I was stuck in something pretty bad for a while.
Emotional abuse is
maybe another word for it.
And at my lowest point
I tried to kill myself.
Crowned 'Queen of dance music'
making history as the highest billed female DJ
at the world's most prestigious festival.
Remixing for big names like Bieber
and hitting number one on the US Billboard charts.
On the surface Australian success story Alison Wonderland's life
is the stuff dreams are made of.
But for Alex Scholler, her real name
it's far from the fairy tale moniker she's given herself.
It's such a crazy journey that I've been on.
For people who don't know, I was training to become a professional cellist.
I was doing 6 to 8 hours a day practice.
And you were good with the cello right?
I mean yeah, I was principle cellist of the Sydney Youth Orchestra.
I was pretty obsessed with playing Beethoven or Bach.
I don't know anyone who can write like Bach.
He was insane.
Sorry, I really nerd out over Bach.
I literally thought my life path was to be a classical cellist.
I put the cello down and I bought a laptop and you know, during the day
when I was kinda like alone in my apartment,
I would just try and make music.
And try and make sounds and experiment.
-Hey look where that got you. -I know.
It's so weird thinking back because at the time I never thought that
you could travel the world and make a career out of DJing
or making music, and that's kinda how I started producing.
You say that your new album is about waking up and realising that you can get out of something bad.
Yes.
And I guess a lot of people are wondering
what that was.
I was stuck in something pretty bad for a while,
and I was seeing a lot of people with addiction problems.
I dealt with a couple of deaths.
Adding to that not spending time at home very much and being alone with your own thoughts.
All of that stuff doesn't really add to a great
mental perspective
on the outside world.
When you say stuck in something, you mean in a relationship?
Yeah. If you listen to my lyrics there is talk about relationships.
Emotional abuse.
I was completely disintegrating.
It was a very tough time.
I wasn't eating. I wasn't talking to anyone.
It was literally destroying me.
I mean I...
Sorry.
Like I couldn't see
I couldn't remember what was good about me.
I couldn't remember why anyone would even like me.
I couldn't remember
why I was even here and at my lowest point
I tried to kill myself.
Straight up.
At the time how did you take yourself out of that space?
I mean honestly writing the album really helped me.
I read the lyrics going, okay there's a problem here.
okay there's a problem here.
I was at this point where you can either sink or swim
and I just decided to swim and I just decided to get out of it.
And I think
I can't really help being honest with my songs, it's how I let things out.
One of the verses in 'Happy Place' is basically all about finding your happy place.
Have you found that?
I have found closure in a certain chapter of my life.
I'd say I'm in my balanced place.
I feel like no one will ever find their happy place
because you'll get happy then you'll be searching for more happiness.
Isn't that such a thing in life when you're always trying to find contentment
and happiness.
And you get to here but then you wanna be here.
No it's just like about balance, you know.
I have this thing tattooed on me which is like 'order, disorder'.
-Does that help you get through things? -Yes.
-Knowing that? -Yep.
It's something my dad taught me.
Cause I remember I was writing an essay on Shakespearean plays when I was at high school.
My Dad sat down and said every Shakespearean play has a pattern where it's like order into disorder
which goes back into order even if it ends in a tragedy.
So not only has Beethoven and Bach and all those classics influenced you
so has Shakespeare.
I guess so.
I mean I don't know if I'm lyrically as profound.
"I want everybody to fuck me up on a spiritual level tonight."
So what's your message to people who might be struggling right now?
There's always a light at the end of any tunnel.
You can always turn things around.
You can always pull yourself out of it.
And don't be too embarrassed or proud to admit when you are feeling down.
Like call someone.
Because if you can catch it before it gets really bad you can actually snap out of it a little bit easier.
Another which I've found has helped me get outside of my own head is
putting down my phone a little bit.
Because comparing yourself to everyone's highlight reel online isn't very healthy.
And also like honestly sometimes walking around Target aimlessly is really fun.
Cause it gets you out of your own head, y'know? Looking at silly things.
Alison Wonderland it's been an absolute pleasure chatting to you. Thank you.
Thank you.
I'll blow you a kiss.
I'm never washing this hand again.