P: Hey guys! So I'm here with a special guest whose name... *laughs* D: (muffled) Every... every single time...
P: You've gotta have a fun way to introduce the guest! D: (muffled) Okay, sure.
P: His name rhymes with Spaniel Towel... *laughs*
*dramatic drumroll*
*kids saying yay effect* P: It's Daniel Howell! D: Oh my god!
D: You, I think we're, you can just call me Dan y'know. (P: Hi Dan)
D: We've known each other long enough.
P: So did you know your name rhymed with Spaniel Towel? D: I was aware.
P: Was that one of your highschool nicknames?(D: no...)
P: "Oi Spaniel get over 'ere, bring me the ball back"
D: No, people just said 'Nerd, come over here, I wanna punch ya'
P: oh -sad dramatic music-
D: So what japes do ya have planned for today, Phil?
P: Well today we're getting very intellectual and we are talking about hair (Dan: Heh)
P: Becuz--*laughs*
D: I mean...y'know...to get to psycology and (P: Yeh) stuff I'm sure it has very--I can't do it--what're we doing?
P: So why did you decide to embrace the curls? D: Because I tried to have cool kpop post-emo hair (P: Yeh?)
D: For--cuz ya know, it's seven years...never, ever worked.
D: Like, maybe in like five photos, in a decade, my hair looked good
D: The rest of the time I just looked like a--a rat (P: Right) That had sex with a mop
P: Well now I'm the only YouTuber with the emo hair! D: You are literally (P: You've left me!)--you ARE literally (P: You've left me alone! >~<)
D: Me, Anthony, Joey Graceffa...
P: They all left me behind! D: So many people were doing the whole thing, and then one by one, you've just been abandoned
P: Well I thought today, I could try out the curly hair lifestyle
D: By...revealing his real hair [conspiracy noise]-- Both: No.
P: So the first thing is, when I was in my northern childhood (D: yeah) my mum would say "eat the crusts on yur toests"
D: It'll make your hair go curl-- [weird sideye] P: "Et'll maeke yur haer goe curly"
D: Except no one thought curly hair was cool in the 90s, so it was like...uhhh P: NO, so they were like "avoid the crusts!"
D: Scuze me lady, chuck those things out
P: Does everyone call it a crust? The edge around some bread. D: What else would you call it?...
P: I dunno, "bread-edge" *laugh*
D: The BREAD-EDGE
P: THE BREDGE
P: So I thought we could eat four hundred crusts (D: *snorts*) [crickets chirp] and see if my hair goes curly in a science experiment
P: But I thought that might take too long, so, I bought... D: I really, really thought that that was the video idea for a second
P: I bought some hair curlers! [children scream yay]
D: Rlly... P: Yes! D: Really...that's--that's what we're doing--
P: So, I thought you could curl my hair, because you are the King of (D: Phillllll) the hair curls
D: Okay firstly, as someone who spent hours every single day trying desperately to not have curly hair, I am like offended that you're whacking out some curling irons
P: I just thought it could happen D: SECONDLY, have you not SEEN hair curling videos on YouTube
P: Yes, I have seen those videos D: The only time I've ever seen a video of hair curling is when a girl literally rips out her own fringe
D: With a pair of cur--and you want ME (P: Well) to do--you just admitted that your power is IN your fringe, and you're--
P: I know... D: What--what'd happen if I balded you right now?
P: Look, Dan: these were on sale. [Ominous sound effect] D: Okay, well that looks like an instrument to torture
P: *laughs* I don't know how to use this D: That looks like something else...
P: *laughs* Erh...ooh! [snapping the clip at Dan aw m8] D: Chopsticks, you f*bleep* perv
P: Hey, I can't use chopsticks! I could take these to the Japanese restaurant
D: Please, put this down P: So, lets learn about hair curlers before you
D: Well, I turn them on and then, y'know, just fricking go to town P: Put them in my head--NO! No! Alright
P: WARNING! Do not use this on YouTube for entertainment, uh *laughs*
D: Phil I think I'm gonna murder you
D: So you're supposed to get a hair (P: Yeah), wrap it round that P: Like a pigtail
D: But then, don't leave it closed for thirty seconds and pull (P: No) cuz that's when I rip your hair--your skull off
P: It says five to eight seconds
D: The other concern is that--this whole thing is like, boiling hot, right, like--it'll--it'll--it'll like P: No, I'm scared of it already
D: Burn you (P: Dan!), your skin will fall off P: Please be careful not to burn me
D: You have very short, like--right now, if I was to get a sample P: Okay, lets practice with it off [Dramatic music]
P: You touched my head. D: Your hair's too short! (P: You touched my head with it)
P: My scalp's gonna be bleeding everywhere by the end of this video D: Your hair is too short to curl! (P: It's not!)
