Hey do I know you? Hey man why are you up here talking to me?
Yeah yeah, can I help you something
Hey man I'm actually meeting some people here so...if you don't mind I'll just, a, kinda hang around here
by myself. Oh I'm fine man, I'm actually I mean some friends here though
in a few minutes....so, a....
....
That Was
cold-blooooooooded (sung) but in actuality
most people anticipate that kind of responce when they go to start a
conversation with someone that they never spoken to before.
You know I'm often asked, what do I say when I go up
Will they think I'm weird, am i bothering them or worst case scenario
will it be a bad interaction and then everyone else at the event will see it
and think that I'm the weirdo for the rest of the night.
On this video we're gonna talk about 3 actionable steps that you can use to
effectively start a conversation
with someone new, at anytime. This is the charisma matrix!
Whoooosh (sound)
So the first thing I want you to understand it truly internalize is the
fact
the first thing your gonna say the person makes no difference whatsoever
truly is an example of how the words you say
or only seven percent to the communication that you convey
so that's not important what's important is when you go up and you say those
first words
your strong eye contact and strong to an alley
because what this does is it tells them you're committed to this conversation
you're not going anywhere you not coming up Menaria
no you're coming up they are you doing
you're not going anywhere you're engaging them they're not going to wear
the conversation started its not wishy washy at all
so mad he say they are you doing her you drink over the bar or
to say I hey how's your day going whatever it is
you're committed you're competent your strong tonality
there's no question there's no ambiguity is is the conversation to start now
the conversation has started they're gonna buy into that frame and they're
gonna react as if they were bought in which they are now as well
you're gonna act a little bit like you know them
so you're not gonna be like what's up Billy what's up man now
but you're going to act comparable maybe like you had met them before so it's a
guy
your networking event your say oh yeah man I do it has gone tonight
so a little more comparable in a little more familiar than what most people do
when you combine that with a strong tonality it just comes across a little
more as engaging
and it reduces the stress and the interaction that is always there when
you're first talking to someone new
now the second step is to make and observation
or interpretation or interpretation others are observation
in the environment so for instance let's say there's a nice
ice culture to your rights you walk up they hate to imagine I don't
they say I am pretty good it's a it's a wonderful that
say a DOS access look at that I school just thinkin
how do they make those there moles that come together and do they actually
overall school guy out there chipping away
you're seen it before so you're gonna say something like that
an observation mission I school church an interpretation
how to get there question about it open-ended question so I didn't say
pages sea ice culture you say yeah pretty cool or no nowhere is it
use it how do you think they make that takes about chipping away at it and then
it's gonna give him
and easy chance to speak a little bit to get some buying into the conversation so
he's gonna say
you most likely get an answer like now that is actually pretty amazing I
haven't seen 10 that
grandiose nature in quite some time okay so now he's been able to say a few words
are both kinda bar in the conversation
and you can take anything that he said from there
and keep rolling with it which is the next step to use that number three
you're gonna grab anything that he said and run with it so what did he say
yeah I haven't seen any II school to the grandiose in nature in years
so he said is inferring that he's been to events like this for a long time
on he hasn't seen I Scott like that a long time those are the two major
threats that we could jump on so
I'm probably gonna leave the kind of strange I school for conversation away
and jump on the one that he hasn't seen in some time
inferring he's been going to events like this for a long time so it's a it's a
biology converts and you say oh yeah I know how you can come to these
conferences
now it's going to get him talking now you get more personal to talk about his
experience how long has he been coming to I'm
you can jump on is threaded his thread options at that point for his response
are going to open up much more you know when you start a conversation
and that you two or three sentences yeah I haven't seen a
I school for that amazing in years you have a couple throws to jump on but then
we say hey man how you been coming to the defense like this
he says we don't actually billion issue for about 20 years I R
went to school at Notre Dame and I'm out here in california working at
scripts will now those threads you can job on
just get much much wider and the cool thing about this is that you can jump on
the thread
that you have the most experience with soul is an internship at scripts I said
all that stuff
awesome you know I was actually in a hallway and enter script intern scripts
that the scripts
internship script as well how did you like working there
and now the conversations going it's very natural
it's become a little bit personal accts you talking about experiences and that
are you really gonna delve into get that were poor
right off the bat we are striking up a core conversation so now I want to talk
about something that happens very infrequently
but when it does reveal the bypass a couple if these steps because it works
so much in our favor
winner meeting someone for the first time so say I walk up to someone and say
hey I do as I don't
and they say all its awesome you actually saw you checking into the hotel
you know has your room or something is a super engaging right maybe they're a
very social person are they say
are not so great man I actually I saw those root beer floats are theirs but to
grab wanna be had one yet
so they're just blowing past lowest up their comparable to help you out
in that instance you can bypass the observation either jump on this thread
or go directly into how your day or your night has been going
so the same as my daughter cells really good you actually check it in the Omni
Hotel has a room
yeah it was really good actually flew into San Diego Airport news lugar a
rough ride but that
that approach is always beautiful we are coming in over the city a
this first time here so that way you can't jump pass the observation when you
get such a warm response
the conversations were open they want you there your passes call the whole
point so they're
more interest in you stay around then you leaving well then you can just go
straight to your experience to talk that way
in the reason I bring this up is not because it's so cool to skip a step
that's because
is someone is very open and very friendly from the start
and then you take those steps it can seem kinda step but you're not
understanding
that they're open to conversation so you're still gonna kinda try a small
piece set
and even seen how cold and distant so lets loose ball player so
pay as you go on all it's great I actually saw you checking in the hotel
has your room going
us good hey did you ever see the ice culture over there yeah it's pretty cool
what its its it's very
this but it's not warm at all it's like so they were trying to
handed olive branch out to you they were trying to create that report
you're backing of talking about something much more superficial
so we want to be sure we're on the same page as far as the comfort and rapport
as the other person oftentimes just a little bit more cuz I'll buy into our
frame being comfortable
so when they come over the top in a comparable %um mediately by a separate
show you have that same comfort that can enable you to get this relationship
this conversation from 0 to 100 M much much reduced
amount of time you have a beer but what I just look like I'm trying to
flirt with the person or I'm just trying to make
stupid small talk it doesn't mean anything
a lot of times in question like this the response idea is that humans are
uniquely social
species we love to talk we love to interact that's how we were able to
evolve as quickly as we were these bonds that we make their social interactions
so the fear that people will think that you just try to make small talk is
really
very moot because people wanna talk when people come up to you
as long as you're not some sorta creepy guy but when someone comes up to you
with advance social skills that like what we teacher charisma matrix
you're gonna be happy to talk to him your computer networking party by
yourself with your trade came around there
people are looking to talk to other people except for
they don't have the skills that are too complex to go up and do that
so the fear that you're gonna be seen as weird by just wanting to make small talk
really is not capital applicability all
in fact that people see you as the guy going around strike your conversations
you're gonna be seen as the leader in that environment maybe even the person
hosting the event
giving of all the attributes that you want to receive so remember that never
feel hesitant
because you're gonna be that guy just making small talk year's gonna be
intrusive are you gonna bother someone
because that's not the case at all in social environments were there to be
social and converse with new people
you're the one with the carpets the skill set to make that happen