- [Instructor] Hey, Psych2Goers.
Do you have a feeling that something is wrong
in your relationship or in a potential partner?
Something just seems off.
Psychotherapist and sex therapist Dulcinea Pitagora
noted in an article from the "SELF"
that red flags in a relationship can be noticed first
as simply feelings.
Her tip: to pay attention to your body.
What sensations are you feeling when you're deciding
if something is a red flag?
Is your heart rate increasing?
Do you feel nervous in a negative way?
She explained to "SELF" that it's enough to know
that something doesn't feel right and needs to change.
But what if there are some red flags you missed?
To help you out, here are five relationship red flags
that therapists often warn about.
Number one: they criticize you,
subtly or passive aggressively.
Does your date or partner subtly criticize you?
Are they passive aggressive with you
or maybe they aren't subtle at all?
Criticizing a partner is a red flag.
If you notice this early on,
it's best to think again on if this person is right for you.
Licensed marriage and family therapist at Choosing Therapy,
Samara Quintero, told "Insider" that this is a form
of emotional abuse that can lead to feelings
of anxiety and insecurity in the partnership.
Quintero gave "Insider" some examples
of these frequent put downs and criticisms including:
you're lucky I'm still with you
because you'll never do better than me.
And, you sound so ridiculous when you try to be funny.
"Insider" even mentioned a 2013 study published
in the journal of "Violence and Victims".
The study proposed that the effects of emotional abuse
are just as detrimental as the effects of physical abuse.
Number two: they're rude to staff and waiters.
How does your date treat waiters and staff?
Pay attention on your next date at a restaurant.
Dating coach and couples counselor, Dr. Gina Senarighi
explain to SELF magazine
that how they treat service industry workers
will give you some insight
on their opinion on social structure.
It can also show you their sense of entitlement
and give you a look into how they treat others
when they're in a position of power.
If they're rude to them, then you now have a lot more info
into what kind of person they really are.
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Number three: they're irresponsible and immature.
Is your date or partner often irresponsible, immature?
Irresponsible partners may find themselves
in many crises each day
because of their actions or immaturity.
According to psychiatrists, Dr. Abigail Brenner
in her "Psychology Today" article,
small crises surrounding the way they live their daily life
may take up a lot of time and energy.
If so, there may be little time and energy left
for you and your issues.
These people may still be working on growing up.
In other words, it may be hard to rely on them
for almost anything.
So while you may be there for them a lot of the time,
they often won't be responsible enough
or have much energy to give you the things you need
in a relationship, possibly time and energy.
Number four: they describe every one of their exes as crazy.
Have you ever found out your partner was lying
or maybe you've already discovered
if you small lies from your date?
Lying is a common relationship red flag.
Therapist, Samara Quintero explained in an article
from "Insider" that we are all guilty of telling white lies.
However, if you notice
that your partner is consistently deceiving
or getting caught in lies, it's a red flag.
What's a relationship without trust, anyway.
Little lies add up.
And if there are small lies,
there could be big ones as well.
Number five: they don't communicate with you
or express how they feel in the relationship.
Do you notice that you're the only one
effectively communicating in the relationship?
Being honest and communicating early on
will only benefit your relationship.
Therapist Samara Quintero also mentioned to "Insider"
that a healthy relationship provides a safe place
for both partners to speak openly on their emotions
without fear of judgment or criticism.
We mentioned passive aggressiveness before
and harsh criticisms.
These two can be signs
of poor communication in a relationship.
Communication is key, people.
So make sure both you and your partner are both expressing
how you really feel in the relationship
and talking about what you want and need from each other.
If they're not communicating
even after you've mentioned your concerns,
this is likely another relationship red flag.
If you've noticed many of these red flags,
it's best to reconsider your relationship
and not ignore the red flag warnings.
So did you notice any of these red flags
in your relationship, in your partner or yourself?
feel free to share with us in the comments below.
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As always, thanks for watching.