these new sports on a tv where they'll try to combine two sports together
and make up a new sport you know like a guy who would run a hundred yard dash and then fish
well i love the tv i saw a cat food commercial i said the end of it said
all natural food for your cat all natural food but cat food's made out of horse meat
yeah that's the way it works in nature the the cat right above the horse in the food chain
matter of fact every time my kitty gets a little cooped up in the apartment i i need
to take him down to the racetrack let him stalk some prey down there
so cute when he comes trotting back with a stallion hanging out of his mouth there you know
do i love the tv you know anything at all the only thing i don't like you ever see when there's a
celebrity that you really respect and admire and then he shows up on some cheap tv show you know
last week i was watching the hollywood squares and a secret square jd salinger
but i like game shows that's my favorite thing you know big prizes and everything you ever see
the dating game here's asho that's a weird show there the prize on that show another contestant
talk about cheap they always do the same thing on that show they get a beautiful girl match her up
with three giant dorks last week they had a guy on was a crazy guy loony bin psycho wingnut you
could tell by the way they introduced him we go back for number two is a shadowy lurking character
whose hobbies include skulking please welcome from no fixed address he's just a guy menacing
figure shambles into the studio there you know then they make the girl ask those questions you
know laced with sexual innuendo you know girl go batcher number two if i were a popsicle
what would you do to me then if i were a popsicle that's what it says in the card here
and it goes well if you're a popsicle huh well first of all i guess i'd uh take your wrapper off
if you know what i mean then i'd grab a hold of your sticks
if you know what i mean then i'd press you against the counter to your broken too
so happy in the freezer to later
you know what i mean you understand what i'm getting at it's crazy
but a lot of violence on tv you know kids aren't supposed to watch violence now on a
tv they're afraid maybe the kids will copy what they see on a screen you know i can't
even get a funny cartoon anymore because some 12 year old watched a particularly violent episode
of the roadrunner coyote show and the next day they found him in the bottom of a canyon
like two giant springs strapped to his feet a big
good couple of strings he had a little umbrella in his hand science said yikes
but there's violence everywhere you know i was reading a paper this guy if you believe this
a guy killed his family because the devil told him to you believe that imagine that
killing your family and then you go back to devil go yes devil i did as you instructed
i killed my family and i chopped them up and put them in a duffle bag here they are
i'll be burying them tonight at the shallow grave by the side of the railroad track as you have
commanded oh lord host of the hoary netherworld then the devil pulls off a mask it's me bob
yes you got me bob you got me there right
i got my family in a duffel bag over here that's one for you there bob this dirty dog
so i had his dreams i ever have a dream and then you wake up
right in the middle of the great dream and then you're back in your stinking life again
and so then you try to fall asleep re-dream it
man that never works always end up with some weird mutation of your original dream area
like in the first dream i was in a pool with christy brinkley and we were swimming toward
each other and then i woke up so i fell asleep again i end up shooting pool with david brinkley
you