♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK TO
OUR "COLBERT QUESTIONNAIRE"
EXTRAVAGANZ-ERT.
I HOPE YOU'VE BEEN PLAYING ALONG AT HOME TO FIND OUT IF
YOU'RE MORE OF A TOM HANKS OR A MERYLL STREEP.
AND IF IT TURNS OUT YOU'RE EITHER ONE OF THEM, COME
BACK ON MY SHOW!
I'M A HUGE FAN.
NEXT UP: THE ONE, AND PRESUMABLY ONLY, GEORGE CLOONEY.
GEORGE, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE, ALWAYS A PLEASURE,
SECOND TIME I'VE HAD YOU IN SIX YEARS.
THE PACE IS REALLY PICKING UP.
I RARELY GET TO TALK WITH YOU.
AND IN TV INTERVIEWS, IT'S SOMETIMES HARD TO GET TO THE
CORE OF A GUEST IN A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME.
BUT, OBVIOUSLY, THAT'S MY JOB.
SO WHAT WE'VE DEVISED HERE AT THE SHOW IS A WAY TO GET THE
ESSENCE OF A GUEST IN JUST 15 QUESTIONS.
IT'S CALLED THE "COLBERT QUESTIONNAIRE."
GEORGE CLOONEY, ARE YOU READY TO SIT FOR THE QUESTIONNAIRE?
>> I AM, STEPHEN.
I'M READY.
>> Stephen: OKAY, HERE WE GO.
NUMBER ONE, GEORGE CLOONEY WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH?
>> I LIKE A HAM SANDWICH.
>> Stephen: JUST-- JUST HAM?
YOU DON'T WANT-- >> OH, YOU MEAN THE WHOLE THING.
HAM, LETTUCE, TOMATO, A LITTLE MUSTARD ON IT, A LITTLE TOASTED.
MAYBE A POTATO BREAD.
>> Stephen: VERY SIMILAR ANSWER TO MR. HANKS.
OKAY, WHAT'S THE ONE THING YOU OWN THAT YOU REALLY SHOULD THROW
OUT?
>> UHM...
MY FLOWBEE, APPARENTLY.
I SHOULD THROW IT OUT.
>> Stephen: WUF BEEN DOING YOUR OWN LANDSCAPING?
>> FOR A WHILE NOW.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S THE SCARIEST ANIMAL, GEORGE?
>> SCARIEST ANIMAL.
IN THE SAFARI WORLD, WHICH I DID FINALLY GO ON ONE OF THESE?
THE HIPPO.
NOBODY-- THE HIPPO IS THE ONE THAT WILL GET YOU.
>> Stephen: YEAH, THAT'S TRUE.
>> THE HIPPO.
>> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES, GEORGE?
>> OH, APPLES.
>> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY, BECAUSE YOU CAN PUT PEANUT BUTTER ON A
SLICE OF APPLE.
>> YOU CAN DO ANYTHING WITH AN APPLE.
YOU CAN MAKE A BONG OUT OF AN APPLE.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: THANK YOU!
THANK YOU!
YOU KNOW-- >> TELL THAT TO YOUR KIDS.
>> Stephen: I THINK IT'S WAY TOO LATE.
OKAY, HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR AUTOGRAPH?
>> YES.
MANY PEOPLE.
I WAS-- GREW UP IN CINCINNATI.
I WAS A HUGE CINCINNATI REDS BASEBALL FAN.
I HAVE JOHNNY BENCH'S SIGNATURE.
I HAVE JOE MORGAN'S SIGNATURE.
I HAVE PETE ROSE'S SIGNATURE ON BASEBALL.
>> Stephen: WOW, WOW.
WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE, GEORGE?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
I WAS ALWAYS, FOR ME, NOT A PARTICULARLY RELIGIOUS GUY.
I WAS RAISED CATHOLIC, AS UPPER.
AND I-- I EVENTUALLY SORT OF MOVED AWAY FROM THAT FOR ME.
NOT QUESTIONING OTHER PEOPLE'S RELIGION, JUST QUESTIONIN MY
OWN SORT OF BELIEFS.
BUT AS I GET OLDER, I START RENEGOTIATING THINGS A LITTLE
BIT.
AND I... AND YOU START THINKING, WELL, MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING.
( LAUGHS ) MAYBE THERE'S A-- MAYBE THERE'S
A BAR SOMEWHERE WHERE YOU CAN JUST HANG.
>> Stephen: I LIKE THAT.
>> I'M RENEGOTIATING AS A AGE.
>> Stephen: ANOTHER GOOD.
FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE.
>> FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE.
THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
ALL RIGHT, LET ME THINK QUICKLY, WHAT'S ONE I JUST ABSOLUTELY
LOVE.
I STILL DIG "DIEHARD AM SM BRUCE WILLIS WAS SO GREAT IN THAT
SERIES, THE FIRST ONE IN PARTICULAR.
>> Stephen: SIDE QUESTION, NOT ON THE CARD, IS "DIE HARD" A
CHRISTMAS MOVIE?
>> ABSOLUTELY NOT.
IT IS NOT.
>> Stephen: WOW, YOU REALIZE THAT IS A CONTROVERSIAL ANSWER.
>> I KNOW.
BUT IT ISN'T.
>> Stephen: IT'S BEEN ESTABLISHED IN THE CANON OF
CHRISTMAS MOVIES, "DIE HARD."
IF YOU GO TO NETFLIX AND SEARCH "CHRISTMAS MOVIES" I ( BLEEP )
NOT, "DIE HARD" WILL BE ONE OF THE ANSWERS.
>> CHRISTMAS MOVIES ARE FOR THE FAMILY TO GATHER AROUND AND
CELEBRATE BEING TOGETHER AND CELEBRATE LIFE AND, YOU KNOW,
AND LOVE.
"DIE HARD" SAY SPECTACULAR FILM, AS I JUST PICKED IT AS MY ACTION
FILM.
BUT "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE" IS YOUR CHRISTMAS MOVIE.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU SAYING YOU DON'T WANT TO SIT AROUND WITH
THE WHOLE FAMILY WITH THE KIDS AND GRANDMA AND WATCH HANS
GRUBER FALL OFF OF NOKATOMI PLAZA?
>> I'LL TEA YOU WHY.
AND THIS IS AN IMPORTANT THING.
GRANDMA IS DEAD.
>> Stephen: THAT WOULD BE DIFFICULT.
>> MAYBE THAT'S THE AFTERLIFE.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
>> UHM...
I SUPPOSE WE HAVE-- WHAT'S IT CALLED?
WE HAVE A FLOWER HERE.
LAVENDER.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> LAVENDER IS MY FAVORITE SMELL.
WE HAVE LAVENDER ALL AROUND THE HOUSE.
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
>> Stephen: SUPPOSE TO BE VERY RELAXING.
LEAST-FAVORITE SMELL?
>> OLD LAVENDER, WHICH WAS THE NAME OF MY FIRST DOG.
LEAST-FAVORITE SMELL.
WELL, LOOK, I WILL BE VERY STRAIGHT WITH YOU.
MY CHILDREN STILL WEAR NAPPIES SOME, NOT ALL THE TIME, NOT
DURING THE DAY -- >> Stephen: IN AMERICA, WE
CALL THEM DIAPERS.
IN ENGLAND THEY'RE NAPPIES.
YOU NEED TO BE CONSISTENT, GEORGE.
>> I'M IN ENGLAND RIGHT NOW.
YOU KNOW, WHEN IN ROME.
AND I WILL TELL YOU, ONCE THEY GOT ON TO SOLID FOOD, I DON'T
KNOW WHAT HAPPENS FROM HERE TO HERE, BUT SOMETHING-- I MEAN, IT
WAS SHOCKING, THAT SMELL, YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: I KNOW THAT SMELL.
EXERCISE.
WORTH IT?
>> ABSOLUTELY.
I DO TEFER DAY.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
FLAT OR SPARKLING?
>> SPARKLING.
I LIKE A LITTLE LIFT.
>> Stephen: EXACTLY.
THAT'S THE RIGHT ANSWER.
MOST-USED APP ON YOUR PHONE.
>> MOST OF THE-USED-- IN L.A., WAZE TO GET AROUND.
>> Stephen: GOOD, OKAY.
YOU GET ONE SONG TO LISTEN TO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT
IS IT?
>> UHM, "ALWAYS."
♪ I'LL BE LOVING YOU ALWAYS ♪ WITH A LOVE THAT'S TRUE ALWAYS
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SONG.
IT'S MY MOM AND DAD'S LOVE SONG.
>> Stephen: WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF?
>> SEVEN.
>> Stephen: NO.
DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORDS.
>> CLEANING UP AFTER MY KIDS.
>> Stephen: GEORGE CLOONEY, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU, GEORGE.
YOU ARE NOW KNOWN.
CONGRATULATIONS.
>> THANK YOU FOR THAT.
THANKS AGAIN, GEORGE!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY THE MOUNTAIN
GOATS.