Come on.
I want to hear the story.
Let's say we all got locked up. No, I'm not.
I'm not. Hold on.
Right now, we all want the pressure.
OK we got our own room.
Can I or teresa?
Can you.
That wasn't fun.
That wasn't funny.
Yeah, you know.
Take I'm hot.
I'm sweating under this blanket.
know, once a blanket comes on.
Yeah, I do things.
You do things, my hands go.
And, you know, I was.
Let's keep the blanket on Jody and yourself.
Every year. Which is nice.
My sister did this or ever since my mom passed away.
He keeps the family together.
We all get together and we go for into the City
to go to a play or we go do something all together.
So we take separate cars.
So I'm driving home and now it's still before Christmas.
And I got my nephew, my nephew Benny,
you know, my nephew Benny.
So I got him, I got my son Frankie in the car
and I got my daughter come in from the City
I take on Route 17.
That was triple X stores, 17 triple X stores.
You went on a triple X store.
So I take the kids, we go, they can buy my sister a vibrator.
That whole hell are you buying his mother a vibrator?
That is pretty sick.
No, his older sister.
That's like.
But we wrap it up.
But my sister.
I think it's.
Even your sister gave you the nephew.
It's my sister.
Oh, my God. What?
Where's this conversation going? My nephew.
For his opinion.
So would you say what color?
Purple what do you say?
He's going to love purple.
So?
so now we go to a whole family's over.
Now we're opening gifts, and I see him give her the gift.
He gave her a gift in front of everybody.
I thought it was just going to be all right
when he gives you the gift tax.
I'm sick, bestie.
Is my sister's happy, you know, normally she's buying
all the gifts for everybody.
You got me a gift.
Yeah, but the worst thing, which I didn't anticipate
is my sister's in-laws are.
They're much better watching their stories, getting better.
All right, so I thought I was open something,
and she don't know.
It is at first.
But then I realize she realizes what
it is when she sees the packaging and she's like,
what the.
All right, all right, my.
And I'm like, why are you looking at me?
All right.
But the best is her mother-in-law sitting
here just going like this.
Check your head.
Needless to say, the rest of the Christmas dinner that day
was very awkward.
Very awkward.
Do you still pay for his therapist damage now?
No, he isn't.
He he is a resemblance of me.
But I gotta be honest, you know, he's a chip.
He's a chip off the block.
It's a resemblance of him.
Right a disbarred attorney.
Oh, here we go.
I thought this is supposed to be fun.
It's fun.
He knows he's jealous.
As bad as it may sound, because I'm buying
a vibrator for my sister.
Now, hold on. He's jealous.
You know why?
Why? because I still talk to my sister.
I am jealous. I'm jealous.
I am.
I am. have a great relationship with your sister.
Yes, I do.
And I do. You know what?
Because you bought her a vibrator.
I never bought my sister vibrator.
No, no, not my sister.
It was a cake with a file in it.
All right, all right, all right.
OK all right.
Jersey, stop.
That's this was about I was like 24 years old.
Right start losing my hair in that year.
Right so I had a buzz on my head.
Oh, Yeah.
I buzzed my hair.
Yeah, I was before I was losing it up hair.
And so I shaved my head and it really didn't
flow the way it flows now.
It was awkward to me.
I was very insecure.
I was a real estate developer, as you remember.
Sure, I remember.
And we were building in this town.
This was Patterson, new Jersey, where I grew up.
Yeah so.
And they would have these events at the brownstone,
and it was around holiday time.
It was Christmas time.
So everyone buys.
Brings each other about.
Everyone brings each other.
The men.
Yeah, that was 14 captains.
The mayor was there, the council man.
Everybody is in the room.
This billionaire comes out and he had this guy
was about 67 years old.
He was older, but he had a lot of hair.
A lot of his hair was amazing and he look a lot younger.
But he was old and he comes, he goes, I have a gift
that I want to give, Mr Gorga.
There you go.
And he had it all wrapped up.
And he comes down and I'm in front of everybody.
Now There's like 30 people in the room private.
And he gives me this. Good can I go?
Because you're a special.
This is for you.
So I opened this box I love and I go, yeah, I'm man.
I open it up.
It's a blow dryer.
Messed up.
I was like this. I was.
Are you serious? I was embarrassed.
I wasn't even married. I was.
I was. I was in, like.
In like like I didn't know what to do.
Right?
it's like they cut your penis off and you had no penis,
and you went in a room with a bunch of women,
and you're like, show me your penis.
And you come out looking like Frank catania, my thing.
I gotta be honest.
It's embarrassing.
That's a stretch.
I can't imagine.
I feel, you know, I can be honest here.
I would never thought of that analogy, Joe.
I'm looking at him and he's like, do you like it?
And he has this band, right?
Yeah this just happened to me.
Like, everyone's, like, sitting there with everybody stunned.
Everyone's sitting like, look at this.
It was the most awkward moment.
No one laughed.
I would have beat him to a pulp.
Oh, no, I did not.
I was.
I was listening.
It was a moment because I lost.
I was losing my hair and just buzzed my.
No, no, it was one of my worst.
This may be the first time in my life.
It's like a public humiliation. First time in my life.
I feel bad for you.
Wait, wait.
You're you cut that wrong, you're not in the middle
is on the angle again.
OK it's actually all I remember the last time.
Smile smile. For him.
It's always been the side.
Try to talk like this.
So my thing in the middle is a straight point
he throws right here that drops down to the point.
He knows you got to hit that straight.
You're you're about you're going to look
at your teeth quarter underneath one, but not the middle.
I've never been this close to you guys.
And now I was, he realized see a lot of imperfections.
Well, I'm not even picking. I'm not happy.
I'm not happy.
I thought you were good looking, man.
I'm not happy underneath a blanket with you right now.
But I'm here, so let's just go in.
Mars is real hard to buy for.
She's impossible because everything she wants,
she sees it. She buys it.
He can't buy anything.
There's no surprises.
And then I see this obscure ad, some artist
paints really nice oil paintings, your wife
or whoever you want.
The artist managed to get Marge's face perfect,
got her body the whole deal.
She's sitting in the car like this convertible old car.
So Christmas time, she opens it up.
And Marge is like.
She looks like.
Who got this?
He sure is.
She didn't like it.
She was horrified.
That looks like the Sharon Stone movie.
And basic instinct.
Your basic instinct should have been throw
that right in the garbage.
What's your take?
Myself I think that's what he's upset right away.
You think they want that?
That's, like, personalized, man.
I agree, but they don't want that.
You think they want a pitcher?
They got 2000 pictures.
I appreciate a nice gift from Beyonce,
but I get more out of giving gifts to somebody.
All right.
I do, too.
Happy holidays, everybody.
Happy holidays. Happy holidays.
God bless to you and your families.
We wish you nothing.
The best to everyone.
God bless you and have an incredible 2023.
Right one, two, three, everybody.
Happy holidays.
Love you.
Guess that.
And Natalya.
Natalie means Christmas is with Giuseppe Gorga.
I'm Joe gorga, sitting with Grandpa.
No, no, grandma.
No, no.
Oh, my God.
You're funny.
That's right.
I am.