(ambient music)
- Hello, friends and fans and foes.
Foes-? Why would I say foes?
Why would foes be watching my videos...?
Unless they are like, hate-watching my videos?
Okay, so this is indicative
of the mind frame I'm in right now.
(exhales)
So let's talk about that.
You know, those days when you are having
just a real bad sewing day, or whatever day.
Everything that you try to create
just turns to dust in your hands.
And you sew and you unpick, you sew, unpick.
You sew, unpick, the same seam like 10 times,
and then finally you get it right,
you realize you've like done it backwards.
And you only meant to do like two hours of sewing,
but now you've done seven hours and your back hurts.
And you still haven't finished your project,
that was only supposed to take two hours.
But you can stop, no, you can stop
because, oh my God, have you forgotten how to sew?
Why isn't it working?
And you honestly don't even remember a time
when your back was so sore, but you can't stop now.
And you get more and more frantic trying to get it to work.
Just like - zoom! Under the machine! Watch out, fingers!
In frustration, you cut up all of your ruined fabric pieces
in a fit of rage to try and destroy the evidence
that it even existed,
destroy the evidence of your cold, hard failure.
But then as you get into bed and you lay there
trying to fall asleep,
you are convinced that the fabric is gonna make its way
out of the scrap bin, where it now lies
and reform into your failed monstrosity
and then try and strangle you in your sleep.
(intense music)
You know those days? (chill music)
Yeah, so I've been having a few of those days,
weeks, really, right now.
I have convinced myself that I am a complete fraud.
I've decided that I don't know how to sew
and that I've had no business running a YouTube channel
for beginner sewers for like - six years.
All those comments that I've just ignored over the years
that go, "Well, I went to a super expensive fashion college
and this one particular way they had of doing things
is the only way to do it.
I hate you Annika."
Well, I've convinced myself that they're correct.
They come rushing back into my head to taunt me.
And you might be like,
"Okay, Annika, the evidence that you can sew
is literally all around you.
It's online, it's in your wardrobe.
Like half of the stuff..." not half of this stuff.
See, this is me doing it again.
"But like a half of that stuff is handmade or upcycled."
And I'm like, "Yeah, okay, good point.
I did make these things,
but what if everything that I have successfully made
up until this point has been an entire fluke?
And I've just grabbed fabric out of nowhere
and I've just grabbed some scissors and snipped them all up.
And then I've somehow just taken it to a sewing machine
and sewed it all together.
And it's just been a total fluke
that it's turned into a wearable piece of clothing
all this time?"
That was meant to seem ridiculous, but in these moments,
I literally convince myself
that that is how I have sewn before.
That it's all just been an accident.
I literally feel like I'm the most uncreative person
in the universe and I should just stop.
I mean, I even hate this as a video.
I hate this as a video idea and I'm gonna go delete it, bye.
Why would I even say bye, If I wasn't even..?
I would just turn it off.
See, that's because I'm still gonna release this video.
I'm going to keep going.
Though, I bet this is not the first take of this.
It literally says that in the script, because it isn't.
I'm calling you out Annika, this is your second take.
I am making this video because I think that this happens
to all of us, especially right now,
I've had very little motivation to work recently.
Whatever it is that you make or do or play, et cetera,
you will probably always have times that you've decided
that you're bad at it and that you should just quit.
You have a bad day, something doesn't work out,
maybe twice or three times or more in a row.
And then you're just like, "Well, (beep)."
The videos that I put up on YouTube are 99% of the time,
things that have worked.
I don't put up the things that haven't worked.
They get cut up (giggles)
or sit guiltily in the corner, forevermore.
And even the videos that I put up that do work,
they are super edited.
Like this is edited.
I can do anything I want right now.
Flip the screen around or something, I don't know.
Some editing thing.
So maybe in a video I put up,
I pull out a long section of me just unpicking a stitch
because it's not very entertaining.
And I just pretend
that I didn't even do it wrong the first time.
This right here is an edited version of my life,
where I get things right.
And I think that becomes harmful,
especially like I've been doing this job and documenting it
for almost seven years.
And when I mess up, when I'm feeling low,
it's all too easy to go back and be like,
"That Annika from 2016 knew what she was doing.
What is wrong with you now?"
Cause I forget about the failed projects.
And then this becomes a harmful cycle
and it's a harmful cycle for us all
where it looks like other people
get things right all the time
and that they always look good.
And when you're feeling low,
you forget that social media isn't real life,
et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
And especially right now,
when we're all kind of stuck inside our homes
and the internet is like our entire world.
So I frequently get into these moods that are not helped
by everything around me.
Where I'm just like, "Wow, I'm so embarrassed at myself.
I can't believe I thought I was good at this.
I guess it's time to pack up my bags,
pack up a box of my stuff and just quit."
I mean - metaphorically,
because this studio office is in my house.
I wanna leave you with three things.
One, come here and watch this video
whenever you badly mess up a sewing project.
Whether you're just starting out or you're a seasoned pro,
I will then tell you this, solidarity.
I just messed up so bad that I literally got so angry
and cut up the evidence.
Also, no one is perfect.
I know we hear that all the time,
but I want you to believe it.
For the majority, social media, including YouTube,
is either a highlight reel of someone's life
or a complete fabrication.
We cut out the parts where we are frustrated and struggle
and cry and cut up our clothes that don't work.
Everyone has bad days with their job or their hobby
or whatever it is, no one is perfect.
And three, here's what we are going to do.
We're gonna make a pact, you and I.
We're going to leave.
We're going to put down
our sewing/other thing that we failed at.
We are not going to try it again for a little while.
This is important, just leave it for a bit.
Especially if you are sacrificing your energy,
your happiness, or your health
to frantically try and make it work.
We are going to do something else
for however long we need to.
I'm gonna go and play the Sims and build some houses
or I'm gonna go and write some music.
I'm gonna do something that is completely different.
We are not going to compare ourselves to others,
either other people on the internet, in real life,
or our own selves from the past.
And when we start to feel emotions
that are more than negative...?
...better than negative
about sewing or whatever your thing is
then and only then shall we go back to our project.
And most likely when we come back to it,
we will be feeling excited about it.
You and I we're making a pact, okay, good.
And now I am going to also try and convince myself
to upload this video, even though I am convinced
that it's a steaming pile of poo
and no one will want to listen to what I have to say.
Because you know... 'coz of everything we just talked about.
So thank you for listening to my ramblings.
I will see you in the next video, stay safe and stay crafty.
Even if it's doing something different
to what you normally do. Yeah! Bye!
I just wanted to let you all know
that every month from here on out,
I will be donating 10% of my YouTube ad revenue
from each month to a different charity or organization.
This month, July, 10% of my ad revenue
will go to the First Peoples Disability Network Australia.
Find out more about their important human rights work
by clicking the link in the description.
And thank you for watching because just watching this
is helping to contribute to that donation.
Ooh, watch out,
I'm a freaky deaky spooky piece of fabric.
I'll haunt you in your dreams.
Look at my spooky cut out face, a blehhhhh.
(giggles)
What is my job honestly?
What am I doing here?