-Welcome, everybody.
Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show"!
You're here! You're watching!
[ Cheers and applause ]
We're indoors. [ Laughter ]
Yeah. It is scorching hot outside today.
Yeah, it's even hotter in here
because Ryan Gosling is my guest tonight.
-Oh! [ Cheers and applause ]
-I'm so excited that Ryan's here.
I just hope that we can patch up our friendship
after he stole my look.
[ Laughter ] I was just...
Yep, Ryan's here to talk about his new movie, "The Gray Man,"
which comes out at Netflix -- at midnight tonight on Netflix.
Yeah. The movie also stars Regé-Jean Page...
[ Audience "Oohs" ]
...and Chris Evans.
[ Cheers and applause ]
So, if you have plans with your girlfriend
this weekend, you don't.
[ Laughter ]
Well, the big news is still the extreme heat
that continues to slam millions of people across the world.
I mean, it is so hot outside.
This is crazy. You're not gonna believe this.
But everything in Times Square is melted
except the M&M's Store. [ Laughter ]
Until one person puts it in their mouth, then it's all over.
-Not in their hand.
-Yeah, it is brutally hot out there.
Apparently, we added a new season.
Now there's fall, winter, spring, summer, and air fryer.
[ Laughter ]
I wish I could say the heat is going to ease up,
but the weekend forecast looks even worse.
Check this out. On Friday, they're saying
it's gonna be 97 degrees.
Saturday, over 100. [ Audience groans ]
And on Sunday, it's just a picture of the sun
giving the finger. -Oh, my --
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Do you believe that? -Double bird.
-Isn't that insane? The double bird.
[ Applause ]
-Wow.
-Yeah, the country is dealing with
record-breaking temperatures.
I saw that the local news did a helpful story
about ways to beat the heat. Listen to this.
-And with the city under a heat alert,
experts are urging people to keep safe.
-Yeah, we've got some tips to help you stay cool
on hot days like today.
If you can, you should avoid the outdoors
from 11:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m., stay hydrated,
put ice cubes on your nipples,
limit the use of your oven, yell, "Nothing!"
when your wife walks in and says,
"What are you doing with those ice cubes?"
Frantically, pop the ice cubes in your mouth and say,
"I have to go...do our taxes."
And finally, turn on the A.C. if you got one.
-Yeah. See? There's good tips right there.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Switching gears. Everyone's talking about this.
Today, the White House announced that President Biden
has a mild case of COVID.
On the bright side, it's the first positive news
Biden's gotten in months. [ Laughter ]
Hey, I read that, tomorrow, former President Trump
and Mike Pence are holding dueling campaign events
in Arizona for rival governor candidates.
-Ooh.
[ Audience "Oohs" ] -But this is sweet.
After his rally, Trump's gonna direct
his supporters to Pence's. [ Laughter ]
That's right -- Trump and Pence are together again.
It's why Arizona just changed their state motto
to "Awkwarrrd."
[ Laughter ]
Well, get this, everybody. United Airlines is partnering
with a company called Boom, which is making supersonic jets
that travel twice as fast as regular planes.
Passengers were like, "Do you really expect us
to board a plane called Boom?"
[ Laughter ]
Boom? [ Laughter ]
It's like having your house built by a company
named Kindling. [ Laughter ]
Some more business news -- I heard that DoorDash
is now requiring their drivers who deliver alcohol
to check customers' I.D.s in person.
Yep, that'll work just as well
as bartenders checking vaccine cards.
[ Laughter ]
"Yeah, that's good. Yeah, come on in."
Yeah, they're gonna check I.D.s the same way cashiers verify
the signature on the back of your credit card.
[ Laughter ]
"Yeah, you're Tom Brbrbrbr. Perfect."
[ Laughter ]
Some entertainment news --
"Shark Week" officially kicks off this Sunday.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Seeing ads all over the place.
I'm seeing promos. If you haven't seen it,
they just released a new promo. Watch this.