P: It's possible, yours is curly.
P: Do you think it's gonna suit me? Like... (D: No) No? (D: No)
D: They're on P: Ohmigod, how do you tell? [Dan snaps the clip] if they're ready or not
P: Dan, don't mess about with it! D: I'm not, this is incredibly--and I appreciate that I can disfigure you right now
P: Trans--f--form me--NO D: Oh what was the last time I was on this bed? Ba--Abuse. [Creepy sound effect]
D: *Screech* P: AH! Banana abuse--BA-ABUSE!
D: We're about to have some...curl-use right now P: You can't get me back
P: Oh it smells like burning plastic, that's not good D: I think she's ready [growly voice]
P: Alright, curl me up. [growly] Bess (?)
P: So what celebrity do you think you're gonna make me look like? D: I'm--I'm gonna go for teen Nick Jonas
D: But without the face, obviously P: WHAT DO YOU MEAN without the face!?
D: Cause, I'm gonna burn your face off *evil laugh*
P: Right, just do it! Just...rip the plaster off! D: I'm just gonna...I'm gonna start
P: That's like the best bit of my hair, don't start there!
D: Of cour--I'm--I'm gonna P: Start like...on the side
D: Do you not want me to start with the safest, least likely to permanently disfigure you? (P: Okay...)
D: Lets go for this (P: I can't see) D: Erkay (P: I can't breathe!)
D: Ya don't need to see or breathe we're you're going. P: aAh. Please don't touch my head with it. oOH
D: Okay, that was-- P: Okay, count--which--
D: One (B: Two), three, four, five
P: Release
D: Ohkay (P: *Gasps*) (D: Ooh) P: We have a curl!
D: We have a wave! P: Yeaah! I think it could be more tightly curled though
D: Oh for god's sake I'm trying not to maim you P: I want like--I want like...Dan curls :3
D: I am so freaking terrified Phil, you don't understand [Phil muttering something inaudible]
D: I've got a whole clump. (P: Okay) It's undignified P: I'm scared--Oh it's getting hot!
D: One...two-- P: Well you've had--OW--stoppit STOP *nervously laughs*
D: YA CAN'T do that P: I felt it burning!--OOH! Lookatthat!
D: Why do you still cling on to this emo thing (P: I--) when it died SO long ago?
P: I think the fringe is part of my personality now. (D: Yes) I've had it for so long it's just who I am, so to get rid of it would just be too much of a--
D: To erase your personality (P: Yea)
P: Imagine you're gripping the tail of a tiny piglet D: Okay...SQUEE SQUEE. D: I'm gonna pork you up Phil! [growly voice]
P: No *laugh*
P: My life is flashing before my eyes! D: Wow, is it really boring? (P: HEY!)
P: No! D: Ooh, zingyling [wut?] P: NO! I'm having a gr8 time.
P: What would you call your salon? D: Uhh...welcome to D's
P: Wel*laughs*come to D's? D: "D's H"...Which isn't Dan Howell, it's "Dan's Hair"
P: I'd call mine "Lesty's Clippers" [cheery music]
D: Yea, I'd avoid the s*bleep* out of that if I was walking down the street P: I think I'd be good!
D: Alright Phil give me the top of your head (P: Okay.) I'm going close to your brain (P: Please don't)
D: If I slip I'll gouge these straight into your cerebral cortex [dramatic music playing] P: I'm finding you so disturbing right now!
D: I'm--I mean--(P: what is this?) we're currlinggg yourrr hairr izz reallyy fun [cheery music playing]
D: I'm just thinking about how this would be such an easy torture device, like you could really (P: Could go to town) make someone like, do whate--
P: OW--OW--ow--Just like that! *nervous laughs* That got me right on the scalp
D: Stop being such a chicken--nooffensechickens. Are chickens afraid? (P: I think)
D: Like why--why--why--is it like problematic to chickens? P: I don't know...I think there's some confident chickens out there.
