Hey, it’s Kirby time! Also Dedede time, because he’s back here going on about his motivationless hatred for Kirby.
Still not getting a reason, not even a vague one.
Kirby’s not threatening his power, he won’t get any money out of killing him, and- wait…
That would have made a perfectly buyable motive right there.
We know Dedede is greedy, he is in the games,
so NME offering him a large sum of money or reward for the death of Kirby,
that would’ve fixed my whining nerd rage right there.
But oh well, he just has a Dib-like hatred of aliens, I guess.
I feel like I’m repeating myself,
but if this show just keeps going on about Dedede’s hatred of Kirby with no explanation, I’m gonna keep bitching about it.
So, Dedede’s gotta show up some children because he’s just real insecure, I guess,
so GUESS WHAT, time to order a MONSTER.
This crap’s gonna happen every episode so just get used to me saying it.
By the time we get to episode 90-something, it’ll just be white noise.
King Dedede wants a monster to just obliterate Kirby of the face of the planet.
Like, he wants his remains to be non-identifiable as a corpse.
So, NME Sales-dude says he’s going to send him famous boss from the games, Kracko.
R-Really? We’re blowing Kracko on episode 4?
You sure you don’t want to save him for, like, later in the series, make the stakes a little higher?
Okay, I know you’re not just gonna go and kill Kirby, but children watching in 2003 might not,
but I think they can at least guess you’re not gonna kill Kirby after just a month of being on the air.
Also, Meta Knight is being a sneaky blueberry man, and overhears Kracko being ordered.
Tuff: "Hey, Meta Knight how’s it goin’?"
Meta Knight: "Very badly."
Tuff: "Hmm?"
Tuff, just assume Meta Knight, the war veteran who watched all his friends die
and is now serving under a horrible tyrant just isn’t ever going to be having a very good day.
Meta Knight says they gotta go find Tiff and Kirby, so that’s what they're doin’.
Oh God, it’s Tokkori.
Look at him.
Doing his... little things.
Flapping his disgusting wings.
So horrible he’s making me sympathize with constant downer, Tiff.
So, Tiff came over to probe Kirby for answers to questions she has,
despite him being here long enough for her to realize that he’s not going talk in any meaningful way.
Tiff: "Kirby doesn't understand what you're saying anyway!"
She’s surprised that he acts like a baby,
even though it’s been very well established that he is, in fact, a baby.
Then a big ol’ scary CGI thunderstorm comes to wreck their shit up.
And does so for a few long minutes.
Yup, running from lightning,
let’s spend a good portion of the episode on that.
Then Dedede and Escargoon have an exchange that perfectly sums up my viewing experience of this show.
Dedede: "That's Kirby! Let's watch this!"
Escargoon: "Why not? I got nothin' better to do."
Okay, back to being attacked by lightning.
Dedede and Escargoon landed in water, and got struck by lightning while in said water.
I’m sorry, but they're dead.
Okay, I know it’s doofy cartoon logic, fine, but if Kracko’s lightning is just a bee sting to Escargoon and Dedede,
then why should we be afraid for Kirby’s life when his powers have been proven to be pretty non-fatal?
So, Kirby is hiding under this bridge, that appears to be the one Kracko-proof area.
Good plan.
Then Tiff goes to Kaabu, and asks for help.
But finds Meta Knight there, who I guess gave up on his search for Kirby
even though he said he was in a lot of danger.
Remember that? How he was joining Tuff in looking for Tiff and Kirby?
This is actually an error invoked from the dub script,
as in the original, Meta Knight just told Tuff to go warn Kirby, and was not involved at all.
Turns out he got distracted because he saw Tiff brought the Warp Star here and had to stare at it for awhile.
They say she brought it there to keep it safe, out here in this open public space with no doors.
Tiff is demanding answers about Kirby,
but Meta Knight ain’t havin’ any of that without a fucking please.
No, Kirby! Don’t leave the bridge!
That was the one place Kracko couldn’t get you!
You’re a fool, Kirby!
Seriously, the second he gets out from under the bridge, Kracko starts up with the zapping again.
Why did you leave the bridge?!
Then we go back to Meta Knight and Tiff, with Meta Knight explaining
that this storm is a monster named Kracko that Dedede ordered.
Meta Knight offers a kind-of explanation for why Dedede hates Kirby,
saying that he’s “jealous and suspicious of Kirby.”
Jealous of what, exactly? That people like him?
Because that’s an easy fix, just don’t go on racist sexist rants on Twitter
and don’t be an octopus monster ordering dick, and you’ll be a-okay.
Then Meta Knight explains what Nightmare Enterprises, aka NME is.
And the show does this annoying thing where they call Nightmare “eNeMeE.”
Meta Knight: "It was created thousands of years ago by one known as eNeMeE."
This isn’t just some dub name change, like Fumu to Tiff,
this is just them getting the name of the final boss from the game this show is promoting wrong.
I’m gonna call him Nightmare, because… that’s what his name is.
So, Nightmare makes monsters,
this was widely regarded as a dick move, so an army of Star Warriors formed.
However, Nightmare’s army was really really big and killed every Star Warrior except Meta Knight,
and that’s why he was banned from tournaments.
Meta Knight goes on to explain that he had this spark of hope that he wouldn’t be the last Star Warrior,
and went to Dream Land because Star Warrior ships lead Warriors to where monsters are.
He hoped that young warriors would find Dream Land as well.
Tiff is excited because Meta Knight was right, a young warrior did come here!
Meta Knight replies by saying a lot of things
that he really shouldn’t know if he didn’t know entirely about Kirby beforehand.
He says Kirby wasn’t supposed to wake up for another two-hundred years,
when he’d presumably be old enough to understand, you know, most words, and be able to learn effectively.