-"Shark Week" is back.
All the great whites, all the attacks,
and all the exact same content
we've been airing for over 30 years,
and nobody's noticed.
"Shark Week."
If you get into whales, let us know.
-Yeah, it's interesting, right?
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well, listen to this. A new poll found that
70% of Americans remain loyal to the brands
they used when they were growing up.
Yeah. That's why every night for dinner, I have a jar of Gerber.
[ Laughter ]
Every Kardashian is like, "It's true -- when I was a baby,
I wore Prada, and I still wear Prada."
Yeah. [ Laughter ]
Oh, no, oh, no. Emmanuel, Emmanuel, no.
Emmanuel -- Emmanuel, no.
No!
You're being a menace. Emmanuel, don't do it!
Emmanuel, don't do it.
He's not listening.
Can I get someone here to help me?
Oh, my gosh, Taylor Blake! -Hey!
-It's Taylor! Taylor Blake!
So nice to see you. Thank you.
Taylor, can you help me out, please?
-I can try. Let me see.
Emmanuel, no.
Don't do it.
Emmanuel, do not -- Emmanuel, do not do it.
Emmanuel, no.
Emmanuel Todd Lopez, no. [ Laughter ]
Emmanuel, don't do it.
Oh -- Oh, no, not you, too, Jimmy.
Jimmy, don't do it. [ Laughter ]
Jimmy, Jimmy, no.
Jimmy, do not do it. Jimmy!
Jimmy, choose comedy. Choose joy, Jimmy.
James Thomas Fallon Jr., don't you do it.
Do not do it, Jimmy.
You're here to tell jokes, Jimmy.
You're here to tell jokes. Don't do it.
[ Laughter and applause ]
You know what?
You two go ahead.
Choose love. -Okay, good.
Thank you very much.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Thank you so --
Thank you so much. Come on.
Taylor Blake!
Taylor Blake, ladies and gentlemen!
-Thank you, everybody. -Thank you, Taylor.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Coughs ]
[ Laughter ]
Finally, you guys, Beyoncé just revealed
the track list for her new album, "Renaissance,"
so with that in mind, it's time to play
"Guess the Beyoncé Song." Here we go.
-♪ Guess the Beyoncé song, guess the Beyoncé song ♪
-Now here's how this works.
I'm gonna give someone three different song titles.
One is the real Beyoncé song, the other two are made up.
You have to guess which one is real.
If you get it right, you get a prize.
If you get it wrong, you still get a prize.
Okay. Raise your hand if you want to play
"Guess the Beyoncé Song."
No one on this side. Okay.
[ Laughter ] Yeah, right there.
Hello. What is your name?
-Deegan. -Deegan.
Where are you from? -New York.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Deegan, which one of these
is a real Beyoncé song from her new album "Renaissance."
Is it, A, "Robot Diva," B, "Alien Superstar,"
or, C, "Monster Influencer"?
-Hmm.
[ Laughter ]
-I want to say, A, "Robot Diva."
-That is incorrect. It is not "Robot Diva."
[ Buzzer ]
The real answer is "Alien Superstar,"
but you get this very special "Robot Diva" sweatshirt
that we made, right there. [ Cheers and applause ]
That's fantastic.
Thank you very much. Let's do one more.
Who else wants to do one?
Can you get -- Can you get over here?
Yeah, here you go. Hello.
What is your name, and where are you from?
-Hi. I'm Anna Kate. I'm from Atlanta, Georgia.
-Atlanta, hey! We love Atlanta.
Hi, everyone in Atlanta.
All right, which one of these is a real Beyoncé song?
Is it, A, "Slick Chick,"
is it, B, "Quicky Quick Tiki Taki,"
or is it, C, "Thique"?
-Ooh. I'm gonna have to go with, C, "Thique."
-That is the correct answer! Congratulations!
You get a "Quicky Quick Tiki Taki" sweatshirt.
Thank you for playing "Guess the Beyoncé Song."