7 DESTRUCTIVE Alpha Habits That Will RUIN Your Life
[0:00:00] I’m still the same. Still aim high. Such
a great song. [Music]
All right, gents, quick question. How do you define an alpha male? I think for a lot of
us, we’ve got this vision of this guy that sits at the top of the tribe that has his
pick of all the resources all the mates that he so desires.
And that leads me to one of the most destructive alpha habits that you can ascribe to, the
belief that women are the validation to your success.
Seriously, I used to brag to my friends that I slept with three girls in three states in
a period of 24 hours. [Sound effect] And I know some of you guys are chuckling and saying,
“Antonio, this doesn’t sound like a problem. I wish I had that issue.”
But, here is the problem. The root of it is that I didn’t have any self-confidence.
I didn’t view myself as capable of having a real relationship with another human being
and I was validating who I was as a man and as a person based off of whether or not other
people would sleep with me. The reality, gents, is I was trapped in this hollow cycle of depending
on the opinions and actions of others for my own self-worth.
Gents, don’t fall into this trap. You have the power to validate yourself based on your
own thoughts, your own actions, not on the whims of others.
The next alpha habit I’ve been working hard to jettison, ignoring other people. Now, I
don’t know about you guys, but I’ve got a pretty big ego. Yes, I think I am right
100% of the time. That being said, for being perfect, I sure have made a lot of stupid
mistakes that wouldn’t have happened if I had actually listened to people.
And I’m not just talking random people here whose advice ignored. No, the advice of my
wife of good friends that I actually asked advice from.
Here’s the thing. A lot of people think an alpha always goes his own way. That’s
not true. An alpha takes in information from those trusted people around him and then he
makes his own decision based off of that information. To make better decisions, you got to be opened
to listening to those around you, understanding their point of view before you make your final
call. And speaking of listening, I want you guys
to hear something. [Music playing] Can you name the song? Now, guys, there are times
in which you want to tune out the world in which you don’t want to listen to anybody.
You simply want to listen to some good tunes. Just this morning as I was mowing my lawn,
I was using this bluetooth noise cancellation headphones to listen to some of my favorite
artists, yes, Bob Seger, but also Post Malone like a little bit of the Beatles going over
and listening to Pearl Jam. I listen to pretty eclectic group. Point being is I want to be
able to just drown out the world, listen to my tunes and relax.
Gents, if you want a good bluetooth headset, you need to check out today’s sponsor, Kove.
These great noise-cancelling headphones that I absolutely love.
So, first up let’s talk about design. Not too big, not too small, not too heavy. That’s
exactly what I’m looking for. I wanted a pair that I can wear for two to three hours
when I’m outside doing yard work and I could also wear in the office almost all day.
Yes, when I need to be able to protect myself from all the craziness going on because I’m
working from home. But, also, I want to be able to hear things. So, that’s what I like
about the noise-cancellation is it fits very well in and around my ears.
So, physically, they actually protect you from that outside noise, but also they’ve
got that noise-cancellation system. So you can kind of hear what’s going on so you’re
not oblivious to what’s going on in the world around you, but the destruction noise
is basically cut out. Now, on a full charge, you’re going to get
about 12 hours of use or if you’re not using them, about 200 hours of standby. Now, they
can reach a full charge in about 2 to 3 hours and they use bluetooth 4.1. So, that gives
you about 10 meters just over 30 feet of range. They are also fully adjustable, so no matter
what size your head and you can fold them just like this for travel.
And the best part, gents, they’re affordable. Use that link down in the description, over
60% off. Yes, you heard me right, over 60% off. Use that link, it’s not going to be
around forever. And, guys, you will save big money on these pretty awesome headsets. And,
ah, I’m going to get back to my music. [Music playing] Oh, yeah, you can’t hear anything
and neither can I. [Laughs] Next up, stop being aggressive and start being
assertive. Now, a lot of us equate being an alpha and being aggressive as going hand in
hand. You can’t have one without the other. And this belief seems to be reinforced everywhere
we look especially Hollywood. We watch a movie, we see an alpha male coming and dominate.
He talks over others, he yells over others, he dominates, he’s aggressive and he makes
things happen. The reality is that rarely works. Now, it
can appear to work at least for awhile in the work place. But what happens over time
to toxic environment, people start to leave, people get out of the way of the aggressor
and eventually he finds himself by himself with no one to dominate.
See, that’s the Achilles’ heel of aggression, is it only works if the aggressor has his
victims trapped. In today’s modern world, people have outs. If it’s a job, they can
go find something new, transfer, they can actually complain. If it’s a relationship,
they can get out of it, they can get a divorce. Okay. So, don’t be aggressive, but what
do you mean by being assertive? It sounds really similar. Define that?
So, being assertive is not being aggressive in forcing people to do things. No. When you
are assertive, you’re actually going in and you’re taking the initiative. You are
leading with confidence and people are going to be inspired by this leader who’s going
in there and showing them through actually clear communication. He’s making sure they
understand that is what an assertive male is.
[0:05:11] An assertive man doesn’t mince words. He
doesn’t play games, he gets to the point. And he lays out options for those around him
to choose from. And he’ll even listen to other options, but he does have a standards
and he will not cross a certain point. So, remember, gents, try to be assertive, not
aggressive. The next alpha habit I had to jettison, not
putting up with anyone [bleeping sound], you know what I’m talking about. Not taking
crap from anybody. I will not let anyone disrespect me and if they do, they’re going to pay
for it. Now, I was this tough marine there was a time
period in which, yeah, I like to go out and start fights. Nah, I wasn’t very good at
fighting and oftentimes I had a great crew with me. But here’s the thing is that can
really lead to disaster because you don’t know who and what people are packing. You
don’t know how a bar fight is going to turn out and what are you trying to prove here?