But he knows that Kirby has great natural abilities, but will require all the help he can get to develop properly.
Which leads me into my stupid clone theory again.
Point one. How did Meta Knight know Kirby even existed in the first place?
He speaks of Kirby not as a supposed warrior that might come,
but as a warrior in a stasis of sorts that will absolutely find Dream Land.
How would he know about that if he didn’t know about Kirby beforehand
and had something to do with his ship navigating itself to Dream Land?
He sure knew specifically how long Kirby would be in stasis,
and knew he’d emerge more mature and be able to think and talk.
And I’m not going to question the logic of how he would learn to speak or fight if he’s missing most to all of his child development years.
I don’t think that science logic exists here.
The point is, Meta Knight sure had it in his head for a long time about, uh,
where Kirby would be and when exactly he should be waking up.
Tiff: "You were right Meta Knight! Kirby came here!"
Meta Knight: "Yes. But too soon."
"Kirby was not scheduled to awaken for another 200 years."
Point two. He is a complete expert on all of Kirby’s abilities, and knows he has good instincts,
and is aware of how his warp star works.
You could easily guess away some of this as “Meta Knight had something to do with the planning of Kirby,”
but there’s nothing solid to suggest that he’s related to him in any sense.
But see, Meta Knight is fully aware of what Kirby is capable of, even at this young age.
IN THE GAAAAAAAAAAAAAME
they are of the same species, and there is never any indication otherwise in the show,
so I’m gonna assume the same applies here.
I already went over why they’re different colors in my last Kirby Breakdown,
in that they’re pink when they’re young, and turn a different color as they get older.
But man, Meta Knight is just laying it all out there, he just knows near everything about Kirby.
Tiff: "Then Kirby IS just a baby..."
Meta Knight: "Yes. But luckily, he has great natural abilities."
Tiff: "Then you are going to help Kirby, aren't you?"
Meta Knight: "My help will not be enough to make him a warrior."
"Kirby will also need your help."
"The Warp Star is the source of Kirby's power, he has only to see it to get his power."
"It can only be kept safe by one who truly loves and cares for him."
He knows 99% of his copy powers, what he can do, what he’s capable of at this age.
This is why I’m not going with the more conventional, “Kirby, I am your father” theory,
because you’d have half of someone else’s genes floating around in Kirby, and therefore,
Meta Knight couldn’t have such specific expectations of this kid.
And that’s just unnecessary and unfair pressure to dump onto this 3-year-old.
And we are never given any form of indication of who a possible mother would be,
it would have to be some normal woman, since all the Star Warriors were dead,
and so Meta Knight couldn’t know how much Star Warrior DNA got into Kirby,
or the amplitude of his abilities.
For Meta Knight to clone himself, this greatest Star Warrior, and the only one left,
he’d know that Kirby would have the strength to bring Nightmare’s monsters down and survive.
All he didn’t know is that the ship would wake him up earlier than planned,
but nothing about Kirby himself is a surprise at all to Meta Knight.
This is all just... basic information to him.
And as stated previously, um, this never goes anywhere.
It’d be one thing if I was straight-up wrong, and that’s not what happened,
Kirby isn’t his clone, but perhaps rather just everyone in their species is this powerful,
and this was maybe another Star Warrior’s baby that had to be sent off, and Meta Knight was tasked with keeping him safe,
But all of this stuff about Meta Knight knowing everything about Kirby,
knowing his abilities, his ship’s intended schedule, this just never comes up in the series again.
WHY?
Did it get vetoed for adding too much lore that was unrelated to the games?
And would maybe confuse new players.
I mean think about it, Kirby being Meta Knight’s clone in this continuity
would address one of my biggest nerd nitpicks about this version of Meta Knight.
Why doesn’t he have the wings?
Well, because Kirby doesn’t have wings,
and if Kirby is Meta Knight’s clone in this continuity, then it wouldn’t make much sense if Meta Knight had wings and Kirby didn’t.
I don’t know why nothing about this ever really comes up again, it’s just forgotten later on,
aside from Meta Knight popping up to exclaim what kind of copy ability Kirby has this week.
Even if I’m right, and it did have to get pulled for being too different from the games,
you could have addressed it differently.
I feel like I’d like a disappointing answer rather than no answer at all.
Alright, alright, I’m done. Oh god, I talked forever,
let’s just… yeah, let’s just skip ahead a little here.
Okay, fight time.
We finally see Kracko who is lookin’ good and like his game counterpart, how nice.
He is zapping the shit out of Kirby, so Kirby does that thing he can do and swallows the lightning.
Which obviously makes him…
Sword Kirby!
[confused groaning noises]
huh....
Jeez, if you didn’t want it to be Spark Kirby,
you could've at least made it Beam Kirby,
since Kracko shoots out Waddle Doos,
which give you that ability in the games.
And since a singular Waddle Doo is a character,
I’d excuse a lightning bolt giving him the Beam Ability entirely.
I can make compromises, show.
I'm here for this. I’m here for what you wanna do in your new continuity.
But it's gotta make some semblance of sense.
I'm down for taking a few creative liberties with the powers.
All I ask is that you make sense within yourself.
Especially since we already established Sword Kirby in the PREVIOUS EPISODE.
But maybe they didn’t know which one would air first, I don’t know, why am I still talking?
So, Kirby slices up a cloud, and he explodes, and this anime just blew their Kracko load on episode four
and they don’t even have him regenerate later or have Nightmare make a new one,
we don’t even get to see Kracko Jr.
And um, and that’s basically it, actually!
So, the end! See you next time when we meet Whispy Woods,
which should have been like 50 levels before Kracko, but WHATEVER MAN.
♪ I think I'm a clone now ♪
♪ 'Cause every chromosone is a hand-me-down ♪