semen retention is it a good idea to retain your semen i'm dr. trish leigh, cognitive
neuroscientist and sex addiction recovery coach, in this video we are going to talk about semen
retention what it is what it isn't nofap the nofap journey what that entails and the benefits of one
or the other or just developing healthy sexuality that is your way to the spice of life so let's dig
in first of all what is semen retention just to clarify some of these terms so there is a group
of people actually a very large group of people who want the benefits that a man can get from
retaining semen now this is what i want to tell you what it is and what it isn't what it is is not
allowing yourself to ejaculate now first of all let's think about that ejaculation is a healthy
biological physiological process so is it a good idea to stop yourself from doing something natural
we will get to that in just a minute but that's what semen retention is so basically it's
you allow yourself to engage in different sexual behaviors you just don't allow yourself to orgasm
now what is nofap nofap is not allowing yourself to masturbate and to consume pornography
and in the nofap community which is huge they actually have different uh levels of
engaging in nofap so some people go nofap monk mode as they call it where there's no pornography
no masturbation and no sex and then it's on a continuum up to no pornography with limited
masturbation and then there's healthy sexuality which we're going to talk about so let's just
think about this for a minute in terms of nofap so is it healthy to not consume pornography and
not masturbate clearly it's absolutely healthy to not consume pornography there is a stack
yep stack of research that shows that there is no good that can come from consuming pornography
and for many people that i work with it makes them go dark side i do not want you going dark
side what do i mean by that it will give you intrusive thoughts that take you away from the
real version of yourself you will think about sex and unhealthy sex whatever you're consuming
and if you're consuming things that are not good for humanity those are the thoughts that will be
coming into your mind i work with people who are compelled to go do things they would never do if
they weren't watching it and building these neural pathways that lead you towards those behaviors
like cheating on your partner like engaging in sexual acts that hurt you and harm you or hurt
and harm other people we know that sexual violence is associated with the consumption of pornography
so there's no good that can come from porn now let's talk about is they're good that can come
from masturbation well in a healthy sexual life with a partner they're you know this is this is
questionable but i'm going to tell you the real deal if you have a sex life with a healthy partner
then secretive masturbation is not part of that having a secret sex life on the side from the one
that you have with your partner that your partner knows about that breaks trust that in in the end
it makes you lie or manipulate your partner or hide your behaviors and it creates shame
most people don't build a a consistent and frequent masturbation habit without pornography
or without fantasy of sexual behaviors or genres or acts that they don't have in their sex life
so masturbation becomes a secret sex life for so many people so if you have a secret sex life
outside of the healthy sex life with your partner that's not a healthy sex life at all that's a
dichotomy there's two things going on which then creates ambivalence in you and creates this inner
struggle between the thing that you want to be the partner that shows up for fun engaging raise
your freak flag sex with your partner and the person who's doing things to themself on the side
dichotomy neural pathways that are are healthy neural pathways can't be built when there's this
dichotomy so that's the real deal on masturbation if you have a partner if it's your secret sex life
now there's many young people who who don't have a partner and they're like is masturbation healthy
for me no if you're consuming pornography and if you have a consistent masturbation habit
and you're not putting any energy into finding a partner which is what science shows is going
on these days young men are watching porn and masturbating and aren't putting the energy in they
don't care about having sex with a partner because their brains are being taught to masturbate and
watch porn that's what you have going on not healthy so would no fap with no masturbation
would you benefit from that absolutely but i'm gonna give you the butt but don't take this butt
and run with it if you know what i'm talking about is that in the interim if you come from a culture
or a religion or if you're able to big asterisks here if you're able to then you can build a
healthy masturbation habit and this is what a healthy masturbation habit is it's scheduled
you stay with the sensations in your body you don't go to fantasy and you don't masturbate
to de-stress or to offset boredom mood regulation you don't use it for mood regulation because
at the core of masturbation that's the problem your brain has been trained to use masturbation
to make you feel good and to self-soothe it's like a binky i don't want men across the world
using their masturbation binky to make them feel okay about life this journey in nofap and healthy
sexuality is about getting comfortable with being uncomfortable so when uncomfortable feelings set
in don't reach for the binky to soothe yourself sit with those feelings and go what's going on
right now i'm stressed out about work what's going on right now my partner left i've got eight hours
and nothing to do i'm bored fill those gaps with something healthy figure out how to offset the
stress of work and figure out how to fill your time in healthy ways you know what i watched last
night drone racing it was the coolest thing ever it was a it was on my husband had it on tv but
i actually called me over he's like trish you gotta check this out because he knows i'm into
adrenaline rush types of things like that these dudes were racing drones in las vegas through this
awesome obstacle course i'm like sign my action up we actually have an awesome drone that my
brother-in-law gave us i'm like dude we need to take the drone out and get this thing going and we
might actually have two i'm gonna totally race my husband in drone racing and i'm gonna let you know
how it goes but do something exhilarating even watch drone racing it was totally cool instead of
masturbating and watching pornography it's filling the void let's fill that void with drone racing
okay so back to what is healthy sexuality healthy sexuality certainly isn't not ejaculating our
bodies were made for sex so i'm here to tell you moving towards healthy sexuality with a partner