D: Exact--I've been (P: Like, dude) chased by some chickens before (P: Yea) I mean...that's maybe more about how unintimidating
D: I am, rather than the confidence of the chickens, I dunno, but-- P: It should be... don't be such a guinea pig
P: Cuz they're pretty scared of everything, they're just like D: Guinea...guinea pigs are pretty scared, yeah but I... Both: BRRBRRPRRPRR
D: We need a safety word Phil, like what--what P: The safety word is OW
D: The safety word is AAAH (P: *laughs*) YOU'RE BURNING MY SCALP (P: Yea) PLEASE HELP
[cheery hawaiian-ish music]
P: AAAH that was a bad one D: Get over it
[more hawaiian music yay]
P: Are you almost done? D: I mean--I'm doing the last bit now
P: The last curl! D: Are you--are you ready for this? (P: I haven't seen it) Phil's gonna tilt up his head and it's gonna be a drastic transformation
[Mario success noise] D: Three...two...one P: Dadadadadaaa (D: Look at yourself)
(P: *Laughs) D: What do you think? P: WOW! I--that actually suits me more than I thought it would
D: We have basically like the same head now--this is--we have the same haircut as-- P: Ohmigosh it's so volumous
D: This was the only thing that was separating us. (P: Yea :D) It is volumous (P: It is!)
D: You look like a cool Australian surf-- P: A cool Australian surfer?
D: Yea, like a weird goth one that...has never been to the beach
P: G'day my name's Jimbo and I--I like--staying inside D: And I like to post on MySpace about Ma--MarilynManson
(P: Uhh) D: Yep, that's what you'd say P: So, what name would you give me if you didn't know me and you met me in the street?
D: Patrick
P: Patrick! I quite like that D: Ya look like SUCH a Patrick right now P: "Heeeyyy, mai name's Paetrick
P: And I spend about seven houers curlink mai haeir everi morning."
P: I feel like I should go take some cool Instagram photos now, and be like... D: Yea, be like...
P: SssOft curls D: Whatssup, it's Patrick right now, I'm vee soft (P: Oooh)
D: But you feel like y-you need the edge of your straight black emo hair to convey your personali-- P: Yea, I do, I do!
D: How do you feel right now? Do you feel like you're...Do you feel like a-a--normie? P: I--I feel like I'm not me!
P: I feel like I wanna pull my hair out! It--it doesn't look like me anymore!
D: In-depth CAAAAM (P: Ewow)
Both: There we go
D: Ooh, look at those curls! P: Look at these curls!
D: Ooh yees, woww, that's-- P: Could you ride any of them like a wave?
D: You could surf the frick out of that P: Can we edit on a surfer going through my hair?
*soft music*
D: There you go--That happened P: Dadadanananaree
D: I know that I could have done a better job, what DO YoU WAnT from mE P: I--I think you did well!
D: D--did you want banter and comparison or did you want good styling--cuz you can only have one
P: Hey! You didn't burn my face off
D: I didn't burn your face-- P: So, thank you! [children screaming yay]
P: Good friend award D: That--that--that is a success
P: BINK! (:3)
D: Thought that was gonna be a high five
P: THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED, the bit hanging down! D: The one single--the Zayn curl (P: Yeaa)
P: Now I've got the Zayn curl--you need a Zayn curl! Wait...
D: That's--okay-that's-that's not quite the same thing
(P: *laughs*) I think it looks good D: That's--that's a metaphor for my life: comparing that to the Zayn curl
P: So, in conclusion I think I'm not gonna keep this hair
D: You're not gonna spend half an hour (P: yea?) deliberately curling your hair every day? P: But hey, if I ever go to a--
D: Are you saying that my head is ugly? P: No, but if I ever go to some kind of fancy party...
D: Cuz..yeah... P: I could curl the hair [*laughs*] D: You go to so many parties, nevermind "fancy parties"
D: That--that's a promise that you will NEVER do this ever again P: I'm just gonna sit in a suit and eat popcorn by myself
[fail sound] D: After curling your hair for half an hour...(P: Yeah) That sounds more relatable (P: That's what I'll do)
[cheery music] P: So give me a curly thumbs up if you enjoyed this video Both: *laugh*
P: Thank you very much to the original curlyman Dan (D: Thank you very much!) For being in this video
D: Yes P: For my transformation D: Click on my out of (P: Yeah) sympathy for my hair
P: You can also check out my last video, where I collaborated with Tinder D: Oh, god the cringe
P: So, if you're looking to find someone you can download Tinder, the link is in the description D: I nearly died from cringing so much
P: Subscribe to Dan, click on his bubble, click on my bubble, have a nice day
Both: Don't
D: Use curling irons if you don't know what you're doing
P: You'll burn your face off!
D: But I didn't burn off Phil's: win P: I'm gonna end this with a curl: GOOODBYEEE