Heya playa, have you ever wondered what's the best way to ask a girl out?
Should you be direct, tell like her and just ask her out right then and there or should
you be a bit more indirect, get to know her better, and then eventually ask for a date
I've done both so I want to share my experience and help you figure
out what's going to work best for you in approaching a girl that you like.
Right off the bat, you might be thinking direct is the best way to go.
You've probably seen a bunch of videos on YouTube already of guys walking up to girls
in coffee shops and bookstores and on the street and just telling them that they like them and
asking them out and magically it works out for them, so it's got to be the right way, right?
Now I'm not here to speculate whether or not those videos are real or staged,
in the end, it doesn't really matter.
Being direct does have its pros and cons and it's important to know both.
Walking up to a random girl, telling her that you think she's cute,
and then asking her out then and there definitely is going to display a level of
confidence that she's not used to seeing but it does have one major drawback.
You're not really taking the scenario of what's going on into account.
You're kind of putting yourself in the center stage.
You see for most people when they're out and about
they're kind of focused on the tasks that they set out to do.
They're going to the grocery store, they're going to pick up a coffee, they're heading to the gym,
their minds are kind of in that mode where this is the thing that they're doing so when
someone comes in and just disrupts that it can kind of push them back a little bit.
From your perspective, you feel super courageous.
Let's say you're just walking around Walmart,
you spot a cute girl and you decide yeah I'm gonna go up to her and talk to her.
When you do that you're gonna pat yourself on the back because you did
something good but from her perspective, it's actually a totally different story.
She might be super focused on buying new bed sheets because her cat peed
all over her other ones and now this guy just randomly walked up to her,
told her she's cute, and asked her out and she doesn't really know what to make of it
because she's in Walmart for the purpose of shopping and not flirting and dating.
And so always taking the direct approach may lead you to believe that anytime,
anywhere it's always fair game to ask a girl out no matter what the conditions are.
And something you need to recognize is that if you
do take that approach you should expect a lot more rejection.
We want to believe that if we're just direct and upfront with every single
girl that we find cute then we're going to approach more girls and we're going
to have a higher success rate but it actually ends up being the opposite.
Like I said, you're gonna end up approaching more girls in random scenarios where their
minds are focused on a task and they're going to actually say no because you're
not approaching them in a moment when they want to really be approached.
Indirectly approaching someone also carries its own pros and cons.
Let's say you're at a party where there's a bunch of mutual friends,
people that kind of all know each other but you spot someone that you want to talk to.
Well you have a reason to talk to them.
You're both at that party, it's a social gathering and you probably know a few of the same people.
Environments like this where you have mutual friends in common or you go to the
same school or have a similar interest work well for people who may not feel
super confident in just approaching someone and sharing how they feel.
If you're someone that tends to be a bit more nervous or shy around the person that
they like, you might default to this position because it's the safe one.
You could take time to get to know them and see
how they feel before you express your own feelings.
Now the major drawback here is that a lot of times being indirect doesn't let
that person know you actually like them so you might miss an actual opportunity
to spark a new romance with them simply because you're waiting.
Yes, you're going to experience a lot less rejection upfront but you
may actually invest a lot of time and energy into someone only to find out
much later on that they don't feel the same way and that can actually hurt a lot more.
Speaking as someone who's tried both methods, I truly feel like the best way
to navigate approaching someone that you like is a mixture of direct and indirect, let me explain.
In the past when I would approach girls directly I did end up telling them that
I thought they were cute and I wanted to go out with them but it was only
after I found a point of connection with them which is the key piece.
I would start a conversation that would be a little bit more indirect.
I talk about something going on around us or I'd ask a question about something
on my mind that was relevant to where we were and in the process of talking
to that girl and asking questions I'd find that common point of connection.
Once that was established and I realized, hey we both have this in common and I make that clear
to her, I say that, then I would express that I thought she was cute and I wanted to ask her out.
But asking her out wasn't "hey let's go on a date right here and now".
It was because we have this thing in common, let's center our date around that topic.
So that date might have been something like let's find the
best place to get ice cream in this neighborhood or there's a
landmark that everyone talks about but I've never actually visited before.
Something that's relevant to both of us that is casual in nature but is now fueled by the
fact that I think she's attractive because we have something in common.
So I wasn't just putting my feelings on full blast right then and there and just leaving it to her to
figure out what she wanted to do and it wasn't tiptoeing around the issue, just kind of making
it seem like we were casual friends and I just wanted to hang out when I actually liked her.
You need to take the strongest elements from both sides in order to have the
best chance of approaching someone that you like but I will say this.
If you're someone that always takes a direct approach and just tells girls how you feel
and if they say no you just shoo them away, try to take an indirect approach once in a while.
Try to take time to get to know them to find that common point of
interest to see what you guys have in common before you ask them out.
And if you're someone that safely always takes an indirect approach, try doing the opposite.
Try to be more expressive about how you feel,
don't be afraid to kind of put those feelings out on display.
Yes, they may say no and it may sting but you're going to be more confident in who you are and your
courage is going to build up exponentially because you're putting yourself out there.
I'm curious though, what do you think is the best way to approach a girl, directly or indirectly?
Leave your comments down below and we'll talk about it.
And if you want to hear some of my dating stories,
my successes and failures, definitely check out the video over there on the side.
It's going to link to a playlist with all the stories that I've shared about all the
things I've gone through when it comes to dating.
It's it's it's it's worth checking out.
On that note, I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.