finding that partner yes you can find that partner if you're saying i can't find a partner
that is bs my friend everybody can attract to them the partner that they want and if you are
not attracting that partner you're blocking that partner and you're probably blocking that partner
with porn and masturbation so attract your to yourself a partner and then figure out what you
like sexually with that partner explore different things have fun it should be engaging it should be
connective oxytocin where you get connection by being with that partner and you're ejaculating but
you're not ejaculating all the time as you would with a pornography or a masturbation habit or
worse yep here it comes we're going to talk about edging or worse in semen retention you're able to
edge or do whatever sexual behaviors that you're enjoying you just don't allow yourself to release
so edging for the brain is one of the worst things you can do you're allowing
that dopamine flood to flood your brain and to numb you out but you're never allowing yourself
to reach completion and what that does is it makes you linger in a pleasure seeking state
dopamine is the pleasure seeking neuro chemical it's not the one of pleasure pleasure seeking
makes you go back for more when you have sex with your partner it's not only pleasure at lower
levels but it's joy serotonin the neurotransmitter of joy and happiness oxytocin the neurotransmitter
of connection of love of healthy lust when you're using it with a partner that's what i'm talking
about the kool-aid get that perfect neurochemical cocktail going don't just keep looking for more
and more dopamine which is what happens in edging very dangerous for the brain i work with so many
people who are really really in trouble in terms of memory anxiety depression intrusive thoughts
lack of motivation bad news so semen retention with edging and no ejaculation
that is probably the most unhealthy thing for you because you're doing two very unnatural
things going back for more and more dopamine and then not ejaculation ejaculating which will send
you back for more and more dopamine okay so what are the benefits of not consuming pornography and
not masturbating but working towards developing a healthy sexual lifestyle where you have a partner
and you're with your partner two times a week right two times a week that's great if you need
to have sex every single day that's your binky my friend think about that binky you don't want
a binky you're you're a grown arse man you don't need a binky what you need is to look forward to
having some sex with your partner and this is what it will do for you it will decrease your anxiety
it will decrease depression it will increase your motivation it will increase your motivation for
life for your work for your friends and family because you want to connect with them now you got
that oxytocin flowing the shame cycle's broken there's no need to feel shameful of what you're
consuming you feel jazzed up about going into the world to be with the people there you're psyched
about your hobbies you buy yourself a drone and you crank it out and you have fun hopefully not
crashing into anything but you are engaged in life so your motivation goes up your focus goes up
your erectile dysfunction delayed ejaculation premature ejaculation all of those go down
those happen because the reward center in the middle of your brain is fried so if you're
frying out the reward center in your brain with a massively arousing super normal stimulus in the
screen i'm pointing to my computer you are frying your brain with that super normal stimulus so what
it does is now when you're with your partner you can't get an erection because you don't have that
level of arousal that's where erectile dysfunction comes from your brain delayed ejaculation comes
from the fact that you can't ejaculate without all that fantasy and all that uh unreality and
distorted reality that you're watching in porn you have to go there to be able to get aroused enough
if you have earlier premature ejaculation think about what you're doing usually that comes from
masturbation foreplay or you're going to fantasy in your mind that's usually where premature
ejaculation comes from you've already built this arousal up probably through edging possibly
through edging or through some other unhealthy sexual behaviors but when you develop healthy
sexuality two or three times a week now your brain's looking forward to being with your partner
the dopamine gets dripping in a really healthy way you're moving towards your partner it's connecting
you to your partner even when you're not having sex if you don't have a partner and you're
thinking about dating and you're going to a party on friday night that dopamine is going to drip
knowing that you might meet somebody at the party but if you masturbate and watch porn we know it
increases social anxiety so now you're not looking forward to going to the party because your brain's
all distorted and it's not looking forward to the potential of who you might meet so you have to
stay out of the screen and you should eliminate masturbation you should eliminate masturbation
probably forever honestly if you can develop healthy sexuality but if you have a partner your
masturbation should be disclosed to your partner so it's no longer your secret sex life that is
the real problem but if you develop a healthy masturbation habit and your partner knows that
you masturbate once every two weeks and it becomes part of your sex life but it's not a secret
then it can be part of a healthy healthy sex life but i would still warn against that better off
to include masturbation types of activities in your healthy sex life with your partner include
your partner and it's no longer something you do by yourself you can totally get that going
so stay out of the screen definitely don't retain semen for too long it's not natural and you will
find that if you retain it for too long your body will purge it usually in the night in terms
of nocturnal emissions and that's okay if that happens in your porn brain rewire journey that's
your body naturally purging because that's part of the process but i encourage you to get with
your honey and repair your relationship if it's if there's any uh attachment that's been you know
kind of detached and gone awry and if you don't have a honey look forward to the honey that you
can attract to yourself when you stay out of the screen okay i hope that helps you out and remember
if you're looking for help on this journey go on over to drtrishlee.com my 90-day program has
all the tools that you need to succeed in this journey and the support from me and my team
science shows that's what you need to actually succeed the right tools and the right support
and we have it for you if you need it okay until next time control your brain or it'll control you