Hey there, it's Clay with modernlove.life and this is Relationship Inner Game.
Now this is going to be video three on a series of videos that we are creating on how to really
connect on a deeper level with your ex.
And specifically this video is going to answer the question of how to act around your ex.
And whenever somebody asks me, how should I act around my ex, my instinctive reaction
is to tell them, don't act around your ex.
And the reason that I say that is because oftentimes people try to put on this act,
this display around their ex to try and see, oh, so cool.
You know, when, when actually they're like freaking out inside or nervous as hell or
something like that.
And they want to, you know, come across as like, you know, the Alpha Male or the person
who doesn't care at all.
But, but really the most important thing for you to do is not to put on an act around your
ex.
The most important thing for you to do is to be completely genuine and authentic and
forthright with whatever your experience is.
Now, there are a lot of ways that people can absolutely screw this up.
You know, for example, the whole begging and pleading and promising you'll change and saying,
"Oh, I'll do anything to get back together with you" kind of stuff.
Although it is vulnerable, it's not exactly a kind of vulnerability that is really desirable
to display to someone else because that vulnerability is using the other person as a means to an
end for you to get what you want.
So for example, if I want to feel happy and you need to get back together with me in order
for me to feel happy and I come to you and say like, "I want you to get back together
with me so that I can feel happy again," that's not going to feel good to the other person
that's going to make them want to pull away because they don't think that I actually care
about their wellbeing.
They think that I'm just using them as a means to an end to feel better about myself.
Okay, so that is not the kind of vulnerability, not the kind of transparency that you want
to have with your ex.
What you want to do is you want to think about what it is you actually care about.
So for example, a lot of people will say, well, I just want to get back together with
my ex, but the real truth is that you probably don't just want to be back together in a relationship
with your ex.
You probably don't want to just go onto Facebook and you know, update your status to "in a
relationship" with the person I used to call my ex, you probably want to actually have
that connection, that closeness, that romance, that passion, that spark, that fire that the
two of you had when you were together.
And if that's what you really want, then just go for that.
And don't obsess over like the, you know, the relationship that you think is going to
get you that.
Because I can tell you there are a lot of people that are in relationships right now
that don't have passion, they don't have a all have this desire and drive and romance
and all of these other things that maybe you think you might get if you were back together
with your ex, don't after the fake prize of like trying to be in the relationship, but
go after what it is you really want and when you interact with your ex, just be open and
honest and forthright about that.
Okay.
And uh, you know, there are all kinds of things that people might worry about when it comes
to running into their acts in public or something like that.
And absolutely in cases like that, don't worry about putting on an act.
Don't worry about trying to seem cool.
Don't worry about anything weird like that.
It's just going to come across as kind of contrived.
Just as like a sort of a side story.
Many years ago I ran into my ex at the grocery store, actually my friends and I were going
to leave for a camping trip the next day and I had just gone to the grocery store that
night to pick up some little random things that we needed for our trip, you know, hot
dogs and marshmallows and stuff like that for s'mores.
And it was late at night so there was only one register open at the grocery store.
And I was going around this corner and BOOM, there was my ex and we didn't see each other
or she didn't see me, but I saw her and so I was like, I gotta get outta here.
So I went and I got into that line to just buy the things I needed to get out of there.
And as I was in line and as the clerk was ringing up all my things, my ex gets in line
behind me with her new, actually fiance.
We were just like kind of pretending not to notice each other because by that point she
actually could see me and was aware of me.
And so it was just like this really awkward thing and then I just got in my car and left
and then went back home so that I could finish preparing for the camping trip.
And then like weird stuff happened like she was...
She somehow got her fiance to follow me home and it was like totally weird.
But anyway, don't do that.
Don't do that.
Don't try to act cool.
Don't try to act like you didn't see your ex.
Don't try to put on some sort of like, oh, I didn't notice you were there.
Go Away.
Don't put on any kind of BS.
Act like that.
Just be 100 percent open, honest and forthright about how you actually feel in a good, positive
way without using your ex as a means to an end.
Okay?
So that is how you should act if you were going to act around your ex, but don't act.
Just be completely honest and open and forthright about who you are and what your experience
is.
Okay?
So if you're watching this video on YouTube, what I'd like you to do is to head down below
and click on a link in the description that'll take you to a website called RelationshipInnerGame.com,
and you can go ahead and fill out this short little painless survey.
It'll take you about 30 seconds or so, just telling me a little bit about your breakup,
your relationship, and what you want to happen, and then I'll just start sending you some
advice and strategies and tips on what to do in your situation.
If on the other hand, you are already on our email newsletter and you're seeing this video
on our website, modernlove.life Just go ahead and click down below and there should be a
link that'll take you to another page on our website that'll tell you more about how to
have deeper, stronger, more powerful, more potent, more impactful emotional connections
with your ex.
They'll actually bring the two of you closer together again.
Okay.
Anyway, this has been Clay with modernlove.life.
This has been Relationship Inner Game, and if you liked this video, please go ahead and
give it a "like" and go ahead and leave a comment down below letting me know what types
of videos you'd like to see us make in the future.
Anyway, take care.
I'll see you next time.