Now, this became worse when I got -- started putting up videos online, started creating
all these content and it would drive me nuts when some random person in the comments would
say something negative about me. And, I’m like this isn’t true, this person doesn’t
know me. And I would spend all this time responding to all of these negative comments.
And here’s the thing is that I put out a video and I always feel I got a good positive
strong message and you get thousands and millions of people that watch these things and they
all have different opinions, they all take something new.
The video the article, it’s a reflection of what’s in the comments of that person,
not of me. They’re all seeing the same thing, yet they’re interpreting it very differently.
And I realized oftentimes these people that are attacking you that are saying these negative
things, they are – they’re in pain. They simply need an outlet and they know they feel
they’re anonymous, it’s not going to bother. I find that whenever I meet with people in
person, they never say anything or if they do, they pull me to the side and they say
in a very constructive positive way in which we actually have man-to-man discussion. And
that’s what I realized that you got to be careful of what people say on the web and
don’t take it, you know this is just simply a reflection of what the internet is.
Guys, don’t fall down that path of trying to prove everyone wrong because you’re right.
It’s just a never ending ordeal. The next alpha habit I got rid of, manipulating
people with mind games. Yes, I’m familiar with the whole pick up artist space. I’ve
read the books, I’ve done the research. I’m aware of the man and his fear, all the
red pill stuff. Here’s the thing is there are some valid
points there and I think there are some great teachers. But, there’s also this really
strong negativity about manipulating people about always having ulterior motive to friendships,
to relationships. Guys, you need to look beyond that and be authentic to who you are and what
you got. I don’t think that we need to be playing
these mind games. And I understand that it can work on the outside. But, what kind of
person does this develop and what type of relationship do you have with this woman with
your friends that you’ve been manipulating you’ve been playing these games and you’ve
got a reason for having this? And, guys, that’s what I’m talking about
here is all of a sudden this is going to become confusing, you are going to trip over yourself.
I think it’s Abraham Lincoln said this quote, you know, “I don’t have a good enough
memory to be a good liar.” And that’s what I feel when you’re manipulating
people, there’s a bit of dishonesty, there’s a bit of a lie in that. And eventually, you’re
going to trip over yourself and you’re going to feel at some point you’re going to realize
this is not what I want and you’re going to have to apologize to those people.
Maybe some people can go through life not doing this, but I know for me, I did a few
times in relationships, a few times in just personal, you know, reactions – interactions
with people and afterwards, I felt dirty and I had to apologize.
And, what I advise you to do, again, is to seek out individuals as, you know, simply,
hey, I just want to build a relationship and when you have the strength when you have the
courage to that, guys, you can take relationships to a whole other level.
Now, this next alpha habit took me a long time to get rid of and this is I thought top
leaders, I thought men in charge, we never admit it if we made a mistake. Why? Because
you didn’t want to show weakness, you simply kept going. Yeah, you’re going to make mistakes,
you’re going to break a few eggs to make an omelet, but you just keep going forward.
You do not show weakness because if you are vulnerable, if you open up that you can make
a mistake, then people are going to challenge your authority and that’s what you don’t
want. This was my belief especially as I was a young marine officer, I never tried to admit
that I made a mistake. And, the problem with this is you do make
mistakes and who’s to blame here? So, you find that, oh, you’re letting other people
take the blame and that’s when I realized I have to change this. That’s something
I did not allow for, but I realized I just need to be more open more vulnerable to the
things that I don’t know. And that’s a very tough thing to do, to
open up, yeah, guys do this all the time. You hear the stories about you’re not even
going to ask for directions especially in front of your girlfriend or your wife, but,
guys, it’s so much more than that. So many of us just don’t – won’t want
to reach out for help. We’re feeling depressed, we’re feeling upset, we don’t know how
to handle a situation. We don’t know how to admit to the people that are following
us that we don’t know where we’re going. [0:10:00]
Admitting you’re wrong, apologizing, this is not the sign of a weak leader or a weak
man. This is the sign of a man who has the strength to look at himself and to realize
he’s fallible, that he is somebody that is human and that has the strength to move
on. And now perhaps the most important alpha habit
that you need to jettison, stop calling yourself an alpha. Stop calling another man betas or
omegas or look at yourself as a sigma because here’s the reality is this doesn’t apply
to human beings. In fact, you go back to the original research,
I think it was Rudolf Schenkel back in 1947. There’s another guy wrote a book called,
The Wolf based off of that and it was all about these wolves in captivity because when
they view the wolves, I think in the late 1999, they back to the research they thought
it didn’t apply the idea that there’s a single alpha and he’s got all these betas
and then at the bottom there’s omega. That doesn’t work in the real world.
In fact, when we look at primates, they saw didn’t work either. In fact, if you are
overly aggressive if you were using violence going in and trying to use all these alpha
techniques to dominate, you’re eventually overthrown. Those primates did not survive.
They did not live as long as primates that actually in a number of ways found to build
relationships. So, your whole idea, a lot of these belief
of the alpha, beta, you know whatever you want to call it is actually wrong. And I’m
not going to say that you can’t use the terms, it’s a lot of, you know, makes it
easy to understand things shorthand, but they do have their limitations.
And I would say once you start to really understand the terms, you’re going to realize, no man
is an alpha, no man is a sigma, no man is a beta. We are simply human beings doing the
best we can in the situation we find ourselves. So, gentlemen, go out there, yeah, do the
research. So, what video to watch next? How about you
stop trying to impress women and do these instead? What am I talking about? Gents, find
out in this video right here. Yeah, just click on it.
[0:11:52] End of audio