- Why are we resistant to change?
Why are we scared of change?
Are you looking to make some positive changes in your life
but find yourself stuck in your comfort zone?
Maybe you are longing to try something new
but you hold back because of the fear of change,
because you believe you lack the confidence
to bring about change.
Watch here.
I want to show you and explain to you
why we are scared of change
and how we can fix that for good.
So why could people be resistant to change?
Well, it's very easy to explain that; change is scary.
Our primitive brain is hardwired to like what is familiar
and to resist what is unfamiliar.
Not long ago, what kept us safe was the same.
Imagine you live on the prairie, on a fort,
and what keeps you safe
is the same old, staying in those four walls.
If you decide to climb over the fort
and go for a walk, you could be killed.
And so, at a very early age
we learn that the same makes us safe.
If you've ever had a two-year-old child,
you know they go, "I don't want that, it's got lumps,
"I don't like that."
What they're saying is, "I don't know that,
"I don't know that new thing."
And it's scary because when a child was two,
exactly the age where they could wander off on the prairie
and pick their own nuts and berries,
they tended to only like what they already knew.
So what does change mean?
Well, you see, change can be change for the better.
It can be change for the worse.
And when we fear change,
what we really fear is a fear that, "I can't control it."
When you can control the direction of change in your life
and make it change for the better,
you don't fear change.
People say to me, "Hey, don't you hate getting older?"
I'm like, "Not really,
"because isn't it way better than the alternatives?"
Getting older is a gift.
It's a privilege.
It's a joy.
I've worked with many people who say,
"I'm so depressed, my kids are leaving home,
"they're going to college.
"I don't know what to do."
I've met people who are in tears
when their child starts preschool
because they don't like the change.
I ask them to look at the truth;
imagine if your child never changed,
imagine your child stayed at home with you every day.
And you know what?
There are people with disabled children
and that is their reality.
They never go, "This is wonderful,
"my kid will never change."
They miss out on seeing that child grow up, get a career,
get married, have a family.
So we fear change for one reason,
"What if the change makes me worse off?
"What if my child leaves home?
"What if this relationship doesn't work?
"What if I leave this job that I don't even like
"and get one that's worse?
"What if I leave this abusive relationship
"and the next one is even worse?"
We fear change in case the change is change for the worse.
When you decide, because you can decide,
that all change is change for the better,
when you can control the direction of change
in your life and make it positive,
you don't fear change.
You don't fear getting older
when you realize that some people never have that choice.
You don't fear your children leaving home
when you know it's a sign you've done a great job.
You don't fear changes in your relationship,
you go, "Well, this is what happens.
"We've been together for 15 years,
"we're not having wild sex every night
"and staying up all night having wild sex
"because now we have this beautiful friendship and companionship.
"We still have sex, but not like it was 20 years ago."
So being comfortable with change
and seeing all change as change for the better
requires you to step out of your comfort zone,
to look at something differently.
After all, in COVID, change was forced upon us.
And here's the thing.
Some people said, "Oh, I love it.
"It's amazing.
"I'm at home.
"I'm with my children.
"I don't have to commute to work."
Other people say, "Oh, it's awful.
"I feel like I'm in jail."
So it was the same situation,
but how you look at it makes a difference.
When you change the way you look at things,
the things you look at change.
So how can you work on being open to change?
Well, work on your confidence.
And decide that change can be a good thing after all.
Imagine now, just close your eyes and imagine
you're living in 'Groundhog Day,'
whatever you are wearing today
you're going to wear every day for the rest of your life.
Whatever the weather's like today,
it'll be like that every day for the rest of your life.
Whatever you are eating today,
you're going to eat that every day
for the rest of your life.
What you're watching on television tonight,
you're watching that same show every single night.
And where you live,
it will always be exactly like that.
See, no one says, "Oh, I love that."
They go, "Oh, no, the seasons never change.
"What I'm eating never changes.
"I never change my clothes."
|Nothing changes." We want to change.
Change is exciting.
So the thing that you can change that makes life wonderful
is changing your thoughts.
Here's how it works.
Thoughts always come first.
Your thoughts dictate your feelings,
your actions, your behaviors.
Even a belief is nothing more than a thought
you think a lot.
So when you can change your thinking,
you can change the fear of change
and welcome change as exciting.
And when you can look at change with positive affirmations,
with different visions, when you say,
"Yes, I am changing my career,
"it's exciting."
"Yes, I'm leaving a relationship."
You know, every stage is a dream that's dying
or something amazing coming to birth.
"I've decided to end a relationship, I'm going to be on my own,
"but it's exciting.
"I'm moving cities.
"I'm changing jobs.
"My kid is leaving home."
And here's the choice you have every minute of every day;
rationalize why that is so awful or talk yourself out of it.
When I took my daughter to college,
she cried all the way there.
Got out the car and went, "Mom, I love it here, it's great,
"you can leave."
And I love that.
I missed her terribly.
I was excited for her.
I was thrilled when she got engaged,
I love the person she's marrying.
I can't wait to be a grandmother.
And I miss having a sweet little kid
living in the house with me, a gorgeous child.
But I know that I couldn't keep that forever.
So you have to change the way you look at things,
change your mindset and understand the truth.
When you can make yourself feel good about the direction
of change in your life and see it as change for the better,
even if that means, "I'm aging, I'm retiring."
Many people I know love retiring, they go,
"It's wonderful."
Others say, "I hate it, I've got nothing to do."
But you see, it's how you look at it.
Don't fear change, welcome it, embrace it,
look for what's good about it.
If you can look for what is good about change,
then everything will change.
So I've had many changes in my life, of course.
I've got got older,
I've left careers, I've started new ones,
I've had a beautiful, much-wanted baby
that became a toddler, that became a teenager,
that's now getting married.
And I've decided to love every single minute, every stage.
And of course, I miss her not living in the home.
I miss not having a little, squidgy little thing
to squeeze and cuddle.
I still squeeze and cuddle her a lot.
But the only way we can adapt to change is not to fear it.
Even when we get an illness,
it's like, "Well, what can I do about this?
"What can I learn from it?"
We can lose a job, lose a family member.
When both my parents died
within three months of each other, that was hard.
And I could have said, "That's unfair."
But I was so grateful
that I had both of my parents for so long.
My father was 89.
My mother was 85.
I could have said, "Oh, I miss them."
I do miss them.
But I had to change how I think,
"How lucky am I that I had them for so long?
"How lucky am I
"that my father died
"believing he had a full and wonderful life?"
And he was ready.
He was, he couldn't see so well, hear so well,
speak so well.
He felt his life was complete.
And so, instead of feeling bad about that,
I felt good that he had a full life
and he died with no regrets.
Which is an amazing way to die.
If from today nothing changes,
what you wear, what you eat, what you see, what you do,
the people in your life never change,
you won't like that.
Seasons are wonderful.
A change in diet, a change of clothing, a change,
"We had a change of scene."
If you think you don't like change,
imagine from this minute, nothing ever changes.
And you'd realize, "Oh, no, I don't want that, change is good."
It's exciting, it's what you make of it,
so make the best of it.
And click the link below
to access my '21-Day Confidence Challenge'
to start having the confidence
you need to change your life.
There's a great line in a Bruce Springsteen song,
"I want to change my clothes, my life, my face."
The only thing you need to change are your thoughts.
When you change your thoughts,
that changes your feelings, your beliefs,
your actions, your behavior.
It changes your life. Join me
in my challenge, my '21-Day Confidence Challenge,'
so I can wire that and fire that
and code that into you for the rest of your life.